(no subject)

[mrissa]

cakmpls's last entry, about why she's not doing the three-things-before-you-die meme, made me think. So here's my new question:

Tell me something I really don't have to do that some people you know think they absolutely have to.

For example, when my mother turned 40, she announced that she was forty damn years old and did not have to eat the crusts of her sandwich if she did not want to. I asked if I had to, since I was only sixteen damn years old. She said, "No, of course not." I said, "But I like them." She said, "So eat them, see if I care." But I don't have to.

My grandmother grew up thinking she had to dust the front room every morning. My great-aunt relates that when my grandmother got cancer in her mid-forties, she discovered that the world would not come screeching to a halt if she dusted the front room every other morning, or even less often than that.

I will tell you that you do not have to read The Bell Jar. Go ahead if you want to. Enjoy it if it's your sort of thing. But don't go feeling you have to read it, because, really, you don't. In all likelihood, you will not look up from your deathbed and moan, "Oh, if only I had read The Bell Jar all this would not be for naught." I've read it. Let me fall on that grenade for you: classic of the twentieth century or not, you just plain don't have to read it.

So what else can I skip if I feel like it? What other "mandatory" stuff can I give a miss?

Comments

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

You do not have to wear a coat because it might rain. You do not have to finish your dinner before you get dessert. You can eat cake for breakfast.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

You do not have to travel abroad.

I mean, you can if you want to. There's some mighty cool stuff out there and it's worth seeing if you can and want to.

But there's some mighty cool stuff right here, too.

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

You don't have to read Ulysses.

You don't have to care what you look like in the grocery store. You may, but you don't have to.

You don't have to own or wear white patent leather shoes, before or after Labor Day.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

One of our lovely mother-daughter moments was when I was in college and my folks had come through and picked me up and come to the Cities to see my great-aunt and -uncle for the weekend. We hadn't gotten Bridgeman's ice cream all weekend, so when Aunt Dor and Uncle Rudy wanted to go there for breakfast before we left, we didn't argue. I ordered a muffin and a raspberry hot fudge sundae for breakfast, and Aunt Dor had a fit. And turned to my mother: you're not going to let her you can't possibly etc. etc. So then Momma ordered a muffin and a sundae and informed my aunt, "Fruit's good for you."

I haven't had ice cream for breakfast since, but it was lovely then.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

You don't have to fold the laundry. The world will not come to an end if you dig your clean clothes right out of the dryer.

You don't have to get married. Or have kids. Or see Rock City.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

You don't even have to start your dinner before dessert. I never have room for dessert after dinner, so I don't eat it then. I like popcorn for breakfast, myself. I figure it's not muuch weirder than the way the Scots eat porridge, with butter and salt.

Also, you don't have to read Hamingway or Faulkner unless you want to, you don't have to "do" anything with your hair, you don't have to hang around with people who are depressing, you don't have to act old even when you are, you don't have to stop doing anything fun after marriage (I like to think of it as providing a partner in adventure, myself), you don't have to wear make-up or jewelry unless you want to, you don't have to wear fads unless you like the way they look.... I could go on for pages but I think you know all these already anyway..

[sculpin.livejournal.com]

You do not have to save every last rubber band that comes into your possession. You can throw some away. It's okay. There will be rubber bands when you need them. In some areas of the world, people even buy bags of rubber bands at need, and they seem to suffer no significant ill consequences from this.

You don't have to darn socks.

And more generally speaking, you don't have to be a hero. Heroic behavior is optional; that's why it's called "heroism" and not "good manners".

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

We celebrate Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, which is the first Saturday in February, every year. Ice cream for breakfast is too good to pass up.

[ktempest.livejournal.com]

This probably doesn't apply to you, but it applies to me so I'm sayin' it: You do not have to read Lord of the Rings. Seriously.

[palinade.livejournal.com]

You don't have to brush your teeth the moment you wake, If you choose to brush your teeth mid-day or say, around 10 AM instead of right when you wake up, your teeth will not fall out of your head. Be advised that not just anyone will be happy with this choice and might avoid you if you choose to go this route.

You don't have to use those paper wrapped wire twist ties that come with plastic baggies. They are somewhat handy, but a regular paper clip or binder clip or other fastener will do the job in a pinch. The half-used bag of frozen veggie won't know the difference.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

You do not have to make the bed every day. (This was a Revelation to me, when I moved away from my folks.)

You do not ever, unless you want to, have to wear nylon stockings again. Or shave your legs. (How I remember that exhortation 'Don't ever leave your house without clean underwear and stockings, because what if you're in a car wreck? The paramedics will think you're not a lady')

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I believe that the second Saturday in August is Gravy Day.

K. [particulars of observance are left to the individual families]

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Darn socks? You don't even have to save the matchless ones for more than about 3 months. The odd socks are not going to suddenly get mated up again.

K.

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

You do not have to care what other people think.

You do not have to react to hostility.

You do not have to wear shoes when you drive and you can, in fact, do 3 years of college in your pajamas.

You do not have to eat all or any of something you don't like just because you bought it.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

You do not have to wash dishes. (Just buy disposable.)

You do not have to find the silver lining the second something goes wrong.

You do not have to put the fork and spoon on the correct sides of the plate. You can even put them upside down. Or have people serve themselves buffet style.

You do not have to wash the sheets right before a guest spends the night.

When people ask, "How are you?" you don't have to respond with "Fine" when you're not.

[sculpin.livejournal.com]

This too was a revelation to me a few years ago. Coming as I do from a long line of tightwads, I felt so rebellious as I threw away those odd socks.

Which reminds me of this: you don't have to buy the cheapest brand of canned tomatoes.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

You don't have to listen to people who tell you what you have or don't have to do...

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You don't have to read Ulysses.

True, because I am not married to gaaldine.

You don't have to care what you look like in the grocery store. You may, but you don't have to.

I have only seen two episodes of the show "What Not To Wear" and don't intend to see more. And one of the things I hated was that they were using footage of someone on a quick Saturday morning run to the grocery store or making muffins in her own kitchen by herself as proof that she was a "fashion disaster." Yes. Just exactly what we need: more people trying to convince us that we have to look model-perfect every moment of every day no matter what or else we are sucky, horrible people.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

In fact, I have to not buy the cheapest brand of canned tomatoes. Because I'm at least that much of a snob, we found out the hard way.

Show of hands for who's surprised.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You don't have to be a hero. Heroic behavior is optional; that's why it's called "heroism" and not "good manners".

I now have this on my monitor, properly attributed, of course.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I've never darned a sock in my life -- don't know how, in fact -- but I have pointlessly saved the matchless ones, and you're right, I really don't have to.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

My mom was born in 1954, so my "be a lady" training mostly consisted of being made to put my knees together when I was sitting in a skirt. Which is generally a reasonable enough thing if it's "in reasonable proximity or crossed" and not "held together as if by rare-earth magnets." Because most people really don't want to see London and France all that badly.

As close as my mom came to exhorting me to be a lady was to sigh at my father and me, "Can't we just pretend to be civilized? For maybe half an hour?" She took it well when we said no and went back to whatever we were doing.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You do not have to wear shoes when you drive

In many states, you at least have to make an effort not to get caught driving shoeless. It isn't legal. But if you've got tough feet and are comfortable with it, keeping a pair of moccassins handy in case of one is pulled over will do. I don't have tough feet, myself.

You do not have to eat all or any of something you don't like just because you bought it.

This goes double for dessert. Bad dessert will not become good dessert if you eat it, and it does not usually have very many nutritional justifications. You have already wasted your $N on a bad dessert; wasting your X calories on it is just plain silly. Go home and have ice cream instead.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

What, did somebody say something? I wasn't listening....

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

When people ask, "How are you?" you don't have to respond with "Fine" when you're not.

In college, I discovered that if you didn't want to answer that question, you could jump in extremely quickly with, "How are you?" and they would often not notice that you hadn't said "fine" at the beginning. Then I taught Jen The World's Best Lab Partner this trick, and she got mad at me for all the times I hadn't been fine and hadn't told her.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

I keep unmatched socks. They come in handy when I have to double-sock in my snow boots, or do something really mucky. They're tied in a big unmatched sock ball in the corner of my sock drawer.

[ktempest.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the shaving of the legs. I, too, discovered that Western Civilization did not come to an end when I stopped doing this. In fact, I'm pretty sure that by not doing ti I am holding the fabric of time together. Or maybe keeping the mouse-like aliens from destroying our planet. (oooo... an obscure PKD refference. I be fancy)

[ktempest.livejournal.com]

I thought of something else - you do not always have to take a compliment.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I am a most accomplished compliment-dodger. We are working on this tendency, because while you don't always have to take a compliment, occasionally taking a compliment is not the worst thing in the world.

[brithistorian.livejournal.com]

You don't have to finish a book (or any other project, for that matter) just because you started it.

You don't have to learn to like coffee black. (If you already do, that's fine, but it's not a moral failing to drink it with milk and sugar.)

You don't have to conform to stereotypes.

You don't have to care whether or not other people think you're "odd."

You don't have to be internally consistent.

You don't have to go to New Orleans. Ever.

You don't have to embrace your roots. If you want to, that's fine, but if not, you're free to uproot yourself and set down new roots.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You don't have to care whether or not other people think you're "odd."

This one does go both ways, as you phrased it: that not only do you not have to stop doing something if it will make people think you're odd, you also don't have to stop doing something if it will make people think you're not odd.

"I'm just weird" is a decent defense in high school, but it's not a reason to do something or not to do something.

[brithistorian.livejournal.com]

Exactly! :-)

[scottjames.livejournal.com]

You don't have to read Firefly.

You don't have to finish XX notecards by YY/YY. Seriously.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You don't have to read Firefly.

Arright, you. I never thought I had to, so that's not really the same thing.

You don't have to finish XX notecards by YY/YY. Seriously.

I know, I know. Seriously, I do know. If they're not all finished by Minicon and the book is not off to porphyrin and ksumnersmith by then, the world will not end.

I will say, however, that I really, really need to be done with this draft or I will go entirely off my nut and bad, bad things will happen. Not because I want to go entirely off my nut or because I'm convinced that a date is magical. Because this book is really weighing on me and suffocating me and I hate it hate it hate it.

Ahem. So. It's more along the lines of salvaging shreds of sanity than along the lines of meeting a deadline.

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

You don't have to get married and/or have children. Do so if you like, but I give you permission to skip it and do other things.

I think one really does have to put clean sheets on a guest bed. Sorry. If you don't have clean sheets, don't have guests. Or at least please don't invite me to come and stay if I'm going to be sleeping on sheets your brother-in-law used, or your dog or something. Yuck.

[seagrit.livejournal.com]

You don't have to learn to like coffee at all! :)

[lexica510.livejournal.com]

Interesting -- for me, it's "you don't have to dodge a compliment; you can say 'thank you,' and continue on."

My jewelry teacher used to work on his students to get us to accept compliments. At one point, he said "Nice work" about a piece I had just finished, and I started pointing out the flaws - oh, it's uneven here, and I didn't get this part the way I wanted... He held his palm up towards me and said, "Stop. It may have problems, but nobody will know if you don't tell them."

I come from a family where the basic orientation is that no matter what you've done and how well you've done it, you could have done it better if you'd tried harder/started earlier/thought more/been a better person/whatever. It was enlightening to have a respected authority figure tell me "You are good enough, and you can accept compliments from people who think you are."

[jenfullmoon.livejournal.com]

You don't have to wear matching socks if you're wearing knee-length boots and NOBODY CAN TELL if your socks match!

(Unless you go over to the house of one of those people who makes everyone who enters take off their shoes. I hate those people.)

[ursulahitler.livejournal.com]

They have a total anti-punk thing, too. I've seen a lot of promos for that show where they confront some cute 27-year-old punk girl in pink fishnets and tell her, "Yeah, that's a cute look... if you're 15!" And then they give her some boring mom makeover. It's like what happens to Annie Potts in "Pretty in Pink," and it so very lame.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

You don't have to learn to like coffee black.

Or at all!

[brithistorian.livejournal.com]

True, but for the longest I beat myself up because I had this idea that even though I liked coffee with milk and sugar, I didn't "really" like coffee because I didn't like it black.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I saw bits of an episode where they were making an older lady throw out her holiday-themed sweaters. And my take on that is kind of the same as my take on punk: it's a very specific fashion statement, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong one for you. If what you like is pink fishnets or sweaters with pumpkins on (or, heaven forfend, pink fishnets and sweaters with pumpkins on), as long as you know what you're saying, make your own statements.

I think they would likely object to statements like "you don't have to shave your legs" and "you don't have to wear make-up," too.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Oops.

We don't make people. Often we don't even ask people. But it's Minnesota, and it's winter/spring; if people wear their shoes onto our carpet at a party, the floor will be deeply disgusting before the night is over, even if nobody spills their drink and nobody's toddler throws his plate on the floor. We'd have to steam clean once a month and replace the carpet every few years if we regularly wore Minnesota winter shoes on it, and sitting on it would be uncomfortable in the meantime. People with hardwood floors can sweep and mop, but carpet is not so forgiving.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I think you shouldn't make guests use the same sheets as other guests without washing. But I have relatives who feel that if you made the bed thinking someone would come and they didn't and it was several weeks, you should make sure the sheets are "really fresh" before the guests arrive. And in my book, if no one has slept in them etc., they're clean, even if they've sat on the bed unused for a few weeks.

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

Yeah, if they're completely unused, they are still clean. In my house, I always change them anyway, because I have pets and you have to assume the pets have been everywhere at some point. In fact, I usually don't change sheets *after* a guest because I know I'll always do it before. Besides, the guest is always my mother.

[jenfullmoon.livejournal.com]

Ohhh. Well, if it's a weather thing, that's another thing entirely.

I live in California, so if anyone does that, they're either really paranoid about their carpet, Japanese, or just really, really hippie. And I just don't like having to go over to someone's house and smell everyone's stinky feet reeking up from the carpet for hours for no good reason, you know?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Or Minnesotan, and used to weather concerns. I tend to figure in the summer you're smelling people's feet in their sandals anyway, and in the winter they're wearing thick wool socks to kind of insulate. But neither is the case in California all the time.

[naomikritzer]

You do not have to wear uncomfortable shoes. If you do not know how to walk in high heels, you do not have to learn. (I am almost 32 now and still have never worn a pair of high heels for more than a minute or two -- just long enough to say "ugh! How can anyone walk in these?" and kick them off again.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I have declared myself too old (=26) to wear heels if I don't want to.

But when I did start wearing them at 14, my friend Megan and I decided we'd better learn to run, climb, kick, and remove them quickly, just in case it became necessary.