Half of a dialog with my characters

[mrissa]

Gosh, I sure am glad to be done writing a YA for the moment, so my characters can actually have actual sex and not just run around with tension you could cut with the proverbial knife!*

[five minutes pass with grown-up manuscript]

Oh, dammit, it's actual sex in my actual book! Can't you people do this offstage? It's awfully personal! I -- ooh, oh, oh, did I need to know that? I did not! You people! And it's plot and character and theme, too, so I can't just turn the lights out on you. Hell. (Stupid theme. I hate you, theme.)

No, I don't want to know your opinion of having the lights out. I didn't want to know your opinions in the first place. I would rather have inferred them and then implied them. Rather gravitationally, as it were. Shape of the relationship and all that. Spooky action at a distance is fine with me.

No, not like that. Can't you even leave quantum mechanics out of this? Can't you leave quantum mechanics out of anything?

Why don't you people go bother Bear? She likes this sort of thing. And she wouldn't mind researching -- oh. Oh, no. That is Not Okay. And you, oh characters, are northern enough -- albeit a different kind of northern -- to know what Not Okay means. Means wrong. Like, morally. Not Okay, as in, just like Okay, only not.

If you people are going to be sick dysfunctional freaks, can't you at least be sick dysfunctional freaks having a good time?

Oh, good, thanks, that's --

Um. Wait. Not better after all.

Sigh.

*Yes, I know that characters in YAs can have sex, in general. I read the Alanna books when I was a kid, too. But in specific, no, not for another two books yet.