Indigo

[mrissa]

I have been pretty deep blue for nearly 24 hours now. I don't know why. I can't think of anything that has happened to cause it -- markgritter is back to work from his vacation, but I don't think that should do it. Dinner didn't help. Ice cream didn't help. Getting hugged and snuggled didn't help. Curling up with a good book didn't help. Sleeping didn't help. Scruffing and playing with the dog didn't help. Working out didn't help. I don't know what. I'm going to poke Sampo, because it's such a bundle of joy and good cheer that it could hardly help but perk me up, right?

Umm. I keep thinking -- I wish I remembered who the interview had been with -- I keep thinking of an exchange from an interview I read some years ago. The interviewer asked, "What question do people ask you most about your books?" And the author said, "Why don't you ever write about nice people?" Interviewer: "Uhh...do a lot of people ask you that?" Author: "No, just my mom. But she asks it a lot." Except it's not my mom, it's part of my brain: "Can we write about nice people for awhile?" Writerbrain: "No." Rest-of-brain: "Please?" Writerbrain: "Let me think about it: no." And truepenny is right, you gotta dance with who brung ya. I don't recall if she phrased it quite that way, but that was where it was going.

I have a bunch of tests with the vertigo specialist today. I am not allowed anything but broth for lunch. I'm not sure what on earth eating non-broth things for lunch would do to their tests, but it's frankly a little alarming. Two of the three procedure sheets for the tests they're doing say, "There may be slight discomfort associated with this procedure -- there should not be any pain." The third doesn't say that. It just says not to eat anything but broth for four hours before the test. I imagine this was not intended to make me nervous.

I'm hoping that I will be up for stopping on the way home to eat something nice and non-broth-like. I can imagine enjoying that. I'm not anhedonic. I'm just blue.

Comments

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

Rollercoasters are good for situations like this one. At least, when they occur inside my head, rollercoasters are good. Your head may vary.

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

*sympathy* I'm sure it will pass. :-(

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Umm. My first impulse upon thinking of rollercoasters is to hide under the desk and not come out; my second is to wail that gaaldine isn't here. (Last time I went on a rollercoaster was with her.) But perhaps the directionality is correct: something sudden, intense, etc. Hmm.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yah, they do tend to.

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

Stupid of me to suggest rollercoasters to someone with vertigo. Duh.

But the basic thought is that adrenaline is good for rebooting the chemical balance of the brain, when it's stuck somewhere you'd rather it not be. The problem is that I only know two modes of generating adrenaline -- emotional stress, which is Not Good, and violent and abrupt movement, which may be counterindicated.

Back to the drawing board!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't go so far as stupid, but yah, some things that are of interest at other times are not so much interesting now.

On the other hand, if the third test that doesn't say it's painless is stressful enough, I may get an adrenaline reboot anyway. So...good then?

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Can I retract that email I sent you? Sounds like the last thing you need.

Take care, m'dear.

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

My experience, having spent the last year having medical tests, is that if it doesn't say there will be discomfort/pain, it's because there won't be (other than maybe that incidental to a blood draw).

Although it would be interesting to have a "truth in labeling" requirement for medical procedures. The one I'm having on Wednesday would say "Must drink 32 oz. of contrast solution, the foulest stuff you ever put in your mouth, tastes like Lemon Gatorade left open in the garage for six months."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The one I already answered? It wasn't at all the last thing I needed. As I said in the answer, commiseration is not misery poker.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I appreciate doctors who treat me like an adult and say, "This will hurt a little" or "this won't hurt unless you have X wrong, in which case it will" or the like. But I know not everyone reacts that way.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Heh. The email wasn't there when I clicked over to ye olde friendslist and commented. And then I clicked back and lo, there it was, with a comfortably pre-comment timestamp.

If my email has a time machine, why is it not sharing?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Selfish e-mail anyway!

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

My guess is that the "discomfort" is probably nausea, in some people. I base this on "tests regarding vertigo" and "eat only broth." They might not say so specifically because some people tend to become nauseated at the suggestion of nausea. (And if you are one of them, this comment has done a disservice; I considered that, but decided on balance to go ahead and make the comment.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I tend to have a strong stomach.

[fiddledragon]

If it's the test I had done with warm water, etc...it's a very good warning, though should not inspire worry.

[bradipo.livejournal.com]

Just wild speculation, but perhaps that particular vertigo test sometimes produces nausea and "broth" is intended as code for "things that you wouldn't mind having consumed shortly before becoming nauseated."

[mallory-blog.livejournal.com]

Hi Mrisa,

With as many physical symptoms you've had to deal with lately the 'blues' could easily be connected to that - blues are frequent visitors around chronic illness issues, like bad friends.

Good luck with your vertigo tests today. May you have more than broth!

[brooksmoses]

My email has a time machine that it shares, but it only goes one way. I occasionally write email reminders and tell it to send them to my future self (or, even more occasionally, to someone else's future self).

[marykaykare.livejournal.com]

Indigo is such a beautiful color. The color of the sky just before the last of the light leaves.

MKK

[ckd]

Thinking of you, and I hope your mood improves soon.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

Good luck!!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

If they mean that, I wish they'd say. I'm hypoglycemic with a fairly strong stomach -- I can count on one hand the number of times I've thrown up from nausea since I was old enough to remember -- and I'd rather take my chances on having something solid in me and possibly getting nauseated with it.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You're right. And I like evening. I like morning and evening. It's just afternoon I have trouble with.

Huh. I hope this metaphor isn't running away with me.

[the-flea-king.livejournal.com]

Could it be weather-related?

Discomfort versus pain

[mackatlaw.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think I'd prefer pain, especially the short-term type. Pain is tolerable if I know there is a beginning and an ending point. It overlays consciousness or jolts it up. Discomfort seems more unsettling because it's a nag that won't go away, an unseatedness at the base level of level.

When the dentist drills my teeth, the gums hurt. The pain feels "bright." It gets the attention, but at least there's clarity. When the dentist cleans the teeth and then polishes, the discomfort is ongoing and prevents me from comfortably resting in myself.

But that's me. I'm not sure that was helpful?

Best wishes and may the discomfort be swift. I'm thinking good thoughts your way.

Re: Discomfort versus pain

[mackatlaw.livejournal.com]

Edit: "at the base level of self"

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It's been threatening to storm, but it's not extreme enough that it seems likely to have a strong effect on my mood. Wish it would storm, though.

Re: Discomfort versus pain

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, there's sometimes medication for pain and sometimes it's shorter duration.

I don't know -- I think it depends on specific pain and specific discomfort. Some joyful procedures involve both.

Re: Discomfort versus pain

[mackatlaw.livejournal.com]

Yes.

I know what it's like to have difficult to diagnose ailments. You show so much fortitude in how you bear the uncertainty.

Best wishes and prayers...