Pick a floor, for the love of Pete.

[mrissa]

There's a multiple-question meme going around my friendslist, and like many such memes, it includes the question, "What would you do if we were stuck in an elevator?" I don't know if the people who wrote this were 15-year-olds looking to solicit make-out offers or what*, but I suspect that they have never been stuck in an elevator. I have. Unless you are fortunate enough to be stuck in a large elevator with very few, very well-prepared people**, there are two choices for when you are stuck in an elevator and have done sensible things like attempting to get the elevator unstuck and pressing the emergency call button: converse or endure in silence. Those are what you've got. "I would dance a funny little dance!" No, you wouldn't. It's an elevator. There is not room for your funny little dance. "We could improvise ways to --" Nope. Elevator. I appreciate your attempts at lj whimsy, but honestly? Elevator. Wee tiny box, often with cameras. Converse or endure. If you each packed a book, it's a happy read-y silence. There is unlikely to be room to play cards on the floor even if you packed a deck on your person at all times. Anything more ambitious than that, forget it.

My fiction studio senior year had something like an elevator-stoppage story (fiction) for every four people. A brief survey of the class indicated that I was the only one who had ever actually been stuck in an elevator. But people wanted to throw their characters together randomly and with no escape, so they didn't have to ask questions like "Why are these people talking to each other, anyway?" and "Why don't they just leave?" The random-airplane-seatmates-talk story was even more popular -- something like 50% of the class turned those suckers in. The professor begged them to stop.

The armchair psychologist in me notes that the type of survey meme that asks the elevator question often asks about an even more radical constraint: "What would we do together if I was going to die the next day?" is a really common and, for me, baffling question. These memes often ask about the gift of a sum of money as well. The armchair psychologist in me suspects that the people who write these memes are often feeling plenty constrained already in terms of money, and that the way our culture has gone over the last 80 years means that they are not very constrained socially, and perhaps feeling a little agoraphobic about it. We've gotten rid of a lot of the old obligations. People who lunch with their second cousins are presumed to be doing so out of actual commonality or affection rather than a sense that One Must Spend Time With Family. Most of the old fraternal organizations are dying, because, "Your grandpa and your uncle Bob were part of this group!" is not a reason for most people to join a group. Neighbors don't necessarily know each other socially; on the other hand, you are not often stuck at a horrible stultifying party with neighbors with whom you have nothing in common but house proximity. If you want to see people, if you want to be around people, you have to act, because the cultural default does not give you people, for the same reasons that it is not forcing unwanted people upon you.

I wish the meme writers could enjoy that as a sense of opportunity and a sense of abundance, as a freedom. I wish they would think of it in terms of a gift -- "What would you do if you got $10K suddenly?" maps a lot more closely to "What would you do if we were going to spend the weekend together just hanging out and having fun?" than to questions about being trapped or condemned to death. If you find the idea of having a few hours in an elevator with a friend to catch up or get to know each other appealing, maybe it's time to drop them an e-mail or pick up the phone or arrange to have a cuppa together. Maybe it's time to recognize that human connection doesn't have to be forced on us with no escape, we can choose it.

Or maybe it's just time to write some different questions because some of these have been answered a million times and we're starting to have rote or overthought answers. Your choice.

*My theory is that most question memes were written by 15-year-olds hoping for make-out offers. "Do you think I'm attractive?" If you want to ask this of someone, ask it, don't hide behind it just being one of the standard questions! for a meme you totally didn't write! you just passed it on! it's not your fault! Nobody bought that when you were 15. They're not buying it now.

**Not my situation. scottjames and I were trapped with thirteen of our closest homeroom classmates and our homeroom teacher in an elevator only slightly than my desk. It had a 450# weight limit. Hint: we exceeded that.

Comments

[ckd]

Every time I see that question, my first thought is always the same. "Well, unless I had to fly to get to wherever the elevator is, I pull out my handy multitool and see what we can do by way of getting unstuck."

Not that I don't want to spend time with the people on my flist, but somehow "room with comfy chairs" or "restaurant with good food" always seems to win out over "elevator with nowhere to sit" as a choice of venue.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

One could presume that "stuck" is meant to imply that reasonable actions have been taken to attempt to get out of the elevator. But yah, not so much the location of choice. Even the Minicon hotel breakfasts are better! :)

[redbird]

An elevator rules out almost everything, as you note--if I were, hypothetically, looking to solicit make-out offers, "what would you do with me if we were alone together?" would be a better question, because it doesn't start by presupposing the absence of a bed.

"Converse" has as a subset certain sorts of games, ranging from mental chess to things like geography and ghost that are popular for keeping children from kicking each other during long car trips. [Do kids on long car trips still play those, or do they all have portable DVD players or video games?*] Those have the advantage that you don't need to pull a deck of cards out of your pocket, at least.

Were I inclined to spread such memes [I rarely even respond to it] I might pass around "what would we talk about if we were stuck in an elevator together?" With the idea that it wouldn't be "what we were about to cook" nor yet anything for which the obvious follow-up is to go google for relevant information.

*No, not all kids have the portable DVD players; nor do everyone's parents have a reliable car and money for gas beyond that needed to get to work.

[sethb.livejournal.com]

I was stuck in an elevator once. (Annoyingly, it was about 3' below the floor, so I couldn't reach the release bar.) I phoned somebody to bring me a stick, and saved a couple of hours of waiting for the repairman.

If there had been someone else in the elevator with me, together we could have reached the release.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

When I was a teenager, my grandparents had a van with a TV and VCR in the back, and I never wanted to watch it. Long car trips are time to read!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The existence of the cell phone foils yet another lame creative writing class plot!

[ckd]

As far as that breakfast goes, I plan to keep "that breakfast was the worst $7 oatmeal I've ever eaten" a true statement by the simple precaution of never paying that much for oatmeal ever again.

[evangoer.livejournal.com]

When I was a little kid, there was this guy who ran a kind of summer day camp, packing up about 15 kids in his RV and taking them to museums and parks and the beach. Now I was quite the reader, but this guy not only had a TV in the back, but he had an Atari 2600 hooked up. Videogames... in the CAR! No one had seen the like. I guess my point is that I got really, really good at Pitfall.

[ksumnersmith.livejournal.com]

Now if only we could find a way to rid such classes of the "students listlessly discuss their love lives in a coffee shop" plot.

[zalena.livejournal.com]

Totally with you on the social constraints or lack thereof; but I DO spend a great deal of time with my extended family out of a sense of obligation, even if that obligation does not currently include church going or a fraternal order.

I also felt like randomly adding this: Circle yes or no.

I miss passing notes.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

converse or endure in silence. Those are what you've got.

Amazingly, I'm not just being contrary when I say: there's also sleep. Not for everyone, but that's my preferred option.

That would probably make an even more boring short story device, though.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

In the situation I was in (municipal parking garage elevator, suspect walls and worse floors, wintertime), that was most definitely not an option. We went with "Panic ever so slightly, use cell phone to dial local police when the call button proved to also be out of order, and wish that bathroom had been visited prior to entering elevator."

Oh, and also? "Use the stairs ever after in that parking garage."

[papersky.livejournal.com]

The one I hated in that set was "What was the worst thing that ever happened to you?" This was also clearly thought up by a fifteen year old where the worst thing that ever happened to them was leaving their homework in the car and getting a zero, or the time their best friend's mother misunderstood the timing for picking them up and they had to wait fifteen minutes in the rain. Because the worst things that ever happened to me are not things I want to think about along with what I'd do if I had a spare $10,000 or what my favourite colour is or even whether I'd want to make out with you in an elevator. In fact they are things that thinking about isn't much fun and if I mentioned them would bring a distinct drop in temperature to the conversation -- and that's just me! Far worse things have happened to other people and just this week. And it's supposed to be a conversation, that set of questions.

I mean imagine "I guess the worst thing that ever happened was probably the time my arm and leg got blown off in a landmine and then both my parents got killed trying to get me out of the minefield" being followed by "Oh. What's your favourite colour?"

[redbird]

You don't even need a cell phone--the emergency call button usually puts you in contact with someone who can help.

There's a nice bit in an Amanda Cross book where the phone is hooked into the university phone system, and the viewpoint character just happens to know the extension for the university president's office--not because she ever expected to need it, but because she was looking at the list and it was the same as the year of Queen Victoria's accession to the throne--and reaches his secretary, who appears relieved and happy to be faced with a problem that does not require her to break into her boss's meeting. Help arrives quickly.

[redbird]

Yes. At my age, my thought was "I'm not sure, and that's because there is no one really horrible thing in my past," while realizing that many of my friends would have an obvious choice--if nothing else, at 44, I know a lot of people who have lost dearly loved parents.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I think even that is sometimes supposed to give the meme writers the opportunity to be so incredibly sweet and sensitive! about the time the other person's great-grandpa died or something else bad. Without parsing how this question would work at the landmine scale, without parsing that with genuine bad things, somebody else making a particular occasion to be "sweet and sensitive" about it is not at all a plus.

[diatryma.livejournal.com]

I went through that meme on a friend's journal. It ran to four comments, because I believe in being thorough.

Your elevator-stuck situation is worse than any I could have potentially had. I agree that it is stupid to contrive such a situation to force conversation, and I expect a friend of mine is going to see a fair amount of that soon. She's doing a staged reading of a play which must be performed in a 4x4 space (feet, not meters) and I bet there will be lots of elevators. Sigh.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But I think that people who feel a sense of obligation towards their extended family feel it from that family rather than from the larger culture. Does that make sense? You could say to a group of people at work, "I just don't see my cousins very much -- I don't know, I just don't feel like it," and no one would be shocked and horrified. Great-Aunt Tildy might be shocked if you said to her, "I just don't like Second-Cousin Mildred very much, and I don't think I'll be seeing her much," but your friends aren't going to view you with censure.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I hope this optimism regarding the call button serves you well.

[diatryma.livejournal.com]

Rather, because I was unclear: I think that hers is one of several plays in a small space, and I do not trust anonymous playwrights to be creative necessarily.

The elevator bit in You've Got Mail was, in retrospect, kind of heavy-handed.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The problem is, cell phones aren't managing to stop students listlessly discussing their love lives in coffee shops. What we need is an alarm system in coffee shops to sense such conversations and then automatically call their cell phones!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I've never seen You've Got Mail. markgritter has a severe Meg Ryan allergy. The frothing at the mouth gets really messy.

Anyway, several plays in a small space: elevators and airplanes. Bank on it.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Also some people would be offended if they asked, "What would you do if we were stuck in an elevator?" and you answered, "Sleep. Or attempt to sleep."

And some people consider it a subset of enduring in silence. Although I suppose you might snore.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You'll regret that in 2058 when all oatmeal is $12 a bowl.

[diatryma.livejournal.com]

I have seen it, bit by bit, because it's almost always on some channel. It grew on me, after the first time, and then I managed to see all of it and NO. It is a fun movie, but it is the kind of fun that you don't want to think about, and I'm pretty bad at not thinking.

My friend's play is set at a funeral for maximum awkwardness. I'll ask her how the settings break down.

[zalena.livejournal.com]

Yep, my friends think I should stay the hell away from my extended family. My work certainly isn't inclined to give me time off to see them. That is, unless, I was married or had children, in which case it would be totally acceptible to be constantly taking time off and always be running late.

Signed,
Single and childless and definitely aware of the double standard.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

When I was a kid reading in cars made me throw up. I have not actually tested whether it still does.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

That is, unless, I was married or had children, in which case it would be totally acceptible to be constantly taking time off and always be running late.

Parents must love to work where you do; believe me, such is not the case everywhere.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I have a totally different take on these. I like answering them, and I'm fascinated by the different ways that different people answer the same question.

My answer to the "worst thing that ever happened to you" question was "My boyfriend, whom I thought (on little evidence) I would marry and live happily ever after with, breaking up with me when we were 19." To some, that may sound like the kind of answer a 15-year-old making up the meme would expect. But if you know, as some on my f-list do, a few facts of my life, it takes on a different significance, that it was worse than growing up in the circumstances I did, worse than the medical problems, worse than my father's and mother's and younger brother's deaths...

I think that one reason I like answering questionnaires of many kinds is that I don't think in words, and these force me to put things into words, so that if the issue comes up again, I have the words prepared. My mind seems to store things I have put into words in little mental cubbies, so I can pull them out again without having to re-"translate" into words. Of course, the older I get, the less reliable this retrieval system is, relying as it does--apparently--on some aspect of memory.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

Another possibility: ATM kiosk.

Some creative use of a stuck revolving door could be interesting. Or perhaps it would just turn out like "Boy in the Bubble" and be really cringe-inducing.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

Some people would be offended no matter what I answered.

I guess I think of enduring to be an act/state that requires consciousness.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

I'm more germphobic than most folks I know, but I'm also claustrophobic, so even with the questionable hygiene, I personally would still have gone for sleep.

(Based on prior experience with nasty surfaces, after rescue I would have likely stripped off as many layers as possible--cold be damned--and left them somewhere exposed for over a month before picking them up with gloves and machine washing both clothes and gloves).

Avoiding that elevator in the future sounds very wise.

[ashnistrike.livejournal.com]

You've just put your finger, or several fingers, on the reason I don't answer memes. My response to half of the questions is, "If you want to know, ask me privately, one-on-one."

[redbird]

Let's say that I'm more optimistic about the call button than about my cell phone's ability to make calls from elevators.

[guppiecat]

When I was a kid, I could read all day in a car. As I grew older, I lost that ability.

[guppiecat]

They are, however, shifting the love-life discussion to text messages, which is less annoying.

[redbird]

I am a bit less prone to carsickness when reading in buses than I used to be, though I have to be careful--I haven't tested whether this extends to cars being safer. (Trains and airplanes are fine.)

[redbird]

Is your extended family stressing you, or do your friends just want higher priority and not want to share your time with second cousins?

[redbird]

The other thing about a lot of those is that they're phrased so as to ask me to post the same information in comments to 15 people--and anyone who doesn't, for example, already know about my relationships isn't reading my journal.

[zalena.livejournal.com]

I don't spend a lot of time with my cousins; but I do think my family loyalty is largely regarded as unhealthy and misplaced. It's a values difference.

Also, I am single and do not have any children, so the energy they put into their spouses and children is channeled different places.

[redbird]

I have seen cases where a person's family loyalty has struck me as unhealthy and misplaces--they're cases where the problem isn't that the person is family by birth rather than choice, but because the relationship seems unhealthy. Beyond that, I see no more basis for someone to challenge your loyalty to that sort of family than there would be for them to challenge my loyalty to my partners because I don't have only one.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

I came across this one recently. I don't know if it's an actual meme or not, yet:

"There is at least one person on your friends list who wants to [expletive] your brains out. So let's play the [expletive] or Pass game.

The rules are simple:

If you want to [expletive] me, send me a reply saying 'I'd [expletive] you.' If you're feeling fancy, tell me how you want it.

But, you have to post this in your journal, in exchange. And marvel at the replies.

Comments screened to protect everyone."

Well. Definitely not coy or passive-agressive.