unexpectedly, bears

[mrissa]

I just got a piece of spam from Bear Trapping Holidays Inc.

Gosh.

The thing is, I can think of someone I used to know who might well be employed by Bear Trapping Holidays Inc. if his life took an undesirable yet plausible turn, though he'd be more likely to e-mail timprov than me.

(I'll bet its employees call it BTHI when they can. "What do you do?" ask their high school classmates at the reunion. "I do tech support for BTHI." And the ones who don't make suitably impressed sounds press further: "Really! What do they do?" "It's...ah...it's in the entertainment industry." "Ooh, do you know Alan Rickman?" "Um. No.")

This reminds me of the letter I got from my godmother when I was in college. "Dear Marissa," it began. "Today I was chased by a bear." I went to a friend who came from up north like where my godmother lives, and I said to her, "Is this normal?" She said, "Oh, no. Nononono. Definitely not." I said, "Oh good." She said, "When it used to happen to my Girl Scout troop, what we'd do was...."

And then I stopped her to explain. See, things that are not normal are things for which you do not have multiple instances of occurrence with your Girl Scout troop. All sorts of normal things may not happen more than once to your Girl Scout troop. But I remain firm in the idea that if your Girl Scout troop was chased by a bear (or--let me be clear that I still consider this relevant--multiple bears) on more than one occasion, it might not be normal, but it was still more normal than it should be.

But possibly this is why Bear Trapping Holidays Inc. is sending spam around the countryside: to alleviate negative population pressure on the Girl Scout herds of the region. It's a humanitarian outreach, really. Just misunderstood by our modern-day cynical make-a-buck culture. It's too bad that I'm mostly done with my Christmas shopping, really. All sorts of people could have had a Bear Trapping Holiday. Sort of like the charity goats in Africa, but with a higher likelihood of mauling for the lucky gift recipients. It's hard to get mauled by a charity goat in Africa when you're in Minnesota, is the thing. The bears are a lot more visceral. Rather literally, if you're not speedy about it.

Comments

[txanne.livejournal.com]

This made me laugh and laugh.

[timprov.livejournal.com]

He's a rural mail carrier, and thus probably has more job security than anyone else I know.

[batwrangler.livejournal.com]

You know what's sad? I am totally the target audience for BTHI!

Ps. I bet their mascot is a Karelian bear dog (http://www.beardogs.org/) named Solo.

[carbonel]

What I want to know is if the Bear Trapping Holidays are a catch-and-release program. It doesn't say anything about bear killing, after all.

[batwrangler.livejournal.com]

It probably depends on whether you go for the trophy, management, or research package. :)

[rosefox]

The spam I get is about an entirely different kind of bears.

EDIT: Er, or so I assume!

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

bears NEED holiday trappings. the snowflake sweaters, blow-up santa penguins and what have you.

[aedifica]

But sadly, the blow-up santa penguins never last long around the bears, try though the bears might.

Hee!

[retrobabble.livejournal.com]

Christopher Robin is very appropriate music. *loffs*

[oursin.livejournal.com]

The grizzly bear is fierce and wild
And has devoured an infant child.
The infant child is not aware
It has been eaten by a bear.
A E Housman, getting away from Shropshire and angst over cricket-playing ploughboys.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

B is for Basil, assaulted by bears.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Good.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That'd answer carbonel's question about whether it's a catch-and-release, I would hope.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Oh for cute!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Housman did have his moments.

Re: Hee!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I like playing with the music field from time to time, but this time it's gotten all sorts of Milne chasing itself through my head.

[pnkrokhockeymom.livejournal.com]

And then I stopped her to explain. See, things that are not normal are things for which you do not have multiple instances of occurrence with your Girl Scout troop. All sorts of normal things may not happen more than once to your Girl Scout troop. But I remain firm in the idea that if your Girl Scout troop was chased by a bear (or--let me be clear that I still consider this relevant--multiple bears) on more than one occasion, it might not be normal, but it was still more normal than it should be.

Yes, yes, yes! And I am cracking up right now, all alone and right out loud, because Montreal and I have this whole in-joke never-ending conversation about bears, because, you know, he's from *Canada* and--I mean, really, do I even have to explain?--bear central.

And he'll protest and all, but then when I asked him if he'd ever *seen* a bear, of course he had, and not in the zoo. Now, I know there are some bears in Michigan but I've never seen one, and if I did? In person? Wow! Not normal. Not something I'd ever have to develop a strategy for because of its tendency to recur.

[clarentine]

::falls over of helpless laughter::

Oh, Mris. *g* Thank you for the gift of lightheartedness on a dreary December Tuesday. I needed that.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Good. So did I.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Maybe if you were a Youper.

But you're not.

[pezwitch.livejournal.com]

I am quite thankful that my Girl Scout troop was never chased by a bear, not even once.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

With adult perspective, so am I. When I was a kid, there were a couple of days I wouldn't have minded throwing one or two of the other girls in my troop to the bears.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

...yeah, since I had that story come out in SH? I get that spam too.

It makes me go 0.o

[biguglymandoll.livejournal.com]

"... alleviate negative population pressure on the Girl Scout herds of the region."

WIN! You just made me spit my drink laughing!