Grandpa, fools, and Foyle's.

[mrissa]

One of the things I have been remembering about my grandpa lately is how little tolerance for stupidity he had. This may fall under the category of not discussing the faults of the dead, but in the context of his relationship with me it didn't feel like a fault, not the least little bit. He had no problem whatever with educating the ignorant, and his patience with people who were not naturally very quick-witted or were handicapped or had learning disabilities of whatever kind was a lot more extensive than most people's. It was people who could readily learn better and wouldn't who got to him, and he was always quick to make sure I knew that was what he meant. He would call me up when he was dealing with a particular group of people that frustrated him often, and he would say, "Rissy...they've apparently got stupid lying around over there that they haven't even used up yet...but they're trying." And I would say, "Let no one say they're not trying." (I had delighted, when I was about 5 or 6, in the dual meaning of "you're trying," and Grandpa and I sort of kept that as a thing between us for the rest of the time we had together.)

He also had some "saltier" expressions about The Dumb, maybe from his time in the Marines, and a few he cleaned up for me. He was very fond of "when God was handing out brains, so-and-so thought He said trains, and he/she didn't want to go anywhere." He laughed and laughed when I suggested, right before I got married, that this explained markgritter (Mark is very fond of trains). He also used "too dumb to pour pee out of a boot" (which I know was cleaned up from the Marine version) and sometimes "too dumb to pour pee out of a boot with a spigot on the toe and instructions on the heel."

But my personal favorites were "he couldn't find his ass with both hands and a map" or "he couldn't find his ass with a torch and a native guide." When I was maybe 6, I came to him anxiously--I wasn't supposed to have overheard Grandpa fulminating about someone's stupidity quite so vehemently in the first place--and asked if he knew that a British person would think he meant a flashlight and a native guide. He kept an absolutely straight face and decided that he was all right with that. He had another one with an actual flashlight in it, but I'm forgetting it.

I haven't been running into particularly egregious stupidity lately, so I'm not sure why this is at the top of my stack. I think maybe it's because it makes me smile or laugh thinking of my grandpa sighing and rolling his eyes. Also because one of the things I love about Foyle's War is that Christopher Foyle doesn't suffer fools gladly either, and they often let him take the said fools completely to bits sometime in the course of the episode, and some of the things he does when he does that remind me a bit of Grandpa, though I didn't put my finger on it right away.

Comments

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

A quote from my grandmother: "Experience is a dear school, but a fool will learn in no other."

[cathshaffer.livejournal.com]

I often find that a developentally disabled person is more sensible and trustworthy than some hot shot valedictorian type who thinks he knows everything but doesn't know what he doesn't know. One doesn't get through special education without being pretty cautious about knowing what you don't know, and understanding how to truly do your best within your limitations. Like, "Okay, I will need extra time to complete this task. I'd better plan for that."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yep, that was exactly the sort of thing Grandpa wanted to be careful that I knew he meant. He didn't want me going to school and being snarky and mean to someone who was careful and doing their best and giving a free pass to someone who had more natural abilities in a subject but was talking out their butt.

[cathshaffer.livejournal.com]

Good on him. I love his salty sayings. I may have to borrow them. I'm not sure I could pull off the pee/boot one, though. It's just not me. But one of my characters might utter something like it.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

my father says, and i have picked up on, "fails the bilateral butt location maneuver".

[txanne.livejournal.com]

Where I come from, it's "can't tell the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground." This led to a memorable set of illustrations when a friend tried to explain the expression to someone whose native language was not English.

[redbird]

Somewhere, I ran across a complaint from Mark Twain about an editor or typesetter who has confused burro and burrow.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

Bwee!

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

I doubt he ever said "doesn't know shit from Shinola," but I wanted to ask to make sure...

[auriaephiala.livejournal.com]

I *like* your grandfather! I wish it wasn't in retrospect.

I am way behind of Foyle's War-watching, though I've enjoyed every episode I've seen.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

We have that, and also "can't tell his/her ass from first base."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Mom assures me that he did say that, just not in front of me when I was little.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I wish it wasn't in retrospect, too. You're perfectly permitted to like my grandmother from afar in real-time. She is also awesome. They were a matched set.

I'm only just starting the third set of Foyle's War, so I too am way behind.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Oh, I genuinely thought you meant a flashlight right up until you clarified.

I know a whole pile of those about "When God was handing out" things, but they're mostly about looks. "When he said noses, I thought he said roses, and I asked for a big red one. When he said chins, I thought he said gins, so I said make mine a double!" Not as good as "Lesbian breaded rice", but in the same direction.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I...don't know about the Lesbian breaded rice.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

What a cool guy!

[papersky.livejournal.com]

It's what elisem once misheard a waiter offering. It was actually something much more boring "on a bed of rice".