S'il vous plait, dessinez-moi SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS.

[mrissa]

I get a shopping icon, and the Strib has to inspire me. Of course.

Someone supposedly wrote into the Strib this week to ask, "What on earth are carrot pants?" (I doubt this. I highly doubt that anybody is going around knowing that such a thing exists but not what. This is a ringer. But never mind, let us continue.) And in their explanation, the Strib said that the said carrot pants have tapered ankles but "use pleats to create volume through the hips."

...

Let's have a show of hands among female-identified persons over the age of, say, 14: who among us feels the need to use pleats to create volume through the hips? My ass is a size 4. 4. As in 4-pity's-sake even the insane American fashion industry cannot convince me that this is an overly large size. You know. That 4. And yet. Do I need pleats to create volume through the hips? I'm thinking no. I'm thinking not so much. How to tell my hips from pageant hair: they do not need volumizer. The end.

These are the pants for people who really, truly woke up one morning and said, "my top half is all right, but my lower half looks insufficiently like a root vegetable." But carrot, carrot seems like a misnomer to me, given how tall most of us aren't. I'm thinking turnip. I'm thinking rutabaga. And at that point, I beg--nay, I demand--that the fashion industry gives me what I truly need in trousers. Which is to say, the celeriac pants. The only pants in the world that look exactly like the baobab planet from Le Petit Prince. Hard to wash. Hard to iron. Hard to walk in. Yet awesome. With all the tendrils and the reconnection of the fabric to itself and possibly root charms hanging off. Come on! Celeriac pants! The natural next step in fashion evolution!

Seriously, people talk about looking at their old photos and thinking, "Did we ever think that looked good?" And I have this gift: I do that in real-time. Most of the stuff people wear most of the time looks fine to me at the time, and it looks fine to me in old photos. Yes, women's T-shirts were cut shorter in '01 than they are this year. They looked fine then, they look fine now, as long as you're not taking them to ridiculous extremes. When you are taking them to ridiculous extremes, they looked bad then, they look bad now. Or they look ridiculous but somehow work on you. Those are the options. When people from my high school post old photos on Facebook and write, "OMG can you believe we thought that looked good?", I either think, "Calm down, dude; deep breaths," or I think, "Who 'we,' kemosabe? Because, y'know. If you'd asked."

Carrot pants are not on the list of things you are destined to love later. Hold out for the celeriac pants. Or possibly the box to hold the sheep.

Comments

[txanne.livejournal.com]

I need a macro, or perhaps an icon, that says "MRIS IS AWESOME THE END."

[moiread]

........What.

[timprov.livejournal.com]

Carrot pants were necessary in order to turn Carrot Top into a complete outfit.

Duh.

[lutin.livejournal.com]

So long as it comes with the current icon, I'm all for it.

[lutin.livejournal.com]

My hair is not so long, nor so thick, that it can sensibly be called a "Top".

[daharyn.livejournal.com]

I have seen these on real people--and while I try to be a nice person, it's hard when someone's idiocy is showing. Definitely a "keep my mouth shut" moment.

[alecaustin.livejournal.com]

That would be a valuable macro.

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

If I wore carrot pants, I would look like a turnip.

I didn't even get to read this yet...

[freelikebeer.livejournal.com]

and I still chuckled. Something about Mris, makes me think Le Mris. You are playing to type.

[redbird]

Don't I have enough problems finding pants that fit before they clutter shelves and storerooms with things that look good on nobody?

I can accept that lots of people (adults of any gender) have longer inseams than I do; I wish the fashion industry could accept that if they are selling me things to be worn off the rack, they need to allow for women with short legs. (I am one inch shorter than the average for American women; my inseam is shorter than that on many "petite" pants, and three inches shorter than the usual "average" women's pants.)

I can accept that lots of people want pants whose waistline is below the natural waist; I prefer things that don't feel like they're trying to fall off, but many people don't seem to have that reaction.

But a description like that makes me want to check that the paper wasn't dated April 1.

(I need an icon for "the clothing industry clearly wants me to wear nothing but sunscreen.")

[dancing-crow.livejournal.com]

I, with my mad fabric skillllzz, offer to make you a pair of celeriac pants. they would have roots, and beads, and knots of twisty fabric awesomeness, and they would emphasize only that you knew a wingnut fabric geek.

[dancing-crow.livejournal.com]

also, both offspring adore your icon. The big one has been quoting it.

[brooksmoses]

I can sort of understand a desire to have pleats at the top of some pants to create volume. I have pants of that nature, with a couple of pleats at the top, where by "create volume" one means "allow the top of the pants to expand to a point whereby they have sufficient volume to accomodate the volume of me that is occupying them."

However, I somewhat doubt that that's really the sort of "create volume" that they meant, and there is a difference between a couple of discreet discrete pleats to relieve an area of otherwise-pulled-tight plain fabric, and, y'know, pleats. (On the other hand, looking at photos, it seems at least plausible to me that that may be what they started out meaning, at least.)

While looking for photos to see what this meant, I came across this photo of actual carrot pants (well, at least, actual carrots). And also this pair of pants, which are carrot pants but even worse.

(Also, about women's T-shirts being cut short: Is this just T-shirts, or all shirts? I know someone who sometimes has annoyance of her shirts being a bit short, and I wonder if this implies that getting new ones might help with that. But mostly the problems are not T-shirts.)

[shana.livejournal.com]

I read that as carrot plants, and it took me a bit to figure out why this wasn't a gardening entry...

[ellarien]

The celeriac pants sound like something ursulav would paint.

Sometimes I despair of ever understanding fashion. Just when I've spent long enough trying to pay attention to deduce that tapered and pleated pants are deprecated, suddenly they're the latest thing again?

[ellarien]

I think it's all shirts, more or less -- and sweaters, too. I certainly found it a lot easier to find ones that would stay tucked in, the last couple of seasons. Skirt and pant waistbands are migrating upwards again as well, which helps with the problem of making the ends meet.

(I'm not talking about high fashion here, but about what's available in middle-of-the-road department stores.)

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I can explain low waistlines, though not ultra-low ones. Those of us who are short-waisted, without much room between the bottom of the ribcage and the top of the hipbones, tend not to indent much at the waist because there's just no room to. Therefor it's considerably more comfortable to wear something that's cut to sit at the hipbones, because we can breathe. Things that are cut to sit at the waist tend to assume said waist is somewhere in the middle of my ribs, and thus if they fit in the hips I can barely fasten the top. (I suspect a lot of things that hit me a little below the navel are cut with the expectation that they'll sit on my hipbones. But at least that makes them about the right diameter, and so they are comfortable.) I can see how they wouldn't work well for women with a long rise and a small waist/hip ratio, but they do work for some of us.

For carrot pants, however, I have no justification.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

I read that as carrot plants
Me too!

All I can think of, vis-a-vis carrot pants, is the jumpsuit that Tina Weymouth wore in the Stop Making Sense movie. You know the one, it was beige with the wide, wide hips and tiny ankles, because this is what we did in the 80s. In the audio commentary on the DVD, she mocks her outfit mercilessly.

Speaking of the 80s, I was in Claire's the other day, and there were these earrings that had bright colors in checkerboard patterns. I had things in those exact shades and patterns in 1986. Minor flashback, there!

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

This sounds like something I can blame on American Apparel.

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

We've had carrot pants for years and years. But we've called them "mamma jeans."

Nothing new under the sun.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, they don't seem to recognize the difference between "that would only look good on a fashion model" and "the fashion model would still be attractive to those people who find fashion models attractive, but the pants would still look hideous." Which latter category is much, much larger than they think.

Which latter category, though, prompts me to remind the internet at large of the very useful response when shopping with fragile friends, sweethearts, family members, etc.:
"How do I look?"
"You, as always, look great. Those pants, not so good. But you? Great."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Hee. This is an awesome idea I will not take you up on. But still an awesome idea.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, most women's shirt lengths are longer the last few years than they were the few years before that. Not all. But most. They are trending towards tunic length rather than towards crop-top length. This may swing back, so your annoyed person may want to shop quickly.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Carrot plants, while not my domain--markgritter is the gardener--are very sensible.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That is understanding fashion, right there. Things that were just now no good are suddenly good, and vice versa. Because otherwise we could just keep wearing what we had, if it was made from decent stuff.

[dancing-crow.livejournal.com]

Actually you have inflamed my imagination and now I must make a pair, however I think they should be for a smaller scale then ourselves, so as not to overwhelm innocent bystanders.

[aedifica]

That is an excellent response, and I'm going to try to remember it in case I ever go shopping with my most-traditionally-girly friend.

[aedifica]

Whereas I went to buy more of my favorite shirts this summer and discovered that the shirts with the very same name are now too long--I liked them top-of-the-hip-length, now they're middle-of-the-butt-length or longer on me. :-(

[moiread]

I have been terribly grateful for this trend. Because of my bust, shirts that are supposed to hit at the hip will wind up becoming a navel-baring sort instead. I'm sure you know what I mean. At least now chances are good I'll have a shirt that's long enough in front!

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

As a short-waisted person, let me just say "yes, yes, yes, and more yes, please, thank you very much" to this.

The 80's were not kind to me. My floating ribs were pretty much corseted by anything available for sale at that time.

But carrot pants - agreed. No. Just no.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

The photo you linked to basically looks to me like WW2-era jodhpurs. Which, if you're riding a horse prior to the advent of spandex, yes. Otherwise, no.

[zeborah]

Ah! I'm oblivious of fashion, but this explains why the shirts I have from a few years ago worked really well to be worn out, and yet the latest shirt I bought hangs low unless I tuck it in, at which point it still doesn't look right.

Are we meant to be wearing shirts out or tucked in at the moment?

(You know what would be handy? Right after the weather forecast they could explain what's going on in fashion at the moment.)

[auriaephiala.livejournal.com]

Not ALL short-waisted people are built alike. I am very short-waisted and cannot wear trousers that end on the hips instead of the waist. They fall off my hips, and look ridiculous on me and are incredibly uncomfortable. YMMV.

It's been very difficult for the last five years to find a pair of trousers that simply fit.

But I agree carrot-pants would suit almost no one.

[auriaephiala.livejournal.com]

I remember reading a guide to fashion for men that essentially said: wear flat-front trousers, not pleated-front trousers, because the pleats make almost any man look fat.

And if that's true for men, how much more true is it for women? No to carrot-pants.

(I've certainly found that flat-front chinos (at the natural waist) are the most comfortable and flattering style for me. (YMMV.))

I love the idea of celeriac pants.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I do know what you mean. For several years there it was a good thing I did not have a shy navel, because it would be making an appearance if I wore what was available in shops.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

That's a terrific response.

rysmiel is useless for this kind of thing, because it is impossible for a rysmiel to not like what people look like, no matter what they're wearing. I might suggest this formulation as likely to be useful.

(Z is better, because he will say that something looks bloody awful, which I would rather know. If Z says it looks OK, then I can trust that it does. I bought a great denim dress with embroidered flowers and huge pockets when out for a walk with Z last weekend.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

This is good, unless Z's standards for what looks bloody awful and yours don't overlap significantly, or unless how they overlap is unknown. But by now I expect you have a good data set on his aesthetics.