I'm sorry you choose to take "Hurtfeelingsmom" ans anything other than a shorthand for "the mother who has chosen to share her hurt feelings with the entire group." I am also sorry you feel a need to decalre me not a "gracious and artful conversationalist." I would submit that that sort of jab is neither gracious nor artful, but leave you to decide for yourself if it's an acceptable level of offense.
R is a friend of S, the mom who hosted. She is NOT a friend of the guest of honor. Her children are not especial friends of the guest of honor. That R has chosen to be snippy at those who attended with their children (we do all remember that this was a child's birthday party, parents were incidental) is pretty off putting to me. Should S really have invited HER friend with her much younger children to her daughter's party despite the daughter's wishes? The young lady was turning 14 and wanted "just the big kids." She wanted her peers, not every child of every family in the larger group and I think it would have been awful of her mother to insist that her party be about mom's friends and their potential for hurt feelings.
We meet weekly with children ranging from 1 to 18. We are not all friends. Many, even most are friends or at least friendly acquaintances but some people don't care for each other. If 10 of us are sitting in a circle there are at least 4 conversations going on. If I turn to speak to S, the entire group is not held hostage to our brief bit of chatter.
While I think it is important to avoid hurting feelings, I think there is a limit to how far one can go before one is treating the other person like a fragile child. That to me is far more offensive than asking S about a towel. At a certain point it diminishes the adult and treats them like they are incapable of being rational about the fact that we all have lives without each other and I would find that pretty disrespectful.
And yes, I think when one takes their hurt feelings and expresses them sulkily all over the social group, on has crossed a line between "being sad" and "being offensive" and that big girl panties are in order. Even if you want to declare that S and I should be subject to R's snippiness because we dared to make passing references to a gathering she wasn't invited to, the other 7 people in the circle? They definitely don't need to hear it. Which do you think bothers them more, the passive-agressive sulk or me asking S if we left a towel at her house?
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Date: 2011-07-18 04:48 pm (UTC)R is a friend of S, the mom who hosted. She is NOT a friend of the guest of honor. Her children are not especial friends of the guest of honor. That R has chosen to be snippy at those who attended with their children (we do all remember that this was a child's birthday party, parents were incidental) is pretty off putting to me. Should S really have invited HER friend with her much younger children to her daughter's party despite the daughter's wishes? The young lady was turning 14 and wanted "just the big kids." She wanted her peers, not every child of every family in the larger group and I think it would have been awful of her mother to insist that her party be about mom's friends and their potential for hurt feelings.
We meet weekly with children ranging from 1 to 18. We are not all friends. Many, even most are friends or at least friendly acquaintances but some people don't care for each other. If 10 of us are sitting in a circle there are at least 4 conversations going on. If I turn to speak to S, the entire group is not held hostage to our brief bit of chatter.
While I think it is important to avoid hurting feelings, I think there is a limit to how far one can go before one is treating the other person like a fragile child. That to me is far more offensive than asking S about a towel. At a certain point it diminishes the adult and treats them like they are incapable of being rational about the fact that we all have lives without each other and I would find that pretty disrespectful.
And yes, I think when one takes their hurt feelings and expresses them sulkily all over the social group, on has crossed a line between "being sad" and "being offensive" and that big girl panties are in order. Even if you want to declare that S and I should be subject to R's snippiness because we dared to make passing references to a gathering she wasn't invited to, the other 7 people in the circle? They definitely don't need to hear it. Which do you think bothers them more, the passive-agressive sulk or me asking S if we left a towel at her house?