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Nothing humbles you quite like a $70 “effortless” top that turns into a fabric straitjacket. In a viral TikTok, a Florida woman casually strolls into Aritzia and later leaves without her dignity.
Unfortunately for her, all respectability was–quite literally– sheared off the minute she got stuck in the wardrobe. Good thing retail workers are often hailed as society’s unsung heroes. This time, they were moonlighting as EMTs. Who knew the power a pair of scissors could hold?
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fancakecaptainawkward_feedAnnouncement: the audience for these has changed, so I’m going to do them once every three or four months instead of monthly. So please come to this January one if you’re interested, there won’t be another until probably April.
24th January, 1pm, Royal Festival Hall, Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX.
We will be on Level 5 blue side (the upper levels are no longer closed to non-ticket-holders), but I don’t know exactly where on the floor. It will depend on where we can find a table.
I have shoulder length brown hair, and will have my plush Chthulu which looks like this:
Please obey any rules posted in the venue.
The venue has lifts to all floors and accessible toilets. The accessibility map is here:
The food market outside (side away from the river) is pretty good for all sorts of requirements, and you can also bring food from home, or there are lots of cafes on the riverfront.
Other things to bear in mind:
1. Please make sure you respect people’s personal space and their choices about distancing.
2. We have all had a terrible time for the last four years. Sharing your struggles is okay and is part of what the group is for, but we need to be careful not to overwhelm each other or have the conversation be entirely negative. Where I usually draw the line here is that personal struggles are fine to talk about but political rants are discouraged, but I may have to move this line on the day when I see how things go. Don’t worry, I will tell you!
3. Probably lots of us have forgotten how to be around people (most likely me as well), so here is permission to walk away if you need space. Also a reminder that we will all react differently, so be careful to give others space if they need.
Please RSVP if you’re coming so I know whether or not we have enough people. If there’s no uptake I will cancel a couple of days before.
kate DOT towner AT gmail DOT com
bruce_schneier_feedThis isn’t good:
We discovered a critical vulnerability (CVE-2026-21858, CVSS 10.0) in n8n that enables attackers to take over locally deployed instances, impacting an estimated 100,000 servers globally. No official workarounds are available for this vulnerability. Users should upgrade to version 1.121.0 or later to remediate the vulnerability.
selenakbimo, it did occur to me that Syril Karn’s part of the Ghorman arc in the second season of Star Wars: Andor in a way is the Mirrorverse, twisted version of a rather popular trope.
ysabetwordsmithfox_in_me on addme.goals_on_dw.awesomeers.
the_comfortable_courtesanSir Vernon Horrabin looked across his desk at his colleague. It argues exceeding well for the confidence your subordinates have in you, Carson, that Nottinge felt able to bring this sordid matter before you.
Carson leant back in his chair and nodded. I have quite exhorted 'em to come to me should they have any of the little troubles of youth – they are entrusted with heavy matters of the nation, there are ever those will go probe for any weakness – will not name names but will say there was a sad instance to do with the Board of Control of recent years –
Excellent well! said Sir Vernon, though that was a very foolish habit in Frimleigh of taking papers home, even had his son not been caught up in the toils of that Yankee fellow. But to the Nottinge business.
Pray, he thought, 'tis not a recurrence of the same plot.
Carson folded his hands. Why, here is Nottinge, discovers that a letter from his betrothed, that contains what he calls embarrassing matter has disappeared, and then shortly afterwards he receives a note – that he very sensibly brought to me – demanding payment for discretion.
Embarrassing matter?
Carson could not repress a lopsided smile. It transpired that Nottinge has a taste for dressing in women’s clothing – discovered this when obliged to take the woman’s part in plays at school – and his young lady is entirely confederate in this, advises him upon styles, &C, and in this particular epistle, writes that she has obtained an elegant set of stays that she fancies will fit him after she has made a few alterations –
Sir Vernon chuckled and then, more soberly, said would that more wives and young ladies would show such sympathy towards their husbands’ odd quirks, 'twould mean a deal less trouble –
Then added, but he does not go display himself thus in public?
Carson shook his head. I apprehend that there is no matter of actual masquerade – merely that he enjoys wearing female garb –
Why, one sees that this would be most embarrassing did it get out – I am right, am I not, in thinking that Nottinge is a prime sportsman, noted cricketer, fine shot, hard rider to hounds &C – Carson agreed that this was so – but 'tis in no way illegal. Let me consider over it a moment.
He steepled his fingers under his chin.
Why, this has been so very prudently beforehand that I am inclined to say that we might make a small outlay from the Special Fund as, shall we say, a sprat to catch a mackerel? I should be interested to observe whether, is he seen to pay up very brisk, the demands move on to matters of papers to which he has access.
Carson gave a slow nod. You put it very justly.
And I will keep the note, to see will it tell me anything further. Does it not look to you like a lady’s hand? though one supposes that a fellow in this line of business would also command the arts of forgery.
After the grateful Carson had left – for Nottinge was by way of being a protegé of his – Sir Vernon looked at the note.
Very much like a lady’s handwriting – and a good quality of paper, as well –
He shook his head. Must turn his attention to other business, and leave this until he might convoke with the lovely Clorinda.
Some few years ago he had made the error of supposing 'twas high time they married – felt age beginning to creep up on him – a desire to settle – put matters on a more regular footing. But had come about to realize that, however much a domestic life in that superbly run household appealed, it was far more valuable to the interests of the nation that the widowed Dowager Marchioness of Bexbury should appear as a free agent.
He grinned to himself. It had been Lord Julian Favell’s odd quirk concerning female feet that had first drawn the Foreign Office’s attention to a certain Lady of the Town, that he had found intelligent, first-rate at drawing out a fellow, and also entirely discreet. She had done 'em excellent service in that capacity, and even since her elevation had continued most useful to the nation’s interests.
Had quite the most valuable connexions! He did not interrogate how the little Hacker had come to learn her skills, but her ability with locks and more general legerdemain was quite unsurpassed. One did not, perchance, want to make an open approach to the former Bow Street Runner Matt Johnson and his investigation agency but was often a source of prime intelligence into assorted malefactions of state interest. And there was Clorinda, as 'twere the conduit.
So here he was in Clorinda’s exquisite parlour, and here was Miss Hacker presenting in her capacity as does the occasional secretarial tasks for Lady Bexbury, and all was in order for a fine exchange of intelligence.
Hacker conceded that Matt was entire agreeable to opening the course of their investigations to Sir Vernon – what they had at present was some two or three cases in hand that seemed very much about, I have your secret you would not want known, give me money! – so that they wondered whether 'twas some member of that same set had had setbacks at the tables or on the racecourse –
She explained their reasoning as to how they came at the supposition that it was either some individual in the same circle, or at least mayhap a maid or valet that would have access to the places where they gathered.
Sir Vernon nodded. Remarked that the fellow that had come to his attention was no idle man about Town – had the prospect of a fine career ahead of him – but his breeding and reputation as a sportsman would undoubtedly convey him the entrée to such circles. And was it all gentlemen that had been troubled in this way?
She shook her head. There is one lady – so far – 'tis quite the moral tale – had been lured into a card-playing set – made considerable losses – found herself obliged to pawn certain items of family jewellery that she never wore as frightful old-fashioned – then someone acquires the pawn-tickets and holds 'em to ransom.
Somehow – from a certain flash in Clorinda’s lovely blue eyes – he had a notion that there might be some quite informal investigation undertaken into this card-playing set!
So, Hacker went on, we begin to as 'twere draw a map of the circle in question –
That was very neatly done – and indeed, he could already see that these were acquaintances of young Nottinge.
I do not like to prejudge, murmured Clorinda, but I must observe that these are sets where Mr Mortimer Chellow has lately been seen, now he is so constantly in Blatchett’s company. And while there is a little coolness towards Blatchett, no-one has yet gone so far as to exclude him from their invitations.
Chellow is certainly a noxious creature, Sir Vernon agreed, and this sort of enterprize would not surprize me in him. But let us keep our minds open.
They sipped their tea and nibbled on the excellent cakes that Euphemia had baked and he fancied that there was a further matter waiting to be opened.
Hacker cleared her throat. 'Tis a difficult problem for the agency – how to undertake an investigation in such circles –
Sir Vernon smiled. Why, I was about to come to that. I am not altogether confident that this is merely some matter of raising the ready and that there is not some darker purpose behind which is why my young colleague, that is not particularly well-to-do, has been approached.
Clorinda drooped her eyelashes at him. La, Sir Vernon, are the interests of the nation at stake?
'Tis possible. And thus I volunteer the services of a certain young man about Town –
Hacker grinned. That I have taught the tricks of locks &C? Has somewhat of a dissipated reputation?
I had supposed, said Clorinda, that he was bound for some Embassy.
There is no immediate haste, said Sir Vernon. Is entirely the chap for this mission.
So here he was, looking across his desk at Lord Gilbert Beaufoyle, that had clearly been carefully cultivating an air of dissipation and at present was wearing a somewhat sullen expression.
'Twas understandable! Here he had the prospect of Paris, that was indeed quite the accolade so early in his career, and first there was, let us delay until after the election so that he could go display about the balls &C in the constituencies where there was Mulcaster interest, and now there was this desire that he should go disport in the set about Trelfer and South Worpley –
I doubt, said Lord Gilbert in sulky tones, that they will be extending me invitations. For 'twas still the case that the Ladies Inez and Leah, formerly bosom friends, to whom those eligible partis the heirs to the Duchy of Humpleforth and to the Marquessate of Emberry still aspired, continued to doat on that romantic, positively Byronic figure.
Sir Vernon smirked. They will certainly be inviting your brother Sallington, and does he indicate a desire that the invitation should include you, I fancy they would hardly refuse.
Lord Gilbert groaned. Indeed they will – Trelfer purposes some gathering at Mellonby, and m’brother is not inclined to cut – says at the very least he supposes there will be a painting or so of interest – there is also – Trelfer will boast upon it – an armoury displaying a deal of weapons. That I have some notion were not so much ones that his ancestors drew in the heat of battle but that some forebear collected.
Sir Vernon smirked again and said, indeed, a fine array of duelling swords and pistols!
Lord Gilbert groaned again. Lord. But I will go be dutiful.
I would not expect anything else. But I have been giving some thought to providing you with a dark secret –
He observed that young Beaufoyle was still capable of being brought to a blush.
So here I have just the thing, entire in keeping with your reputation – that evoked lifted eyebrows – a handbill, and some correspondence with a certain quack, that promises very discreet and expeditious treatment, without mercury, for a certain ailment. One may suppose that 'tis entirely the sort of thing you would not want bruited about.
Most certainly not!
And of course a packet of the pills.
Lord Gilbert sighed, and nodded.
olivermossaskamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My coworker spends so long in the bathroom that I’m stuck with all the work
Can anything realistically be done about a coworker who spends ages in the bathroom?
We work in a cafeteria in four-hour shifts where there’s only one hour we serve food. It’s two people on our shift, me and Fergus.
He’s in the bathroom for at least 15-20 minutes, sometimes twice a shift. He does sometimes wait until it’s slow, but sometimes he takes so long it goes into when we’re busy. Like yesterday he went at 5:25, and at 5:45 I got fed up and yelled his name. He finally came back. Lunch starts at 6 and we actually start making it at 5:30, so I was stuck doing everything alone pretty much.
He swears our food is what’s giving him stomach issues, but he does this even if he just got to work, and also won’t stop eating the food here.
I complained to our boss today, and it’s on her list of stuff to take care of, but as far as we know all she can really do is make him get a doctor’s note. (We’re in Canada by the way, so the grand cost of that is $20 if he goes to a walk-in clinic.) She kind of wants to tell him he can’t take his 15-minute break if he spends that long in the bathroom, but I’m not sure that’s legal.
Is there anything she can do about this? Three of us have complained about it, and one person said he was in there for 45 minutes.
I can’t speak to Canadian laws, but in general the best way for you to address this — versus your boss — is to keep letting your boss know that you don’t have enough staffing to get the work done because Fergus is in the bathroom for such long periods. What she does about that is between her and Fergus; the part that affects you, and the part you should stay focused on, is that you’re left doing a two-person job by yourself for long stretches. In other words, you don’t have to solve the bathroom question, which is good news! Your role is to present the impact it’s having on you; her role is to figure out what to do about that.
(If she were the one writing to me, obviously the advice would be different. In the U.S., she could definitely tell him that breaks of X minutes or longer count as his break … and she could also explore the question of whether he can do the job at all if he’s regularly missing that much of a four-hour shift. He very well may have a medical need that he needs to pursue formal accommodations for, and part of that process would be assessing how much of the shift he can reasonably be absent for.)
2. Should I fire someone over email?
I run a small nonprofit animal sanctuary. We are in an at-will employment state. In August, we hired a part-time employee for 16-20 hours per week. Her interview went great, her references were stellar, and her probationary employment period was perfect. Everyone was excited to have her on the team, and we invested a lot of time into her training.
The very day after her probationary period ended (which consisted of a meeting that went well and a 10% raise from the hourly wage she was hired at), she changed. She is now creating a toxic workplace for others, going behind her manager’s back to get to me (the executive director) after her manager has already answered her questions, talks back to team members, completely ignores our process/notes/training, and is not completing the job she was hired for. I am confident I will need to terminate her.
My own mentor has always coached me through terminations in cases like this to pull the person aside at their next shift, have a brief meeting with a well-written script, and then let them go for the day with full pay for the hours they would have worked that week. We always follow up with an email to recap the meeting and confirm the termination.
Here is where it gets tricky: She lives about 45 minutes away and doesn’t have a car. Her mom drives her to work and picks her up, and we allowed for her schedule to start with hours that would align with her mother’s availability to give her a ride. I don’t feel like it’s fair to have her arrive to work (her mom then leaves) and then have her here all day. Nor do I feel like it makes sense to have her here all day and then terminate her right before she leaves, because I can’t guarantee exactly when her mom would show up, and I don’t trust her alone. It also feels crappy to expect her mom (who works) to turn around and drive another 90 minutes round-trip to pick her up after she is terminated. I also don’t feel it will work to give her a heads-up that I want to meet with her, and have her mom “hang out.”
Do you think I can terminate her over email in this instance? I did google it and it’s not illegal to do so. The only warning is that whatever you write can be used against you if they file wrongful termination. I have all things very well-documented. This termination should not come as a surprise to her based on the meetings, emails, texts, and conversations we have had over the last 90 days, honestly, although I’m certain she will say it will.
Email is not a good idea because you won’t know for certain that she’s seen it; some people don’t check email for days.
This is what phone calls are for! Call her and do it over the phone. If you get voicemail, leave a message telling her that you need to talk with her as soon as possible and to call you back. Then follow up with a text reiterating that you need her to call you.
If she doesn’t call you back and just shows up for her next shift anyway, would you consider paying for her transportation home immediately afterward? Covering the cost of a ride service would be a reasonable investment in making this go smoothly.
Related:
can I fire an employee by phone or email?
3. My hourly coworker was working overtime but not reporting it
I had a coworker a while back, when I was hired in a professional role and they were admin support at a small company. I was not their supervisor and not in a managerial role in any capacity. They mentioned a few times in passing that they had been getting increasing responsibilities that they weren’t able to complete in their regular hours and so they were working late and on weekends. One day they made it clear that they were not being forthcoming with their supervisor about the extra time it was taking to complete their work because management had already made it clear that they should be able to complete it on time. I recommended they try to talk to their manager again, but they were worried the company would rather hire someone more efficient instead of paying them overtime or working with them to find another solution. They were close-ish to retirement age, able to work a lot from home, and found an identity in that job so they didn’t love the idea of looking for another one.
Based on my observations at the time, the employee’s concerns about being replaced seemed plausible enough and so I felt like they were in a really tough situation. What advice might you give to someone who is essentially hiding their overtime to avoid the risk of losing their job? I’m also curious if you think I had an obligation to disclose any of this. I never said anything because I didn’t want to put my coworker’s job in jeopardy and I didn’t think the company was actually doing anything illegal since they weren’t aware of the overtime hours. But I’m curious about how I could or should have handled it.
We had a letter last year from someone who was in a position similar to your coworker’s; they found they needed to work longer hours than colleagues did to complete the same amount of work and were wondering why they couldn’t opt out of overtime pay so that their company would be more likely to be okay with it. I don’t know if that was your coworker’s situation or whether the problem was an unreasonable workload, but if it’s the former it’s a tough position to be in and I can understand why your coworker landed where she did, even if it’s not a good long-term plan. (The unreasonable workload situation is tough too, but there are at least more ways to try to resolve that.)
If you weren’t in a management role, you had no obligation to say anything — and you were right not to, since you could have gotten your coworker fired for something that really wasn’t your business. If you were a manager, that would have been different; then you’d have an obligation to speak up, because your coworker was creating a legal liability for your company (even though they weren’t aware of the overtime).
4. How should I tell interviewers I’m leaving my job because my boss hates women?
I work in a very female-dominated profession and am a woman. I joined this team two years ago; my supervisor is a man, and most of the team at his level is split between men and women, most of the team at my level is women, and the director of our unit is a woman. I knew the team from working a contract here previously, I had actually golfed with this guy, and had no problem with him. After working with him for the last two years, I do have a problem with him — multiple problems, that have made me decide to start job hunting so I can get out before he damages my career, reputation, and love for this work further.
I’m fairly certain I can get a good reference from other people in my department, but won’t be asking my boss to be a reference because I hadn’t worked with him for very long before I came to understand he despises women. On paper, this is a great team, job and paycheck, and I know when I inevitably interview multiple people will ask why I’m leaving when my job is so great. How do I answer that? That I’m leaving because my boss didn’t train me, made fun of me during my first day for not doing as well as I should have, “considering the time I took” on the applicant skills test when I was interviewing, micromanaged me, deliberately scored me low on performance evaluations, gave my projects and work to the only man on our team because he likes him better, and made it clear that this was because he hates women and doesn’t think they should work at my level? What do I say in my cover letter?
My instinct is to go for blunt honesty, but I’m afraid of being asked why I didn’t grieve his behavior with my union or go to the director (I did both, for different events, and was told I was making a big deal out of nothing and I could let it go or go into mediation with him, but nothing was going to happen).
You shouldn’t get into any of that. You’re not required to open your heart up to interviewers and tell them all your innermost thoughts, regardless of what they ask. You’re allowed to come with a professional answer that doesn’t require you to badmouth your boss (even though that badmouthing sounds quite deserved), because badmouthing your boss is often considered an interview faux pas and you don’t want to set yourself up to be penalized for being honest. Instead, come up with a more boring answer.
Since you’ve been there two years, you can simply say, “I’ve been here two years and I’ve enjoyed the work, but I’m really interested in this position because ___.” In other words, talk about why the job you’re interviewing for appeals to you, not why you’re trying to leave your current job.
More here:
how do I tell interviewers why I’m leaving my job without badmouthing my employer?
5. Is this a demotion?
Less than a year ago, I started working at a great company. I really like the person I was reporting to (who is a director). My job description had a manager title (I did not manage people) and called for 7-10 years of experience. I have almost 20 years of experience doing this work.
Due to a re-org, I was just moved to a newly-created team with a first-time manager who is one or two levels down from director. The job description is slightly different which is fine, but I noticed that it calls for 3-5 years of experience.
I’m told my pay and pay grade are not changing, but I can’t help but feel like this is kind of a demotion. I still have “manager” in my title but it seems like they just did that because it was in my last title. (I’m still not managing anyone and in fact, where before I was a one-person team, I’m now part of a multi-person team.) The others on the team are much less experienced than I am and are at more of an associate level. (The manager has less experience as well but has been with the company for several years, it being their first post-college job.)
I’m wondering if this will affect my ability to get raises, since I may be getting paid more than this role would have paid if I hadn’t been moved into it, or even that they might look to replace me with someone who would get a lower salary.
I’m curious if you think these concerns are valid. I don’t want to leave this company and don’t plan to make any changes any time soon, but I am wondering if my concerns are legit.
Yes, those are legitimate concerns, particularly the one about not getting raises if they normally wouldn’t pay you this much but did just so they wouldn’t be giving you a pay cut. It’s less likely that they’re going to try to replace you with someone lower paid or else they probably would have just cut your position to begin with … but it’s possible and you’re right to have it on your radar.
But I’m also curious about whether the new job is the same role as the other, less experienced people on your team are in. It’s possible that your new job is one that requires and make use of your higher experience level, in which case I’d be less concerned than if you’re all doing more or less the same work.
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