Week of February 27-March 5

[mrissa]

Two rejections. That's it.

Reading John M. Ford's Web of Angels. Cybery. Not very punky. This is fine with me. Self-conscious punk gives me a pain sometimes.

Somebody brought his allergies home with him last night and woke up early and in need of medication for them, so I'm a bit weary.

I'm weary in entirely the other direction because of this Electrolite discussion. So for the record: physics degree. Hard SF writing. Fantasy writing. Breasts. None of this incompatible. You may even check my overt femminess at local events; may I suggest Minicon? she said subtly. I look extremely girly. You will not have any doubts about my sex even when regarding me fully clothed.*, **

When I left physics, one of the hardest things was getting over the idea that there were two kinds of people: the kind who can do physics and the kind who don't do physics. It's insidious in that kind of atmosphere. It's also very, very wrong. It's not just wrong in the sense that there are two levels of smart (smart enough to do physics and not) rather than different flavors of smart. It's wrong in that people like me can have the capabilities and find other things more interesting. Really. Truly.

Feeling I have to say that makes me tired.

Look, my mom was steered away from science and math because she was a girl. Told she didn't need more than I forget what, geometry or algebra II or something else I knew inside out well before I turned 15. You don't get to do that and then turn around and say, "Well, we haven't been doing that in the last five minutes, so now it's a level playing field and women just must suck and be incapable of writing hard SF even though they do in great numbers so there so there sew buttons on your underwear!" You. Just. Don't. As a teenager, I was told that I should consider biology because it might be socially better because there are more women. (Because clearly if there aren't very many women in physics already, adults should encourage teenage girls to abandon strong interest in it.) Yes, it's extremely wearing to be hugged by teary-eyed moms over and over again and told that you're "a pioneer!" for doing demos for high school students during your college's recruiting events. But the solution to that is to take some deep breaths, eat your LN ice cream, and go on with your life, not to discourage kids from doing any of it in the future. Physics was wrong for me because I'm a writer, not because I'm a chick.

BLECH.

*Which I will be at Minicon.

**When I was a freshman in college, I requested flannel nightshirts to get me through Minnesota winter nights. I did not want pink-and-eyelet ruffled monstrosities. Just plain plaid flannel was good with me. My mom surveyed the plain, dark nightshirts I'd just unwrapped as Christmas presents and wailed, "People will think they look like a boy's nightshirts." And my dad stared at her, and then said, very gently, "Hon? Nobody is ever going to mistake our daughter for a boy." So far he has been right. When I was a physicist, wearing tiny little flowered dresses was a political act. But even when I was in an Einstein T-shirt and a flannel and a pair of baggy jeans, nobody was confused.

Comments

[gaaldine.livejournal.com]

What? No way! You're a girl?!

*sigh* You really need to start wearing more pink.

With little flowers and ruffles and bunnies.

'Specially Happy Bunnies. How about a pastel pink "cute but psycho./things even out"?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But I am not cute. And you wouldn't want me to lie on a T-shirt, would you? The T-shirt is the most sacred trust our society has!

[gaaldine.livejournal.com]

Not on a t-shirt, silly. A lacey, frilly, ruffly pink dress so people know you're a girl. They'll get confused otherwise. Honestly.

And you always did *aspire* to be cute, didn't you? I thought that was our agreed-upon goal: to be cute. I bet I could find people who would claim you're cute -- isn't that enough?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's right. We and Heathah. I forgot my life's purpose for a minute there.

Forgive me.

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

This guy is flapping his meat just to get a reaction.

I refuse to give it to him.

But I hope that his physician is one of the 30-40% out there that are females, and he spouts this off in front of her.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Flapping his meat. *giggle* I love you.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The person I most vividly remember helping to keep out of med school because he couldn't hack the math (ahhhh, the joys of physics TA work) was, in fact, male.

I've never had a male doctor. I guess twice for single-time visits in urgent care situations, but otherwise if I read the word "doctor" I have to remind myself that one doesn't always know that a doctor is female and one should wait for other cues to find out. ("Nurse," on the other hand, is totally gender-neutral in my head. I've had and known enough male nurses that it just works that way.)

[sculpin.livejournal.com]

As a friend of mine said after reading What Men Don't Like About Women, "I feel like I've just eaten a car."

[scalzi.livejournal.com]

The fellow who made the comment about women and Hard SF was pretty well dismantled and ridiculed in the Electrolite thread, so that's a positive.

Interestingly enough, I've had a discussion with Athena about perceptions people have about "boy things" and "girl things." The conversation goes something like this:

Me: So, honey, do you remember what it means when someone tells you that you can't do something because you're a girl?

Athena: It means they're a moron.

Me: That's right. And if someone tries to stop you from doing something because you're a girl, what do you do?

Athena: Break their spine.

Me: Good girl!

See? Easy.

[cadithial.livejournal.com]

nice icon :) that was a good read. I have nothing to say on this thread other than everyone should work at what they like / are good at. You may be good at something, but hate it. That makes life suck. Do something you like, you'll be happier and feel better. So what if you don't make quite as much.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Or in some cases, so what if you either do or do not shatter stereotypes about gender. Liking things because people of your sex "ought to" like them and disliking things because people of your sex "ought to" like them are equally silly.

[scalzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I hope it's always easy that way with Athena. (Heck, I'll go all the way and hope you always have an easy time raising Athena in every way, because hope is free, but I don't think raising kids works like that.) Some girls go through weird and hard-to-predict phases seemingly regardless of their parents' butt-kicking lessons.

In general, though, this is the sort of parenting that got my parents an SF writer with a nuke background, so you may want to start beating gender roles into Athena now to avoid such a fate.

When I first went to school, my grandfather the USMC drill instructor told me, "If anyone gives you trouble, Rissy, you just deck 'em." Then our school counselor, a gentle, white-haired lady, was discussing conflict with us and what would we do if someone was mean to us. My little hand shot up. My mom got a quavery and confused call from Mrs. Way later that day: "Mrs. Lingen, what does it mean to 'deck 'em'?"

[scalzi.livejournal.com]

"In general, though, this is the sort of parenting that got my parents an SF writer with a nuke background, so you may want to start beating gender roles into Athena now to avoid such a fate."

Heh. There are worse fates.

I'm not worried about impressing gender roles; she gets a lot of that already from other sources. I'm more interested in making sure she's thinking for herself. Get that in early, and you're set. The drawback is having a child that questions everythign pretty much automatically means raising her *won't* be easy, but I think the end result will be worth the interim aggravation.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

Hehehehe...friend of mine taught her daughter similarly, except that the thing she terrified the school counselors with (in first grade) was "Make them regret the day they were born."