"Everybody's wishing they could go to the South of France"

[mrissa]

The lussekatter dough was weirdly cold this year, colder than the whole wheat dough from Wednesday. I can still feel the chill in my hands, even though it's risen fine, avidly even.

And the blueberries--the blueberries are not the good blueberries, because we haven't been to that grocery store in ten months. The blueberries are the fine-I-guess-if-this-is-what-we-can get blueberries.

They're still here. They're still lussekatter. And oh, is it dark.

My tinydog has gotten old, this year. Her hearing has gone, and she's shakier on her feet. Sometimes when I'm cooking--and this happened while I was making the lussekatter--she follows me around the kitchen much more closely than she ever did before, staying at my heels when I go from fridge to counter to sink. I take more breaks to wash my hands, crouch down and snuggle the dog, wash my hands again. I pick her up and let her lean into my chest, and I tell her she's a good girl, I tell her I love her, in case she can still hear it through bone conduction. Or else just to get a chance to lean into each other. Because...what she mostly seems to need, these days, is the reassurance that yes, I am still here, we're still together.

We are. Hi. Happy Santa Lucia Day.

I am, you know. I am still here. We are still together, making lussekatter, even if you can't smell mine and I can't smell yours. Even if it feels like the world is taken apart in pieces. I'm still doing this thing, this piece of fragrant golden light. I was relieved, this week, to hear that a friend had gotten his panettone, because I know it's important to him, and this is not a year to skip important things. While the lussekatter dough was rising, Mark made himself childhood treats he's only made once in the last twenty years, because they just sounded comforting and nice.

I may be singing "Coldest Night of the Year" to myself as I knead, but I'm still singing. I'm still kneading. I won't say, "it can't get us," because of course it can, that's how viruses work. But so far it hasn't. We may be struggling, but we are still struggling. There's more dark to come yet--the darkest is yet to come--but there's light coming too. And we know that. We do. Even this year. Even now.

Happy Santa Lucia Day.

2019: https://marissalingen.com/blog/?p=2654

2018: https://marissalingen.com/blog/?p=2376

2017: https://marissalingen.com/blog/?p=1995

2016: https://marissalingen.com/blog/?p=1566

2015: https://marissalingen.com/blog/?p=1141

2014: https://marissalingen.com/blog/?p=659

2013: https://marissalingen.com/blog/?p=260

2012: https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/840172.html

2011: https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/796053.html

2010: https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/749157.html

2009: https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/686911.html

2008: https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/594595.html

2007: https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/2007/12/12/ and https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/502729.html

2006: https://mrissa.dreamwidth.org/380798.html — the post that started it all! Lots more about the process and my own personal lussekatt philosophy here!

Comments

[anne]

❤️

[themagdalen]

the nisse and tomte are chopping onions

[sartorias]

Hug that sweet dog. (I know whereof. We have one, too, dementia along with the other probs. But he still needs cuddles, and seeks us for same.)

Grab all the sweetness you can!

[affreca]

Thank you. After years of reading your Saint Lucia Day posts, I'm making buns for the first time. Within the last year, I've gotten over my fear of yeast. Also, I've been staring at the saffron I bought mumble years ago, realizing that hoarding it does no good. I lost both my old cats this year, so my baking pauses are to throw a crinkle toy for the kitten, as she loves fetch.

[mrissa]

Yeast is our friend and ally! Hurray!

(Also yes, saffron is not one of those things that improves with age, well done you for using it.)

Welcome to the new furry friend and a toast to the old.

[umadoshi]

Happy Santa Lucia Day to you. *hugs* *scritches to your beloved beastie*

I cherish these posts.

[mrissa]

Thank you.

[thistleingrey]

Happy Santa Lucia Day.

[ckd]

If seems like every year I say I needed to read this, and it's true.

It's just that this year I needed it so much more than ever.

[mrissa]

Yeah, well. Yeah. Me too.

[gwynnega]

A beautiful post.

[davidgoldfarb]

Hugs to your tinydog and you, if welcome.

[pameladean]

So much love and hope to you and yours.

I'm being thwarted in the acquisition of some ingredients for the vegan version of the lussekatter, but will deploy my main weapon, which is getting stuff delivered from The Wedge. If they don't have what I'm used to they will still have a good thing.

P.

[mrissa]

I am excited.

[athenais]

It has been dark, but having adopted the lussekatter tradition in my late-period Swedishness I find myself able to see that the dark will truly end. And what helps with that are these entries every year. Like an advent calendar, only there's just the one door to open. When it does, light spills out.