Not to be allowed near money

[mrissa]

I took timprov out for lunch today. I handed the waitbeing a credit card. It had my extremely femmey name on it. She brought it back and handed the slip to T. to sign.

Then I came home. The doorbell rang, so I went pattering down the stairs to answer it. It was the Schwann's man. "Hi, are your parents home?" He saw from the look on my face that this is the wrong question, so he amended it: "Or, y'know, the homeowners?" "I own this house," I said very quietly. He gulped. "I'm sorry! You look so young!"

ARRRRRRGH. Apparently I am not to be let near money, because I am too much of a wee little girl to handle it.

grumpgrumpgrousegrousegrump

I'm even dressed decently today, too, in one of the little black skirts I wore to Minicon and stockings and a green top and an elisem necklace. It's not like I had my hair in braids and was wearing a college T-shirt and a pair of soccer shorts, for heaven's sake. And I handed her the credit card. And she was a woman herself.

grumpGRUMPGRUMPGROUSEGRUMP

Comments

[lexiphanic.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling precisely. Conversely, I have been mistaken for my mother, which was just as displeasing. [sigh]

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm only mistaken for my mom on the phone, thank goodness. Well, and I've had to answer to her name my whole life, but some great-aunties will grab for the most recent girlchild name in memory, and if that comes up "Deb," they don't actually mean that they think I'm her, they just mean "young female person in my life."

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Looking young is a Very Good Thing. But yeah, I hear ya. It's a formula for disrespect.

(Um, weren't you just telling me the other day that you are mentally only 12??? *g*)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I don't actually believe it's a Very Good Thing. I think it's just a thing. I get very angry when people tell my mom she looks good for her age. She looks good. She is her age. The two are not particularly contingent upon each other.

[retrobabble.livejournal.com]

Some people just can't tell age.

And you might really, really like it when you get to my age. *cough* Just saying. *g*

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

I can't. It's terrible. I've just given up on guessing the folks at work; I don't if it's me or if it's that crowd (healthy, active, and silly), but I undershoot five years plus almost without fail.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

One of my most amusing Minicon moments was when I realized that Ctein had been assuming I was roughly his age instead of some decades younger. And Ctein is a photographer, so as dd_b pointed out, it's not like we can say "he's not a very visual person." Some people really just can't tell. And I think some people (my guess is that Ctein is one of them) have rough categories of "child, adult, and extremely old," and as I am clearly neither a child (CLEARLY) nor extremely old, I must be roughly his age, which is to say, adult.

But just now, at 26, many adults guessing I'm more than a year or two younger than I actually am are guessing that I will be boring and irresponsible by their standards. And that sucks much, much more than people thinking I'm older than I am.

As I said to raecarson, though, I don't think looking younger or older than one's age is a generally good or bad thing, just a thing.

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

A. If I hand them a card with my name on it, and they bring it back and hand it to my male companion, the tip automatically drops by 1/2.

B. We fired our last ISP for their extreme sexist piggydom. I'd call when they were having issues on their end, and they'd reach through the phone and pat me on the head and try to tech the issue from user side. I'd explain I used to work for an ISP and that I knew what the issue was, and they'd tell me I was wrong. Ryan would call five minutes later, same issue, and they'd jump to attention and "we'll get on that right away sir" him. Finally let them have it with both barrels and cancelled their service.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

A. It wasn't half the tip, but it wasn't the whole I'd have otherwise given her, either.

B. ISPs are the worst. I would tell them, "We can ping the gateway, but the packets are getting dropped beyond there." And they would say, "Have you power-cycled your computer?" And I would say, "Can you get me someone who knows that the phrase 'ping the gateway' means?" And they would say, "Do you have a dog?" BLERG.

[scottjames.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel better, I've handed the waitbeing a credit card before, and had it handed back to my fiancee for her to sign.

I haven't been asked if my parents are home in quite a long time, though. So perhaps any feeling-better I may have induced is gone now.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It only makes me feel a tiny bit better, because I've never had that happen to me, and I've had the "I hand you a credit card/you hand it to the guy I'm with" thing happen multiple times with at least four male people in the last year.

[lthomas987.livejournal.com]

My favorite is when people call my house and ask to speak to the man of the house. I summon the elder beagle and give him the phone.
Also.. I got asked 6 times if I was the home owner by a guy trying to sell me a windows. Apparently women can't own property either.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Does he bay on command, or merely slobber on the phone? That's fabulous.

[seagrit.livejournal.com]

One of the cashiers at Johnny's (on campus lunch place/grocery store) thought I was Jeff's daughter. She didn't say that to my face though, she asked if I was a student, then Jeff laughed and said I was his wife. She told Jeff later her "other" mistake.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I just can't see a way to make that work. I just can't see anybody thinking Jeff was over maybe 35, tops, and that would mean you'd have to be...well, 20, okay, if it was an extremely youthful mistake maybe.

Still, it seems like a pretty big stretch.

[merriehaskell.livejournal.com]

I'd let the Schwann's man off before the waitress. Mistaking youth is one thing. Sexism is another.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It was the "homeowners" component of the question that really got me: that he could see he was going wrong somewhere, but he couldn't evaluate how.

I really think that the appropriate question for the Schwann's person to ask someone who appears 14 or older is, "Are you someone who makes food purchasing decisions at this house?" It's a simple question, and it doesn't assume that naturally the [man|woman|parent|etc.] will make the decisions at any given house.

[dancingwriter.livejournal.com]

I growl on your behalf.

[jmeadows.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* When I worked as a waitress I often had people ask me if I was old enough to serve alcohol. "Um, yes, you only have to be 18. It's not like we're drinking it back there..." "Oh, I thought you were 16. And I would have said 14 but you have to be 16 to have a job..." "I'm 19." "Oh."

And when I was handed a credit card by either a man or a woman, I *always* put the bill thingie back on the table in the middle so either could grab it.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

Ugh. :P

Some people once told Sonya ALL about how I was cheating on her and going to the store and the movies and holding hands with some other girl!!!!! The saw me out with my Mom.

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

I aargh on your general behalf. These are things I haven't had to put up with; I very much doubt that I would put up with them with good grace. But then I don't think good grace is really appropriate; I just think that, while removing the person's head, you shouldn't get too much blood on any valuable carpets. I mean, unless there's really no alternative.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Usually restaurants have fairly industrial-grade carpets, and our front step is concrete, which is easily hosed down. So that part's all right.

[ladysea.livejournal.com]

When I had money stolen out of the mail, hubby mentioned it to the Post Master General's office at work.

So the guy called me.

me -- "Hello"
him --"Hi, is your mom home?
me -- "I imagine she is...but she lives in Arkansas."
him -- "uhhhhhh........."
him -- "Can I talk to Sonya?"
me -- "This is Sonya!"
him -- "uh oh...I was afraid of that."

He had to come out to the house. He was soooooooo embarassed. It was actually kinda amusing to some degree.

But I hate my 12-yr old chipmunk voice.

Oh...and last year I got carded going into a casino. At 28, I was mistaken for 18. My newfew I was with had JUST turned 21. I hugged the security person. I wrote that off to I was with people who look WAY older than they are.

But yeah...twice in one day...way uncool.

[pentacon.livejournal.com]

I have had the card thing happen both ways. On the other hand they always want to give me the change, not matter who I am with or who paid cash.

Speaking of the Minnicon Stockings, here is a picture of you that I took on Sunday at Minnicon.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Do I always look alarmed in pictures? Oof. But yes, stockings, those are some of my neat stockings and thank you!

(Umm. Did I meet you by name? You don't have to say what it is here on lj, I just wondered if I did.)

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

One of my favorites is when careswen and I go to a store, I pay the clerk with cash, the clerk hands the change to careswen, because obviously the guy with the white cane can't handle his own bloody change.

I can also remember one occasion where the server in a restaurant started to ask my wife for my order, because obviously I must be deaf and mute as well as blind!

At least when we went car shopping last fall it was readily apparent who was buying the car. The salesman at the Saturn dealership spoke directly to careswen, except to occasionally point out a featured of interest to the passenger, like adjustable seats and the passenger side airbag.

Just sometimes, people are just---ggrrr

M

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The blind advisor I've talked about from my summer research, John, was often effectively by himself when I was with him: that is, he was paying for everyone's drinks, and the rest of us were hanging back a bit. So the clerks would falter and say, "Ummmmmm...so...." He'd say, "In the future, you ask the blind man, 'How would you like your change?' What I would like is the coins first. Then the ones...." And then he described his folding system. Several clerks seemed surprised that he had a system at all.

So I think people just don't think through it very well. There were all kinds of things I didn't think of until I was around John a fair amount. But it doesn't excuse being polite and saying, "How would you like to handle this?" And it certainly doesn't excuse the waiter.

[palinade.livejournal.com]

I empathize with the being treated different because of youthful appearance syndrome.

[genevra.livejournal.com]

When my husband cut his foot open, the nurse at the emergency room thought I was his mom! It must have been the concerned look on my face and the inherent "he is hurt and I must make it better" aura I get, because I got carded for a lottery ticket 2 days later.

ER ways to read the body language

[aet.livejournal.com]

... must be same all over the world!

Even if in my case I lacked the proper motherly aura and so was asked :"Are you her sister?" when I took my daughter to ER.

... unless the doctor was commenting one the fact that my daughter has different family name and is of different race than I am? That would also be possible.

[(Anonymous)]

Been there. I've been at our home and been asked if my parents were home too. I laughed so much, but at the time also wondered how he could think that I was not the parent with a 3 year old running around in the background. One thing that David pointed out to me belatedly was that I could have said "No" and not had to deal with the salesperson at all, which has it's upsides. :)

I can't say that I notice if people hand the check to me or David when it gets paid. The truth is paying is one of those things I just don't like doing unless I want to treat a friend, so I usually don't pay attention and hand it to the right place. The waitress probably just wasn't paying attention and handed it to someone. I've had instances where they hand me the bill and I'm with a lot of other guys, but I'm the one who makes eye contact when they come to the table, so they come see me.

At any rate, I do think it's amusing that you also were asked the question about if your parents are at home. It could just be that you are in a situation like ours where the average neighbor is about 5-10 years older than you, and the sales people get thrown for a loop and aren't sure what age to expect, after all, I do have friends my age still living with their parents.

Heathah

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Our neighborhood is not very homogenous in age. I think we're the youngest homeowners on the circle, but not by much; but on the other hand there are people noticeably older than my folks living a few houses down, too.

Sadly, I don't think it's merely a matter of eye contact or random choice when it's one on one. I think when it's a group of lots of men and one woman, they might be more likely to hand it to the anomalous person or, as you said, the person who makes eye contact. But I make more eye contact and interact with waitbeings more than every guy I have regular meals out with except dd_b, and waitstaff will still assume that the male people are paying.