Haranguing the undeserving friendslist

[mrissa]

A combination of a song dichroic quoted in my last entry and yesterday's run-in with Hallmark has prompted me to ask: where are the sentiments of the mindful?

It's always, "Oh, I never knew how great it was at the time" and "I know I don't usually tell you how much you mean to me," but I really do enjoy great things at the time, and I'm constantly telling my loved ones how much they mean to me. And if I noticed I wasn't doing it, I would start, I wouldn't just pick up a card and call it good.

You have no excuse for not paying attention to these things, people! Love your loved ones! Enjoy the good bits of your life! That's what they're there for!

Comments

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

THANK you. I'm always saying this. I use all sorts of things though...silly cards, postcards, flowers...

You rock.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I use different things, too. Baked goods, for a non-trivial example.

[merriehaskell.livejournal.com]

Only slightly tangential story...

I was told by my freshman comp professor to just stop it with the literary essays and write something personal. (We got to choose what we wrote each week, but he wanted us to stretch.) I wrote about my first year of college thus far...

In the middle, I wrote something like, "Is there a word for the kind of nostalgia you feel when the moment hasn't even passed? Can you be nostalgic for the present?" (My prof liked those questions a lot.) But I think that's savoring the moment... much like, appreciating how good it is at the time.

In other words, I agree.

[pameladean]

There is! Hiraeth. It's Welsh. I got it from papersky.

P.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

Rickie Lee Jones had a good lyric:

You never know when you're making a memory
They will wish they was here together again, someday.

Anyhow, I have a friend who works for Hallmark - should I make a call?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid my list of requests to pass along to your friend would be too long.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

Well, if you can skim off the top 5, I'd be happy to pass them along.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

1. Men can like things other than golf and fishing. There are nice things to say about men besides that they are "strong."
2. Women can like things other than flowers. There are nice things to say about women besides that they are "sweet."
3. Total orderings are not romantic.
4. General family cards that do not specify relationship are an extremely good idea for people whose family includes such traditional roles as "dad's best friend's Marine Corps buddy."
5. Small, shiny, low-contrast print on elder cards (like "great-grandma"): bad, bad idea.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

I will pass them along - but before I do, would you please explain #3? Perhaps I am particularly thick this morning, but I don't understand what that means.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Not every romantic card has to say "You are the only one for me" or "you are the bestestestest person ever ever ever in the whole entire world" or (the really odious one to me) "you're the only one I love." I tend to snap, "That must upset your mother!" at the last.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

Aha. Yes, I've thought the same sort of thing. Early in our relationship, John once said he would do "anything" for me - my immediate, gut response was, "Don't say that." I thought it was hyperbole, which always makes my BS-meter redline (Cf. my many rants against placing people on pedestals).

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

And if it's not hyperbole, that's more worrying still. Yes. Just so. I don't say things to the people I love if I don't mean them.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

And if it's not hyperbole, that's more worrying still.

Exactly.

My ever-practical brain exploded with the possibilities of that statement and it made me freeze like a frightened bunny when he said it. John is old-fashioned in many ways. I think he believed it when he said it (not sure what he'd say to it now - he's reassuringly less romantic and more practical these days).

[jackiejj.livejournal.com]

I dread Mothers Day, because I don't think it's fair that my grown children have to suddenly cough up a present and a sappy card.

The other day Kate, my daughter who's living with me while getting her Masters and a teaching job, said "What do you want for Mother's Day?" and she hugged me.

"Paint the porch steps," I said, kidding.

"Okay," she said. Then, "You're a saint, know that?"

"Yes," I said, and we laughed, because it's SO not true.

(When I say, "Want to go to the library?" and she says, "I'd LOVE to," it's a present. I love going with her to movies. This entire surprise interlude in my life has been a gift.

When my son calls to tell me he's sending me a new science fiction book he's just finished, that's a present, too.

I have two small grandchildren now, and they call and say silly things: Nathaniel, two, wants to tell me Knock-Knock jokes.

He has red hair like my son.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

If you're not a material-present-y family, you're not, and I don't think anyone should push you to be. We are, so we regard holidays more along the lines of excuses than requirements.