not quite as expected

[mrissa]

This has not been quite the day we expected: as some of you now know, timprov's grandmother died in the night. His folks came down to have Green Mill (pizza) with us, and I think it was good for them to spend time together even though they didn't talk about her that much. markgritter and I know many -- most, I think -- of the Cooper relatives, but we didn't know T's grandma: she had not been fully "there" for some years now, with a condition that had some similarities to Alzheimer's and some differences. So it's not a "usual" death, and yet it seems to get more usual every year. If there's a disease that comes close to clinical depression in "M'ris would like to hit this disease with a stick until it gives" factor, it's senile dementia. Not that this is a total ordering. We all know about those. But in the PO-set of life, these are greater than or equal to.

In case the last sentence didn't make it clear, I am worn to a nubbin by a combination of factors (most of which have nothing to do with T's loss) and will be crashing in a moment. When I opened this entry, I expected to be able to talk about birthday present theory and maybe some more of the books that are important to me. I don't have that energy. This is not that. This is just: hi. I'm here. I'll be here again tomorrow. On we go.

timprov line of the night: "I don't know if they had any mystic significance. It's sometimes hard to tell with squirrels."

Comments

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You could actually see both T. and his father unwinding a bit to be sitting around in the library talking rather than having to Handle Things separately. It was good.

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

Condolences and hugs to the household. Love.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thanks, M.

[redbird]

I'm sorry.

That it's not exactly Alzheimer's may not have made much difference. My mother's husband has something that, again, isn't actually Alzheimer's, but has similar effects in that he's less and less present, and needs help with an increasing number of everyday things. As far as I can tell, the only difference it makes that it's not Alzheimer's is that the specialists know they can't do anything for him, but are glad to see him periodically because they might learn something. (Actually, it's also possible that the diagnosis is relevant to his children and grandchildren.)

And yes, I would like to hit senile dementia--and everything else that harms mental functioning--with that stick.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly: the effects are similar, but the family could derive no hope from the stuff they've been developing for Alzheimer's.

Mental functioning is such a weird and quirky thing. Up until recently, T's grandmother played Scrabble still. Didn't recognize family members -- could not remember where she'd been the day before or even the hour before -- but could put "GLYPH" on a triple-word-score. Intelligence is slippery. My great-uncle who had Alzheimer's was a very intelligent man, and there was a middle period before the Alzheimer's took him completely where you could watch him trying to cover. When I walked into the room, he would say things like, "I don't think I gave you permission to grow up!" Which was a perfectly normal thing for him to say and also made sure he didn't have to identify me as Marissa, his great-niece. To my mom, he would say, "You just get prettier every time I see you." If anyone mentioned the president, he'd say, "That silly bastard! I don't even want to talk about him!" And then sigh in put-upon frustration with the state of American politics. He did this across two or perhaps three presidential administrations, definitely across two parties, and it always made sure his guests didn't ask him to remember who the president was and what he was up to.

If they let me at senile dementia with a stick, I will make sure I save some for you.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I'm still not entirely sure about the differences between senile dementia and Alzheimer's; I believe the grandmother-in-law we spent time with last weekend has the former. In her case the memories are largely gone (though she called my husband by his uncle's/her son's name, so not entirely) but the personality is still there. She's been declining fairly rapidly in the alst couple of years, though, so no way to say how much longer that will be true. It does suck.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

With Alzheimer's, there are characteristic plaque structures in the brain, I believe, and those are absent with other forms of senile dementia. Anyone who knows otherwise is cordially invited to correct me or to elaborate.

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

In case the last sentence didn't make it clear, I am worn to a nubbin by a combination of factors (most of which have nothing to do with T's loss) and will be crashing in a moment. When I opened this entry, I expected to be able to talk about birthday present theory and maybe some more of the books that are important to me. I don't have that energy. This is not that. This is just: hi. I'm here. I'll be here again tomorrow. On we go.

I am glad you were here, and there will be plenty of space for the other, later.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[ckd]

Condolences to you and yours.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

More to mine than to me, as I didn't know Rose. But thank you.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

My condolences on her death, and I hope your stress and exhaustion gets better soon.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The exhaustion had some pretty specific causes we've been working on. I wouldn't call myself well-rested this morning, but it's definitely better, and has the prospects of getting better still. So that's good.

And thanks.

[talimena.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Take care.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[kythiaranos.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry life's difficult right now. My thoughts are with you.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

As I wrote in T's journal, condolences from our family to yours. If there is anything we can, if you need anything, let us know.

If you ever get a chance to whack on senile dementia with a stick, please count me in. I'll bring you a nice stick, firm yet supple, to do the job.

***
timprov's line of the night: "I don't know if they had any mystic significance. It's sometimes hard to tell with squirrels."

That would be a question for careswen, who is the keeper of all squirrelly knowledge, at least as much as a human can understand squirrels.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Well, the squirrrrrr in question is up at T's folks' house. So.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

ah, i'm so sorry to hear about this.

my grandfather developed a habit of ordering last at restaurants and deciding that whatever someone else had ordered was just the thing for him. we think that he might not have been able to read menus (don't know about other things) any more.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That could well be. I also have noticed that some (though not all) of my old people seem more overwhelmed by breadth of choices than they used to be.

[timprov.livejournal.com]

I was fonder of the "Maybe the albino squirrel bred, and you have a half-albino squirrel" line.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That was good, too, yes.