Belief

[mrissa]

Dear Editors:

I appreciate your willingness to serve as my own personal cheerleading squad, but your conviction that I will find a home for the story I just sent you is much more, er, convincing when it comes with a contract.

Most sincerely,
M

(Seriously, I would almost relish a rejection letter that said, "I have no idea who would buy a piece of crap like this," just because it would make a change from all this "I'm sure someone else will buy it" stuff.)

At least this makes sense to me, though: they can believe in a story because they've read it. Generally, I seem to inspire people's belief for no particular reason. I don't understand it. Apparently I exude...um...something. But what? I don't know. People who barely know me tend to become very sure that I'm going to do quite well, and I'm grateful to them. I'm just confused.

Comments

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

I sometimes translate those rejections as, "This sucked so much less than most of what we see in the slush pile, so I want to give you a warm fuzzy for it, even though it's still too crappy for me to buy."

[pariyal.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that's a good one! I'll remember it for my next rejection.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know how to translate it. But it's extremely frustrating marketing fantasy novelettes, so when someone says, "I'm sure you'll have no trouble placing this elsewhere," I think, "Well, that makes one of us."

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

Oh - ouch. Yeah, in that case, it might better translate to complete cluelessness about the market situation for novelettes. Good luck!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm not entirely devoid of hope, but I'm also finishing up yet another fantasy novelette, so it's particularly frustrating.

[davidbain.livejournal.com]

Alas, we regret to inform you that while we absolutely love your story we are not going to publish it because it sucks and it does not suit our current needs though we wish you luck pawning this piece of (*&(^% off on some other unlucky schmuck. Please do not hate us. We just work here and edit this magazine and we really did love the story.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

PS Please do not send it to XYZQ Magazine, as the editor there is our cousin, and we would have to make her sit through the monstrosity we just read.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

I think it's all in how you read the best wishes on a new home part of the email. You need to look for the hidden sarcasm. Depending on how you read "Good luck selling this piece elsewhere," the meaning changes dramatically from "best wishes" to "yeah, right, like anyone else will buy this."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I suppose I could inject sarcasm into, "I'm sure you'll have no trouble placing this elsewhere." Really I don't mind, "Good luck placing this elsewhere." It seems like something that's reasonably within their control: they can indeed wish me luck. Expressing a certainty that someone else will snap up what they have declined, however, is much less convincing.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

It's like the writer version of "Why can't I find a guy/girl like you?" from your secret crush.

I really hated my first one.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Crush? Rejection letter? First what?

If you whack them over the head and drag them back to your lair (or their lair; whichever lair is most convenient, really, as the head-whacking is the crucial bit), they have a considerably easy time finding you. The Wisdom of the Ages From M'ris, free of charge.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

I meant my first rejection letter.

I also hated it the first time a girl I liked told me, "why can't I find a nice guy like you? But not you."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Gosh, why? It's so charming.

[wshaffer.livejournal.com]

Somebody should really do an anthology called But Not For Us, or something like that, where only stories that had gotten at least one "I'm not buying this, but I'm sure someone else will," type of rejection letter would be eligible.

[palinade.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it's along the same lines as, "I liked it but not quite enough to buy it. Please continue to send more" with the hidden message that the editor thinks you have talent and need to be mildly encouraged. Not that you need any encouragement, but after awhile, I can definitely understand the feeling of hamster-wheelitist.

[madwriter.livejournal.com]

My latest: "Your story was very well received, but we didn't think it was as strong as some of the other submissions."

Ever see the old ad with the picture of the 90-pound weakling getting sand kicked in his face by the muscle man? My story must be the 90-pound weakling, and the story that stomped it is the muscle man.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I do need encouragement. But I need the, y'know, concrete kind.

[greykev.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the people you meet are picking up on the competence that you exude? (It's difficult to believe you'd do a shoddy/half-assed job of something.) So that, logically, anthing as labor/time/soul-intensive as writing a book would have to turn out well when done by you?

Still, it doesn't help with the editorial fanclub. ::hugs::

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It's difficult to believe you'd do a shoddy/half-assed job of something.

Come on, Kev, you've seen our yard! The bits that are fully-assed are fully markgritter's ass, not mine.

Still, I suppose I see what you mean; I do tend to do a lot of headlong flinging of the M'ris.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

your conviction that I will find a home for the story I just sent you is much more, er, convincing when it comes with a contract

I can only assume the implication is that the editor will be jumping ship soon and will make buying your story their first item of business in their new job. That *must* be it.

Generally, I seem to inspire people's belief for no particular reason. I don't understand it. Apparently I exude...um...something. But what?

"Rrrrrraaaaaaahhhhh"-ness?

[greykev.livejournal.com]

::snickers loudly:: Mris? "Rrahh" at people? I don't believe it.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Ask the RooRobin. "What does Auntie Mrissa say?" And he will grin and go, "RRRRAHHHH!"

Most likely. Sometimes he gets into a contemplative mood rather than a silly one.