Three is all I ask.

[mrissa]

I'm going to take a bit of memeage too seriously here and pick on someone from my friendslist. She posted her entry behind friendslock, so I won't say who it is. But the meme was the "three things" meme. Three names you go by, three this, three that. And when she got to, "Three physical things you like about yourself," she listed the same thing thrice. I told her she was cheating and needed two more, and she said that the one was all there was.

Ummm. Let me say here that I know that many of you have had health problems lately and have had various parts of your bodies not playing nice with the rest of your bodies. I don't mean to belittle any of those problems, or to act as though you should always feel positive about your bodies or that you should sometimes feel positive about every aspect of your bodies or anything silly like that. I do not ask you to write cheerful paeans to your left ventricles.

However. Three things. It did not say three ways in which you are the hottest thing in your particular zip code. Hotness, in fact, was not specified at all. And I don't think three things is too many, once you've started that meme in the first place. Try this one: "my arms give good hugs." Or this: "my mousing hand gets me the hell away from memes that make me uncomfortable."

I think we should all be able to list three attractive things about ourselves, and I think we should all be able to list three positive things about our bodies. I don't require that they should be the same things, but they can be. Admit them to yourselves. Find them if it's not a matter of admission. Think hard if you have to. It is okay to see yourself as pretty. It is okay to see yourself as sexy. It is okay not to. There are other positive things bodies can be, strong or dextrous or flexible or capable, talented in more directions than I have time to list.

I don't like to see my friends dismiss and belittle themselves. It was immeasurably good for me when people did not sit still and let me do it, and I will not let you. Several years back, I had one former friend badger me nearly into tears about self-description, trying to get at the most positive adjective I would let her use about me without demur. She got down to "okay" before I sat back, blinked at her, and thought, "This is ridiculous." It was. Don't make someone do it to you.

Maybe it's all newage nonsense, embracing the body you've got and all that. But I think it's also nonsense to act like it's all right to dismiss our bodies entirely, to act like the "real us" is just a brain, like the body has no valid needs of its own, or like the body's needs don't intersect with the brain's. So I think I can afford to be a little squishy on this one, just for balance.

You don't have to share with the class, but it's okay to look off the other kids' papers. I was nice to myself last weekend by asking how I'd react if a certain one of you said the same things about herself on lj. You can do that here: you can see that someone else likes their hands for their skill at music and remember that you, too, have played or sang some pretty cool stuff. You can see that someone else has pretty eyes or great boobs and think, "Hey, mine, too!" It is okay. Nobody will come by and decide that you're a horrible braggart if you look in the mirror and think, "I totally rock these jeans"; nobody will smite you for vanity if you really appreciate having strong shoulders for your loved ones to lean their heads on. I'm really serious about this. It's important to me. Three things. Do it in your head, do it in my comments section or my inbox, do it with your best friend or partner or sibling or whoever. But do it. This is the body you got, and there are at least three things to like about it. I promise.

Comments

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

Anybody tell you lately that you're a smart lady?

I like my eyes, my smile, and my tiny plump little hands.

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'll bite. I like my legs; many years of soccer have left them firm and shapely. I like my eyes, and I'm not the only one. Three, though...hmm. I like my hair! Hah! I scratched my head to think, and found my hair, and it reminded me! :)

[persephoneplace.livejournal.com]

(i'm lovecraftienne's partner)

i wanna play! i love my breasts. they feel good for sex and for comfort. i love my...hair. it's short, and shouts to the world who i am and who i love. um...i love...my arms. for hugging, and holding my flute, and embracing the world with joy and love.

thank you, that was fun.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I will put that on the good things list: 1. Crunchy M'ris Brain.

I think of my hands as much bigger than they are, because my piano teacher had tiny plump little hands, and because I was like a puppy: my hands grew first. I loved my piano teacher's hands. They were much browner than mine, and she wore big pointy rings, and she always seemed to know what to do with them. (I'll bet she wouldn't have listed them, though, because they were too small for a serious pianist. It's okay, though, because I loved them.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

See? It's tricksy, this body thing. You can't get away from it.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it was fun. It isn't always, but it should be.

[ellarien]

I have naturally wavy hair, with only a little grey.

My body does what I need it to do, without recourse to prescription medications.

Thanks to some happy combination of genes and upbringing, I can eat as much as I like and not put on weight -- it probably helps that 'as much as I like' isn't a huge amount.

And yes, I do have some idea how well-blessed I am in the last two.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

That post rocks.

I love the color of my eyes. I love my brain. And...er...can I say I love my breasts?

[nihilistic-kid.livejournal.com]

Does buttcheeks count as one or two?

[zalena.livejournal.com]

I have beautiful eyes, but it's more the way I look through them than their color.
I also like my breasts, they're beautiful even if they make shopping difficult.
I like my nose. It's large, but distinctive.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Okay, this is a worthy cause, tricky as it is (I'm more used to thinking of myself in terms of mind than body). I'll play. *g*

I like that my body is persistent and strong. I can push it to serious feats of stamina: pull all-nighters, walk across the city (literally), work a seven-hour shift in a thirty-five degree kitchen and still come out swinging. I can lift hundred-pound stage pieces. I can reach high things and carry heavy things. My body aches and gets tired almost constantly, but it rarely breaks down.

I like that my body is sensitive. I like being able to feel a fingertip run down my spine. Even though it means I'm a wuss for pain, it means I (apparently) have a higher dunno...receptiveness(?) for pleasure and touch, which is a pretty fair tradeoff. This means simple things will make me happy: footrubs, playing with my hair, a hand on my back. I like that I can derive casual happiness from my body that way.

I like that my body doesn't reject anything as an allergen. I can taste and smell and touch and hold anything I want to. My body does not place limits on my experiences.

That was hard, but worthwhile, I think. Thanks. :)

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I have never been less happy with my body than I am right now, but it's for health reasons rather than self-esteem ones. I'm usually much more interested in function than form, but since the function isn't that great now, this is the current list:

1. I like my figure: the entire silhouette, nude or clothed, from neck to feet. True, I'm not thrilled with the belly, but since I like the entire rest of it, hips and breasts and waist and so forth, and it's not like the recent lack of exercise and consequent weight gain ruins the entire effect, I can honestly say that I like my figure.

2. In particular, I like my butt. True, I don't get to see it that often, but if I wear tight jeans and turn in front of the mirror, I can see that it's a very nice butt. But I am not going to write an entire memoir about my butt a la Toni Bentley.

3. I like my naturally curly hair, except when it gets in my eyes.

[matastas.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm tore up (in the imbibing-alcohol sense). What the hell.

I like my smile. I have that lop-sided, dimpled grin that seems to be charming/cute when it's appropriate and mischevious as hell when it's not.

I like my eyes. Ze Eyes, they are puppy-dog brown and adorable as hell (according to The Ladies). They crinkle when I grin and they look cuter in contacts than glasses. My eyes are quite expressive.

I like my legs. Biking was a wonderful sport for them, and since I like nasty hills when doing ordinary cardio, they tend to benefit. In general, I like my figure, but my legs seem to react better to exercise than any other part.

[aet.livejournal.com]

"But I think it's also nonsense to act like it's all right to dismiss our bodies entirely, to act like the "real us" is just a brain, like the body has no valid needs of its own, or like the body's needs don't intersect with the brain's."

But brain is a part of our body, too! And, for me, the brain is the worst offender right now - I am both functional enough and presentable enough for my age (being 40 means I have try a lot harder to keep myself going, but that is a normal part of aging and denial about that would not help me in any way. Planning to overcome the additional hardships is the way to go), but somehow my brain refuses to accept it and my life is falling apart around me as I spend more and more time hating myself ...

[pariyal.livejournal.com]

I like my eyes: hazel that changes colour brown/grey/green/yellow according to mood and light; they're my father's, and my father's mother's, and two of my three daughters have them too-- changed abruptly from dark grey at about eighteen months when I'd already given up on perpetuating the colour.

I like my voice: it's strong and serviceable and flexible and I can praise the Lord with it.

I like my hands: they look about ten years younger and a lot more masculine than the rest of me. Good shape, too.

[talimena.livejournal.com]

You put that wonderfully.

I like that my body is strong. I like my hair. I like my hands.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Go ahead, say it. We won't mind!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But I am not going to write an entire memoir about my butt a la Toni Bentley.

Thank you. I firmly believe you have better things to write than that. (Toni Bentley, I'm not so sure.)

Re: this is a damned good idea

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly: "people will think I'm vain" if I come up with just three things means it is a good time to do this, even just in your head.

I wonder if you have eyes like my friend Amber's. Hers are brown-green-bronze-yellow, and I suspect her of being part-dragon back in the mists of time.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I have that lop-sided, dimpled grin that seems to be charming/cute when it's appropriate and mischevious as hell when it's not.

I think separating out the mischievous as hell and the charming/cute is a mistake for you here, dude. I'm Just Sayin'.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, of course the brain is part of our body. But I think few of us consider, "I do math well" as a physical thing.

This is not about what's the worst offender, Aet. This is about what's good. If you can't put "1. Happy brain chemistry" first on your list, put something else first, and move on to second.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

I like my arms: they're longer than average, but slender (still) and strong, and there's a strange and amusing line on the inside of the upper arm where I abruptly change color, that curves around to the side of my breasts, as if the fabric were irregular and they decided to put the seam on the inside.

I like my voice: it's weird and furry and metallic and deep.

I like my eyes, which are dark dark brown, with white whites, and black lashes.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

Another of my friendslist correspondents did this earlier this week! Something must be in the air.

Maybe it's all newage nonsense, embracing the body you've got and all that. But I think it's also nonsense to act like it's all right to dismiss our bodies entirely, to act like the "real us" is just a brain, like the body has no valid needs of its own, or like the body's needs don't intersect with the brain's. So I think I can afford to be a little squishy on this one, just for balance.
Hear, hear! This concept (mind/body duality) came up during taijiquan class one day. One of my teachers (I don't remember if it was David (taiji) or Terry (white crane) said something like, "Bah, there's no duality. Let's see your mind take a dump."

I have broad, strong shoulders.
My hands are graceful despite the times when I can't put that grace to much use.
The last time I went to the optometrist he said my eyesight had worsened so that I was only qualified to be a jet fighter pilot. :)

[kythiaranos.livejournal.com]

This is a great idea . . . why are the good things about our bodies so hard to contemplate? *Is* it just the vanity thing? Or superstition? Or something else?

Okay, three things I like about my body: (1) I like my eyes. I love being able to see the beauty in the world. I am grateful to be able to use them to read. (Where would I be without books? What would I think about all day?) (2) I like my hair. This is pure vanity. It's a good color, red but not too red, and it has a little curl in it. (3) I like my lips. I love giving my baby kisses on his soft little feet, and I enjoy kissing my hubby, too. All good stuff.

Thanks for reminding me about some of the good that comes of having a body.

[aet.livejournal.com]

Heh, you hit the thing ONLY someone who has not had trouble with math would say that. You bet I would list "I do math well" if miraculously that would be right all of sudden! I would list it in first place.

As it is, I would list "I can communicate in English" first ... but lately it seems to me that I am always telling a wrong thing, that, for example, you consider my communication skills below the par and I keep telling the wrong thing all the time.

But, lets assume I am wrong, so the good things would be:

I can communicate in English. I send postcards to people. I can feel joy of observation .

I think those are beautiful things about me.