Three is all I ask.

[mrissa]

I'm going to take a bit of memeage too seriously here and pick on someone from my friendslist. She posted her entry behind friendslock, so I won't say who it is. But the meme was the "three things" meme. Three names you go by, three this, three that. And when she got to, "Three physical things you like about yourself," she listed the same thing thrice. I told her she was cheating and needed two more, and she said that the one was all there was.

Ummm. Let me say here that I know that many of you have had health problems lately and have had various parts of your bodies not playing nice with the rest of your bodies. I don't mean to belittle any of those problems, or to act as though you should always feel positive about your bodies or that you should sometimes feel positive about every aspect of your bodies or anything silly like that. I do not ask you to write cheerful paeans to your left ventricles.

However. Three things. It did not say three ways in which you are the hottest thing in your particular zip code. Hotness, in fact, was not specified at all. And I don't think three things is too many, once you've started that meme in the first place. Try this one: "my arms give good hugs." Or this: "my mousing hand gets me the hell away from memes that make me uncomfortable."

I think we should all be able to list three attractive things about ourselves, and I think we should all be able to list three positive things about our bodies. I don't require that they should be the same things, but they can be. Admit them to yourselves. Find them if it's not a matter of admission. Think hard if you have to. It is okay to see yourself as pretty. It is okay to see yourself as sexy. It is okay not to. There are other positive things bodies can be, strong or dextrous or flexible or capable, talented in more directions than I have time to list.

I don't like to see my friends dismiss and belittle themselves. It was immeasurably good for me when people did not sit still and let me do it, and I will not let you. Several years back, I had one former friend badger me nearly into tears about self-description, trying to get at the most positive adjective I would let her use about me without demur. She got down to "okay" before I sat back, blinked at her, and thought, "This is ridiculous." It was. Don't make someone do it to you.

Maybe it's all newage nonsense, embracing the body you've got and all that. But I think it's also nonsense to act like it's all right to dismiss our bodies entirely, to act like the "real us" is just a brain, like the body has no valid needs of its own, or like the body's needs don't intersect with the brain's. So I think I can afford to be a little squishy on this one, just for balance.

You don't have to share with the class, but it's okay to look off the other kids' papers. I was nice to myself last weekend by asking how I'd react if a certain one of you said the same things about herself on lj. You can do that here: you can see that someone else likes their hands for their skill at music and remember that you, too, have played or sang some pretty cool stuff. You can see that someone else has pretty eyes or great boobs and think, "Hey, mine, too!" It is okay. Nobody will come by and decide that you're a horrible braggart if you look in the mirror and think, "I totally rock these jeans"; nobody will smite you for vanity if you really appreciate having strong shoulders for your loved ones to lean their heads on. I'm really serious about this. It's important to me. Three things. Do it in your head, do it in my comments section or my inbox, do it with your best friend or partner or sibling or whoever. But do it. This is the body you got, and there are at least three things to like about it. I promise.

Comments

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

Anybody tell you lately that you're a smart lady?

I like my eyes, my smile, and my tiny plump little hands.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I will put that on the good things list: 1. Crunchy M'ris Brain.

I think of my hands as much bigger than they are, because my piano teacher had tiny plump little hands, and because I was like a puppy: my hands grew first. I loved my piano teacher's hands. They were much browner than mine, and she wore big pointy rings, and she always seemed to know what to do with them. (I'll bet she wouldn't have listed them, though, because they were too small for a serious pianist. It's okay, though, because I loved them.)

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'll bite. I like my legs; many years of soccer have left them firm and shapely. I like my eyes, and I'm not the only one. Three, though...hmm. I like my hair! Hah! I scratched my head to think, and found my hair, and it reminded me! :)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

See? It's tricksy, this body thing. You can't get away from it.

[persephoneplace.livejournal.com]

(i'm lovecraftienne's partner)

i wanna play! i love my breasts. they feel good for sex and for comfort. i love my...hair. it's short, and shouts to the world who i am and who i love. um...i love...my arms. for hugging, and holding my flute, and embracing the world with joy and love.

thank you, that was fun.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it was fun. It isn't always, but it should be.

[ellarien]

I have naturally wavy hair, with only a little grey.

My body does what I need it to do, without recourse to prescription medications.

Thanks to some happy combination of genes and upbringing, I can eat as much as I like and not put on weight -- it probably helps that 'as much as I like' isn't a huge amount.

And yes, I do have some idea how well-blessed I am in the last two.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

That post rocks.

I love the color of my eyes. I love my brain. And...er...can I say I love my breasts?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Go ahead, say it. We won't mind!

[nihilistic-kid.livejournal.com]

Does buttcheeks count as one or two?

[zalena.livejournal.com]

I have beautiful eyes, but it's more the way I look through them than their color.
I also like my breasts, they're beautiful even if they make shopping difficult.
I like my nose. It's large, but distinctive.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Okay, this is a worthy cause, tricky as it is (I'm more used to thinking of myself in terms of mind than body). I'll play. *g*

I like that my body is persistent and strong. I can push it to serious feats of stamina: pull all-nighters, walk across the city (literally), work a seven-hour shift in a thirty-five degree kitchen and still come out swinging. I can lift hundred-pound stage pieces. I can reach high things and carry heavy things. My body aches and gets tired almost constantly, but it rarely breaks down.

I like that my body is sensitive. I like being able to feel a fingertip run down my spine. Even though it means I'm a wuss for pain, it means I (apparently) have a higher dunno...receptiveness(?) for pleasure and touch, which is a pretty fair tradeoff. This means simple things will make me happy: footrubs, playing with my hair, a hand on my back. I like that I can derive casual happiness from my body that way.

I like that my body doesn't reject anything as an allergen. I can taste and smell and touch and hold anything I want to. My body does not place limits on my experiences.

That was hard, but worthwhile, I think. Thanks. :)

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I have never been less happy with my body than I am right now, but it's for health reasons rather than self-esteem ones. I'm usually much more interested in function than form, but since the function isn't that great now, this is the current list:

1. I like my figure: the entire silhouette, nude or clothed, from neck to feet. True, I'm not thrilled with the belly, but since I like the entire rest of it, hips and breasts and waist and so forth, and it's not like the recent lack of exercise and consequent weight gain ruins the entire effect, I can honestly say that I like my figure.

2. In particular, I like my butt. True, I don't get to see it that often, but if I wear tight jeans and turn in front of the mirror, I can see that it's a very nice butt. But I am not going to write an entire memoir about my butt a la Toni Bentley.

3. I like my naturally curly hair, except when it gets in my eyes.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But I am not going to write an entire memoir about my butt a la Toni Bentley.

Thank you. I firmly believe you have better things to write than that. (Toni Bentley, I'm not so sure.)

Re: this is a damned good idea

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly: "people will think I'm vain" if I come up with just three things means it is a good time to do this, even just in your head.

I wonder if you have eyes like my friend Amber's. Hers are brown-green-bronze-yellow, and I suspect her of being part-dragon back in the mists of time.

[matastas.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm tore up (in the imbibing-alcohol sense). What the hell.

I like my smile. I have that lop-sided, dimpled grin that seems to be charming/cute when it's appropriate and mischevious as hell when it's not.

I like my eyes. Ze Eyes, they are puppy-dog brown and adorable as hell (according to The Ladies). They crinkle when I grin and they look cuter in contacts than glasses. My eyes are quite expressive.

I like my legs. Biking was a wonderful sport for them, and since I like nasty hills when doing ordinary cardio, they tend to benefit. In general, I like my figure, but my legs seem to react better to exercise than any other part.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I have that lop-sided, dimpled grin that seems to be charming/cute when it's appropriate and mischevious as hell when it's not.

I think separating out the mischievous as hell and the charming/cute is a mistake for you here, dude. I'm Just Sayin'.

[aet.livejournal.com]

"But I think it's also nonsense to act like it's all right to dismiss our bodies entirely, to act like the "real us" is just a brain, like the body has no valid needs of its own, or like the body's needs don't intersect with the brain's."

But brain is a part of our body, too! And, for me, the brain is the worst offender right now - I am both functional enough and presentable enough for my age (being 40 means I have try a lot harder to keep myself going, but that is a normal part of aging and denial about that would not help me in any way. Planning to overcome the additional hardships is the way to go), but somehow my brain refuses to accept it and my life is falling apart around me as I spend more and more time hating myself ...

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, of course the brain is part of our body. But I think few of us consider, "I do math well" as a physical thing.

This is not about what's the worst offender, Aet. This is about what's good. If you can't put "1. Happy brain chemistry" first on your list, put something else first, and move on to second.

[pariyal.livejournal.com]

I like my eyes: hazel that changes colour brown/grey/green/yellow according to mood and light; they're my father's, and my father's mother's, and two of my three daughters have them too-- changed abruptly from dark grey at about eighteen months when I'd already given up on perpetuating the colour.

I like my voice: it's strong and serviceable and flexible and I can praise the Lord with it.

I like my hands: they look about ten years younger and a lot more masculine than the rest of me. Good shape, too.

[talimena.livejournal.com]

You put that wonderfully.

I like that my body is strong. I like my hair. I like my hands.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

I like my arms: they're longer than average, but slender (still) and strong, and there's a strange and amusing line on the inside of the upper arm where I abruptly change color, that curves around to the side of my breasts, as if the fabric were irregular and they decided to put the seam on the inside.

I like my voice: it's weird and furry and metallic and deep.

I like my eyes, which are dark dark brown, with white whites, and black lashes.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

Another of my friendslist correspondents did this earlier this week! Something must be in the air.

Maybe it's all newage nonsense, embracing the body you've got and all that. But I think it's also nonsense to act like it's all right to dismiss our bodies entirely, to act like the "real us" is just a brain, like the body has no valid needs of its own, or like the body's needs don't intersect with the brain's. So I think I can afford to be a little squishy on this one, just for balance.
Hear, hear! This concept (mind/body duality) came up during taijiquan class one day. One of my teachers (I don't remember if it was David (taiji) or Terry (white crane) said something like, "Bah, there's no duality. Let's see your mind take a dump."

I have broad, strong shoulders.
My hands are graceful despite the times when I can't put that grace to much use.
The last time I went to the optometrist he said my eyesight had worsened so that I was only qualified to be a jet fighter pilot. :)

[kythiaranos.livejournal.com]

This is a great idea . . . why are the good things about our bodies so hard to contemplate? *Is* it just the vanity thing? Or superstition? Or something else?

Okay, three things I like about my body: (1) I like my eyes. I love being able to see the beauty in the world. I am grateful to be able to use them to read. (Where would I be without books? What would I think about all day?) (2) I like my hair. This is pure vanity. It's a good color, red but not too red, and it has a little curl in it. (3) I like my lips. I love giving my baby kisses on his soft little feet, and I enjoy kissing my hubby, too. All good stuff.

Thanks for reminding me about some of the good that comes of having a body.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Baby feet, eeee!

I enjoy soft baby feet unreasonably much, I think. They're right up there with the smell of clean baby head.

[mechaieh.livejournal.com]

I've had better months (I'm off alcohol and sweet tea until this latest !@#%#@ yeast infection scrams), but I do have great legs, thick hair and sensitive fingers.

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

You know I'm on the outs with Certain Body Parts right now. But I have no trouble finding three positive things to say!

I like my whole body, because it's strong and it can carry me through hard times.

I have cute feet.

I like my hands, which are good for correcting math, comforting daughters, typing long posts, turning pages on books.

I could go on...

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

And speaking of your outs, I have just finished putting the stamps on a small package for you. You know what type of item is in it. Expect it soon.

[ktempest.livejournal.com]

Sadly, the only thing I like about my body and appearance both is my hair. My hair is happy hair. After many years we've come to love each other. I have no other positive things to say about my body, which is quite sad. Especially considering that I'm probably just destroying my body from the inside by not being positive about it.

I will try. Lesse.... my colon is in great working order, as far as I know, and hasn't given me any trouble. Spleen, you are quiet and unobtrusive and you haven't burst. yay for you, we are friends.

:)

All comments about my outward appearance usually get shot down by the self-esteem killing devils that live in my skin. they have very precise surface-to-compliment missiles. I never feel good about how I look. I wonder if this would actually change if I had plastic surgery or something. Probably not - which makes it even more annoying.

[superplin.livejournal.com]

I am very bad about this and am consciously working on getting over it these days, so it's good timing for me.

1. I have beautiful skin. It's beginning to show the signs of age, because some things are inevitable, but for the most part it is unmarred and soft and smooth and glowy. I rarely have to worry about my skin, never have, and I realize that is a huge gift.

2. Another enormous gift is the lack of allergies. I'm not (so far) allergic to any foods, plants, animals, or substances. As someone else mentioned, this means that no experiences are closed off to me a priori because of feared physical reactions.

3. I have nice hands. The fingers are long and slender, they are strong when they need to be and soft when that's best, and I'm told they give a good massage.

It's good to have to focus on the positive occasionally. Fear of vanity is such a strange thing, especially when on the other hand we're constantly encouraged to promote ourselves. We live in a culture of paradox.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

I like my hair, which has lots of different colours in, which are starting to some out now as it gets summer-sunny. And my hands, which are long and spidery and good for giving backrubs or holding small children - a spread handspan of mine goes from shoulder to hip on an average-sized eighteen-month-old, and two of those seem to make said child feel very secure. Don't like my eyes much, for the two different ways in which they're off-spec... is liking my hearing something I can get in ? I have good hearing.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes, of course you can like your hearing. If I can like my sense of smell (and I do, despite its drawbacks), you can like your hearing.

My hair has different colors in, too, but mostly they're all brown. But some of them are nice browns, so it's all right.

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

What a good idea! It is so much easier to focus on the things that we want to change; they can acquire an undue significance.

When I stop to think about it there are really a lot of things I like about my body - particularly because I couldn't do anything without it! I like how gracefully it can move, how clever my fingers are, how versatile my voice is, how perceptive my eyes and ears are; I like my smooth skin and strong teeth and bones, and the heart that keeps up a good steady beat however confused my head might get.

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

(And, of course, I'm very fond of all those personal bits I was taught not to mention in company!)

[dancingwriter.livejournal.com]

Making my list in my head, but out loud I just want to say that this is a great post and to tell you how glad I am to have found your LJ.

And "I do not ask you to write cheerful paeans to your left ventricles" cracked me up!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

This is hard; I got to one, then was stuck, stuck stuck.

1. I love my big wide blue eyes.
2. I like my long slim hands.
3. I move gracefully.