Food and making do

[mrissa]

One of the things I've noticed about being so tired all the time is that I've lost track of the fridge. In my usual state, I know what's in the fridge: what needs using quick before it goes south, what's around to serve as lunches, what's coming up fresh soon and what's at the end of its season. Right now, I'm pretty lost. We ran out of cucumber, mushrooms, peppers, tomatoes, and strawberries at dinner today. We're in need of a dozen more things. I've written them on the grocery list, but I didn't know in advance -- I had to see what we had to put on the table and go from there. I haven't been to the farmstand by the bagel place. I haven't been to a farmer's market. Sometimes I have to scramble.

I love cooking big complicated meals, and I love cooking with fresh fruits and vegetables, but for me this is a hobby. It's extra. I've read some things about the slow food movement, and my anti-movementarian biases come out pretty strongly: it's good to cook healthy, fresh foods for my family (and, when possible, friends), but I get skittish at the idea of making it a movement. (I don't think this is because I'm too young to know what a movement is.) Especially when "fresh and healthy" is not always all that well correlated with "slow." I see the anti-"fast food" parallelism, but I don't really agree with it. Taking a lot of time to cook can pay off, but some of the best things are fast and easy, too. It's just not that simple a dichotomy.

Add that to the life mantras list, right under "total orderings suck."

markgritter grilled steaks and chicken tonight. I threw fruit and veggies on the table and made lemon masala mushrooms. I suppressed a dozen ideas for things I could do if only I ran to the store and picked up this and julienned that and spent another hour in the kitchen, but I think we were all glad that I didn't. I took a nap this afternoon. Ista went in her crate so that I could lie down on the couch unmolested, so that we could all do grown-up stuff. And she was fine -- she had a nice walk in the evening and people to play with her and so on, and she did not suffer by having her nap in her crate instead of in the household location of her choice. She needs a bit more practice at being alone, and I need a bit more sleep, apparently, or I wouldn't have been able to nap. Generally I can't.

I don't know that there's a coherent message here, except that I'm dealing with some more limitations than usual, either temporarily or permanently. We don't know yet. We hope to get feedback on it soon. It was not a good day to be a Mrissa in some regards, but in others it was a quite fine one. I think drinking more water again and not trying to drag myself into optimism will be good things to add to the list. Sometimes I'm allowed not to be the optimist for awhile, and it's not the same as wallowing in pessimism. Sometimes I'm allowed to have a sucky time and just let it be a sucky time and not have an 18-point contingency plan for how it will cease sucking within the next 57 minutes flat. Nobody is coming around to check my contingency plans. Right? I mean, you're not, are you? Because I'm going to bed, so we'll just have to deal with that in the morning if you are.

Comments

[one-undone.livejournal.com]

Sounds to me like you're doing everything just right. Don't sweat the fridge deal. Most people don't even know what they're making for dinner until they open the fridge in the evening and try to figure out what's still in it and what expired months ago. Keep taking care of yourself and cutting out the unnecessary stuff, and hopefully you can find a nice balance where you feel comfortable for the time being. It does suck to be someone who is used to doing doing doing and suddenly you hit the wall like that; I've BEEN that person, so I can definitely relate. Simple and satisfying meals are fine. No need to knock yourself out just to cover basic needs. You're allowed to have a sucky time just like the rest of us, and believe it or not, you're still sucking in a much more organized and optimistic way than the rest of us ever will, so take heart. At your very core, you are still you, albeit more tired and less willing to overextend yourself. Glad to hear you're being good to yourself - that's a good thing! If you don't take care of you, you can't take care of anyone else because you certainly won't be in any shape to do so. Hope you have a great sleep tonight. Miss Ista will be fine :)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

believe it or not, you're still sucking in a much more organized and optimistic way than the rest of us ever will, so take heart.

I'm a sucking overachiever! Yay!

Seriously, thanks.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I'm allowed not to be the optimist for awhile, and it's not the same as wallowing in pessimism. Sometimes I'm allowed to have a sucky time and just let it be a sucky time and not have an 18-point contingency plan for how it will cease sucking within the next 57 minutes flat.

correctamundo. i have checked your contract, and it says that you are in fact allowed those things.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm glad somebody is keeping these things on file.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Yoon.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

I certainly won't be coming to check on your contingency plans, because I assume you would keep them in your bedroom with the drugs, guns and porn, and I know that guests aren't supposed poke around in there.

I'm glad you're taking it easier on yourself, sorry it's so strongly needed that you do so, and as always, hopes and prayers for things getting better.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[pnh.livejournal.com]

"Taking a lot of time to cook can pay off, but some of the best things are fast and easy, too. It's just not that simple a dichotomy."

Sure. My impression of the "slow food" people is not that they're claiming all food should be prepared slowly; rather, they're claiming that food should be prepared attentively, and that both the food and our relationship to it are improved thereby. I could be projecting my own crank notions onto them, of course.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That could well be.

Hmmm. What kind of attentive this means is giving me fits here. There are several recipes in my repertoire that seem to fit the slow food people's mode, and yet I can prepare them in my sleep. So I'm probably less attentive to my chocolate cake recipe than I would have to be if I was making it from a box, because I've never made cake from a box, and I've made chocolate cake from scratch enough times that my hands know how to do it without particular instruction from my brain. On the other hand, making it from scratch so that I know what's in it and how it goes may be the mindful part? I'm not sure.

Also, as I'm not a parent, I'm particularly hesitant to tell parents how they "should" be cooking with their children (and more than one of the slow food articles I've read does not hesitate a bit about that). I benefitted from hanging around the kitchen making food that took awhile with my parents, watching them pay attention to how strong the lemons smelled that day, what state the tomatoes were in. But I also benefitted from some evenings when they'd throw on a box of Kraft dinner and spend that time going to the park with me or drawing pictures or reading quietly or whatever. I suspect that this is one of those cases where the latter behavior is assumed and the former unusual, but I don't want to overcompensate. Just compensating would be enough.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's about the preparation so much: the great thing about most slow-cooking things is usually that you can go away and leave them and they are very forgiving about being left on the stove or in the oven for longer than you intended. Whereas a whole lot of things that demand split second timing just before serving are madly stress-making. My impression is that the slow food movement is more about attentiveness while eating: sitting down and relishing the food and having pauses between courses, rather than gobbling on the go whilst doing something else.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

There may be variations on it, of course, and I've gotten the impression that the attentiveness while eating is important to that movement. But whenever I've run across "slow food recipes," they've had a few slow-cooker recipes and the rest just time-consuming recipes.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Getting enough sleep and drinking enough water are Good Things - not because they're likely to solve whatever's going wrong for you, but because not doing so can definitely make it worse and add new and nonexciting symptoms.

Sorry, I know you know all that. I'm just grumpy because I managed to get a little dehydrated *again* last Sunday, despite my best attempts otherwise. (Should have had water rather than tea while working outside - mind you it was only 8-9 AM - and just went I was getting that in balance I went for a massage. Had to spend the rest of the day sipping diluted Gatorade.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Massages can be Like That. Mine usually are.

Which reminds me that I should go down and have my usual talismanic cup of cranberry juice and glass of water. Sigh. Virtuous Mrissa.

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

I'm here on the parenting front lines, and as far as middle class suburban living goes, cooking dinner is a dying art. Never mind eating it. Making food from scratch is not necessarily a movement, it's just resistence. It's subversive. Around where I live, the paradigm is: both parents work, get home from work at 5, grab fast food or something on the road or forage from the refrigerator, rush off to evening sports or activities, rush home and drop into bed exhausted an hour later than necessary to get a good night's sleep. It's not that these people never cook. It's that they usually don't.

I didn't choose to stay home from work because I believed my child would be more intelligent, more successful or better adjusted. I did it so he could have clean underwear, so I could get to know him, and so somebody could have a hot meal on the table each evening. We don't eat a fancy meal every day. In fact, I'm trying to break the habit of cooking something "new" each night. I'm trying to keep things simple. One thing that's real easy is to chop up meat or tofu or something, throw in a bag of frozen mixed chinese veggies, plop in a dollop of black bean sauce or some other good quality jar sauce, and voila--a healthy meal in one pot. (Well, you need rice, too.) Two nights ago I made tacos with home made refried beans. Last night, I rewarmed the tacos and supplemented them with fresh, grilled corn on the cob.

I am hoping and praying that you feel better soon. I'm very concerned about this illness (that's obviously what it is) and I hope the doc can get you a diagnosis--and a treatment--soon. I assume they've already done obvious stuff like checking thyroid levels, etc. I was thinking this started roughly around the time you got your puppy. Is there *any* chance this could be an allergy? I know lack of energy is one of the symptoms of allergic illness. I know that poodles and other dogs with continuously growing hair are less allergenic than shedding breeds, but one can still be allergic to them. That would be sad, and I hope it's not the case. Just thought I'd point out the obvious correlation. *hugs*

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I don't have any of my standard allergy symptoms, but if none of the blood work comes back with stuff in it, I may bring it up to the doctor before heading into the neurologist etc.

I get skittery if I don't cook actual food for awhile. It just doesn't feel right. But I need to remember that actual food can be a stir-fry or something like that, and not always separate courses of fabulousness. Thankfully, I've settled in with some of our friends around here and no longer need to show off every time there are people around -- not as much of an issue in Hermit Phase, but still a relief.

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm still beating the bushes for a Mundane and Easily fixed problem for you. I don't want to see you spending a lot of time in specialist's offices chasing after a diagnosis like Chronic Fatique Syndrome or Fibromyalgia or something. I think allergies are a long shot, since you haven't mentioned, you know, snot, or anything, but, hey, it's worth a try, eh? Allergy wise, it could as easily be the Minnesota summer. Is this your first summer back or your second? Mayhap some pollen is hanging around that your body remembers and dislikes from before California.

There's also the chance that your doctor never will figure out what's wrong with you. Medical science still has a lot of holes. However, the good news is that our bodies tend to heal (or adjust or acclimate) on their own anyway, so you could end up feeling better (hopefully sooner rather than later) without ever knowing why you were feeling rotten.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Indeed, I am only snotty in the colloquial and not the literal sense.

From what I've read of CFS and fibro, neither of those seems to fit. But I'll be beating the bushes for mundane and easily fixed as well, and hoping that the blood tests of this last week show something clear and treatable.

I'd also settle for everything just getting suddenly better, but, y'know, in lieu of that and all.

This is our second summer back.