Privileges revoked

[mrissa]

Dear college-age stoners outside Byerly's,

Though I do not smoke marijuana myself, I think it should be legal for you to do so. All sorts of things I would classify as "smelly boring stuff that may have health benefits for some segments of the population if used carefully" are perfectly legal -- driveway basketball games, for example, and cooked beets in any form.

HOWEVER. If you are stupid enough to light up a joint on the sidewalk in front of Byerly's, you are too stupid to smoke pot, and your pot-smoking privileges ought to be revoked. You deserved to have the Blonde Lady Who Takes No Guff From The Likes Of You catch you. What were you thinking? I mean, honestly.

Rolling my eyes,
mrissa

Dear bicyclists on Hiawatha Ave. last night,

I applaud your environmental spirit, or your commitment to fitness, or your cheapskate nature. Any of the above -- it's all good with me. I can even see why you might feel uncomfortable behaving as a part of vehicular traffic on a busy street. However, if you are uncomfortable in that fashion, please recall that your options are 1) acting as a car, or 2) acting as a pedestrian, not 3) switching back and forth between the two on a whim or 4) doing things that are against traffic laws for both categories. Especially if it is dusk and you have chosen clothing that blends neatly with the asphalt and grassy hillocks around you. I would just wish that you got whatever came to you, but drivers do not deserve to have to go around feeling guilty for maiming your idiot behind. Bicycling privileges hereby revoked for exhibiting this behavior.

Hitting the brakes,
mrissa

Dear dog,

If you run full-tilt at my rear end while I'm taking out my contacts again, your bathroom-sharing privileges will be revoked. I'm not kidding. That was only funny afterwards.

Reluctant scritches,
mrissa

Comments

[jhetley.livejournal.com]

Some bicyclists represent Evolution in Action, I'm afraid. Dark clothing and no lights at dusk or later would be one example. Some of them have even removed the (mandatory and factory-installed) reflectors in an attempt to increase the coolness rating of their mangled corpses.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

If you are stupid enough to light up a joint on the sidewalk in front of Byerly's, you are too stupid to smoke pot, and your pot-smoking privileges ought to be revoked.

My principal practical concern about people smoking joints at this point is that, while I don't mind the occasional unexpected residual lungful walking under the railway bridge on the way home, or indeed walking around downtown, I wish they'd stop cutting the stuff with tobacco. That's what they call a gateway drug, people.

However, if you are uncomfortable in that fashion, please recall that your options are 1) acting as a car, or 2) acting as a pedestrian, not 3) switching back and forth between the two on a whim or 4) doing things that are against traffic laws for both categories.

Oh, amen to that. Not so much here, but Cambridge is lethal for pedestrians because of cyclists wanting the best of both worlds.

Especially if it is dusk and you have chosen clothing that blends neatly with the asphalt and grassy hillocks around you.

We have a no-compromises fix for that, too. (http://jesshiva.livejournal.com/404712.html)

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness for living in Canada! :D

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

If it's any consolation, that last one very nearly made me snort Rice Krispies out my nose.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Where bicyclists always use arm signals, dogs never sniff butts, and all the children are above-average?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That is a fabulous fix. However, they weren't even Gothy in black. They were drab (in colors that were probably fine in the light). Sigh.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But I don't wish the mangling on some poor driver, who would probably feel that it was on his/her conscience.

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

Where puffing happily away at my Joylent Green on a main street is quite unlikely to have me arrested. :D

As to the rest...people are stupid. Remembering that helps me very often.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But Byerly's will kick people off the sidewalk for standing still smoking tobacco, if it'll form a noxious cloud for everyone to have to walk through. And tobacco is legal here for people of that age.

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

Ah, so, then it is a local reference I lacked. :)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yah--while it's not greatly intelligent to smoke weed on public streets here, Byerly's is an upscale grocery with decent carpet and germ wipes for their carts: the least reasonable sidewalk to choose.

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

It would seem decidedly inopportune.

I recall playing the Ghost (among other roles) in an all-women Hamlet a few years ago, at the Registry Theatre here in town. The Registry is built in what used to be the land registry office, as one might guess, and is sandwiched between the main criminal court for the region, and the regional police headquarters.

I used to toke outside it all the time - it never occurred to any of them that someone might do so in plain view of a police station. I've never felt safer (it's possible my activities may have contributed to the feeling of safety, I admit).

[madmanatw.livejournal.com]

I am so with you on the bicyclist one. I love my bike, I love riding the bike and I love that Berkeley has so many bike lanes. And yet, I want a telescoping stick that I can shove between the spokes of asshats who cruise along on the sidewalks with barely a care for the pedestrians.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Berkeley. Yes. Berkeley is so bad about bicyclists who want to be cars and pedestrians all at once. Palo Alto, as I recall, was not too much better.

[jhetley.livejournal.com]

Well, no, innocent drivers should not have to face that trauma. And you may have guessed that I harbor strong feelings in favor of general car-bicycle (or truck-bicycle, or moose-bicycle, or even chipmunk-bicycle) avoidance.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I just like "reluctant scritches".

[brooksmoses]

Isn't that what the flags in the flag-stands next to the crosswalks are really for?

[voidmonster.livejournal.com]

As a cyclist, I've definitely done both car and pedestrian things while riding. The thing is, though, I choose to behave like a car or a pedestrian based on which one keeps me the most out of the way of cars.

And of course, my definitions of behaving like pedestrian or car have to do with whether I use car turn lanes or crosswalks. It depends on the intersection and whether or not using the car turn-out lane requires me to get in the way of traffic. If there're a lot of cars, I'll just skip the turn lane and walk through the crosswalk. I also spend the maximum amount of time possible in bike lanes.

But then, I have noticed some cyclists seem to wish to die. The other day I saw a somewhat out-of-shape looking fellow riding a bike with no gears (and gearing designed for racing speed) and no brakes. He was riding up and down gigantic hills, and he'd clearly pushed himself hard enough that the time spent anaerobic had left him vaguely insensible. He kept drifting in and out of the bike lane as we passed him. A very not smart thing, that.

[one-undone.livejournal.com]

That would have been priceless to witness, though :)