Privileges revoked

[mrissa]

Dear college-age stoners outside Byerly's,

Though I do not smoke marijuana myself, I think it should be legal for you to do so. All sorts of things I would classify as "smelly boring stuff that may have health benefits for some segments of the population if used carefully" are perfectly legal -- driveway basketball games, for example, and cooked beets in any form.

HOWEVER. If you are stupid enough to light up a joint on the sidewalk in front of Byerly's, you are too stupid to smoke pot, and your pot-smoking privileges ought to be revoked. You deserved to have the Blonde Lady Who Takes No Guff From The Likes Of You catch you. What were you thinking? I mean, honestly.

Rolling my eyes,
mrissa

Dear bicyclists on Hiawatha Ave. last night,

I applaud your environmental spirit, or your commitment to fitness, or your cheapskate nature. Any of the above -- it's all good with me. I can even see why you might feel uncomfortable behaving as a part of vehicular traffic on a busy street. However, if you are uncomfortable in that fashion, please recall that your options are 1) acting as a car, or 2) acting as a pedestrian, not 3) switching back and forth between the two on a whim or 4) doing things that are against traffic laws for both categories. Especially if it is dusk and you have chosen clothing that blends neatly with the asphalt and grassy hillocks around you. I would just wish that you got whatever came to you, but drivers do not deserve to have to go around feeling guilty for maiming your idiot behind. Bicycling privileges hereby revoked for exhibiting this behavior.

Hitting the brakes,
mrissa

Dear dog,

If you run full-tilt at my rear end while I'm taking out my contacts again, your bathroom-sharing privileges will be revoked. I'm not kidding. That was only funny afterwards.

Reluctant scritches,
mrissa

Comments

[voidmonster.livejournal.com]

As a cyclist, I've definitely done both car and pedestrian things while riding. The thing is, though, I choose to behave like a car or a pedestrian based on which one keeps me the most out of the way of cars.

And of course, my definitions of behaving like pedestrian or car have to do with whether I use car turn lanes or crosswalks. It depends on the intersection and whether or not using the car turn-out lane requires me to get in the way of traffic. If there're a lot of cars, I'll just skip the turn lane and walk through the crosswalk. I also spend the maximum amount of time possible in bike lanes.

But then, I have noticed some cyclists seem to wish to die. The other day I saw a somewhat out-of-shape looking fellow riding a bike with no gears (and gearing designed for racing speed) and no brakes. He was riding up and down gigantic hills, and he'd clearly pushed himself hard enough that the time spent anaerobic had left him vaguely insensible. He kept drifting in and out of the bike lane as we passed him. A very not smart thing, that.