back from wake

[mrissa]

Just home from the wake. Wish I could have stayed longer -- plenty of people I would have liked to talk or listen to more -- but as I am currently having a pretty intense nosebleed (one-handed typing), I think I gauged my body's point of refusal pretty accurately. There will be sleep.

When I left the wake, people were eating and drinking and laughing and crying and talking and sitting silently and playing music and singing and listening. People were, as far as I saw, being generous with each other and cutting each other slack for literal or metaphorical stepping on toes. It was good. It was what it ought to be, what it needed to be. But look, the thing was -- it smelled a bit like Mike at the wake. I'm a scent person -- those of you who know me well know that, know that I have a sense of how people smell even when I most of my time with them has been at literal arm's length -- and there were bits of things, the hard candies and the single-malts and other things that were parts of how he smelled. Good but hard; not something I've had at a memorial or funeral before. And with that and with all the conversation and music and things that were very Mike things, I kept having to remind my hindbrain not to expect him to walk in, not to think to see him any time soon. The love of sweethearts and friends and admirers and family members can't conjure any of us back when we've gone. It's not that kind of magic. Magic yes, but not that kind.

I sometimes hear people talking about funerals or memorials as a celebration of the life of the deceased. I think this means, among other things, I am supposed to be happy with the universe for having had as much Mike Ford as it did and not mad as hell at it that there wasn't more. I think I can manage both just now, actually. You don't have to be all that large to contain that fairly limited multitude. I'm also pretty sure which one wins in the long-run.

Comments

[jenett]

And with that and with all the conversation and music and things that were very Mike things, I kept having to remind my hindbrain not to expect him to walk in, not to think to see him any time soon.

Yes. Exactly that. I have been saying it's weird - I would regularly go six months without seeing him, and not think much of it. But I keep thinking he's going to turn up again. Except no.

It was a most wonderful wake, and I think exactly the right thing, if we could not keep him longer.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yes. I keep thinking, "He would really have liked this. Except for the bit where he's gone and everyone is sad -- I don't think that would have been his sort of thing at all."

[fredcritter.livejournal.com]

A goodness: so many warm and good people who loved him so much.

A personal goodness: I was able to lead a favorite community love song before departing.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Ahh, that is a personal goodness indeed. Glad of it.

[aszanoni.livejournal.com]

Happy for you all that wake was good. -hugs-

M'ris, hope that you're getting the sleep.

eek! Hope that the nosebleed's over too.

- Chica

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yah, I got the nosebleed to settle down pretty soon after posting, so that was good.

The sleep...well...I don't know if markgritter has food poisoning or a stomach bug or what. But even under those circumstances I managed to go back to sleep repeatedly until 7:00 a.m., which for me is great. So on we go.

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss. *hug*

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it went well.

[redbird]

Thanks for the report, for those of us who weren't there, and would have liked to be. (Yes, my reasoning for not going seemed sound, before, during, and after: I still wish otherwise.)

When people talk about a funeral or wake as a celebration of someone's life, I see that less as not being mad at the universe that they're gone, than as remembering why we're mourning this person and being glad they were here. That in part contrasts with the sort of funeral where a religious officiant gives a homily that talks about religion or an afterlife, with nothing specific about the person who died. (Talking about religion, god(s), or an afterlife isn't the question here: it's whether you could tell who the minister was talking about if, instead of naming them, the minister just said "he" or "she.")

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Sure, that's one of the things people mean. Also I think that they mean dwelling on the cause and circumstances of death is not particularly of interest, except in that it reflects on the person's life. They mean a lot of things, really. It's a fairly fraught phrase.

[jhetley.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that scene. I never knew Mike except through his books -- never even knew he was called Mike until Pat Wrede told me in a post on RASFC. But I admired him through those books and through the attitude of others...

[howl-at-the-sun.livejournal.com]

I missed meeting Mike Ford by a hairsbreadth at MiniCon this year. I wish, now, that I could take that hairsbreadth away. Another recommendation for seizing the moment.

I lit a candle here in California for the Wake. And I am sorry you lost your friend.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I wish you'd at least made it to Ask Dr. Mike. Sigh.