Old

[mrissa]

Last week, C.J. and I were talking about his dad, who is 60, and how when his dad was born, 60 was probably old. We marveled. I asked Grandpa Lyzenga, and he said yep, when he was in his mid-teens, 60 was definitely old. But Ray (C.J.'s dad) is definitely not old. Definitely middle-aged. People talk about feeling mentally younger than they are, but it's got to be strange to have the definitions receding before you as you get there -- especially to have them receding fairly close before you.

Ever since he turned 70, my grandpa has been telling me that when he was my age, he never expected to get to be his age. Since he was not just a member of a previous generation but also a Marine, I have no reason to think he's exaggerating. And yet when people said that Mark's grandma had lived a long, full life, I was only willing to give them "full" in my own head. She was not yet 80. I have expectations of how long I should get to keep people, and the lower bound on them is 90. I've lost loved ones before their 90th birthdays -- several times -- but it's always a shock and an affront. And I think it should be. Medicine has improved, dammit. I should get to keep my people.

I don't know how my mom would feel about me telling this story on her, but I don't think it's a bad one, so I'm going to go ahead. Last year she was walking to her car from some store or another, dressed for work in flowy dress-casual clothes. And some guy pulled up and said to her, "I don't want to seem like a creep, but I just wanted to tell you that you are still very attractive for a woman of our age." She told my dad and me this story, and Dad was annoyed, and I was infuriated. "'For a woman of your age!'" I spat. "He had a lot of nerve, 'for a woman of your age!' Lucky I wasn't there. I'd have told him!" My momma turned 50 this May, and my momma is pretty for a person, for a woman, and women of whatever age would be very lucky if they looked like my momma, thankyaverymuch. (The best picture for me is the one towards the bottom, where she's goofing with her slippers. Because she's having fun.)

Mom was a little bemused by my reaction. "He was trying to be nice," she said. I said, "Next time he should try harder, then!" And Dad and I both went around muttering, and Mom looked at us like we'd lost our minds.

I know this guy wasn't the enemy, but good heavens, what an idiot.

timprov and I tease markgritter that he's old, and every year when I pass T up again he teases me that I'm getting old. But honest-to-goodness old? My grandparents just started to get to that. They're still learning how. I hope they have a long time to get it right, but they're quite new to it in the last few years. It's good on them. They're doing well with it so far. But Grandpa is 76, and he's just started being old. And when my friends tell me how long "people" live, I can't help but wonder how many times their definition is going to change before they're done.

Comments

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I don't have any grandparents left, having lost them at ages ranging from 73 to 86. Lucky for me, I married into a set of four that are all still going strong - Ted is the only person I know who still has all of his in his late thirties. I hope we get to keep them in their present states of health (or better) for a long while.

And you're right; your momma is very pretty.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Your momma is very pretty.

See? That guy was a doofus.

My hair is not nearly dark enough to silver like hers is silvering. Le sigh. My dad's hair, which is more-or-less mine, is looking blonder every year because the dark and red strands are graying first. Le bigger sigh.

[markgritter.livejournal.com]

Well, in 1950 or 1960, 60 really was old for males--- male life expectancy was about 67 years. Today's 65-year old male can expect about 16 more years, and a 75-year-old about 10.

Unfortunately those two numbers have not been going up very fast lately. From 1980 to 2001 the gain in expectancy at age 75 per year was about 0.07, pretty consistently. The corresponding increase for age 65 was about 0.10.

Exercise for the reader: at what fraction of the speed of light do you have circle Earth to live forever?

[(Anonymous)]

Mark, you're awsome.

Heathah

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I think I'll keep him. (And since it's my journal, I can just whisk away double posts.)

I have to ask

[shamaneyes.livejournal.com]

This might be a sensitive subject but... How do you continue working on your novels when you haven't sold any yet? Do you just have faith that they'll get sold eventually? Do the short stories serve as an anchor and a promise right now? Or is it something else?

I don't have any published short stories (only essays and interviews); I tell myself that the hardest part is writing a novel, that selling it will be the easy part, because if a work is solid, there will be a home for it somewhere. I know I've heard that the best thing to do after finishing one novel is to write the next, that most writers have several books in their cupboard when they make their first big breakthrough. But how do you keep writing in the face of rejection? Short stories I can understand, but novels are so all-consuming to get through (this will be my third or fourth attempt at finishing one).

I'm sorry if I've said anything to give offense, I'm just...wondering if I'm telling myself a lie at how easy it would be.

Mack

Re: I have to ask

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm not offended, but I will get to this at some length later.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

Your mother is a very elegant-looking woman. Very pretty. That guy was trying to be nice, perhaps, but I've found it's best to avoid classifying by age altogether. Partly because people can be sensitive about it, but mostly because I am no judge of age; I would have placed your grandmother at 70, not 90.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Grandma is around 70-ish. 72. Or did you mean Onie? She's my auntie. People often mistake her for much younger, though.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I meant Onie.