More of the same

[mrissa]

I don't want to turn this into the All Vertigo PT, All The Time lj -- in part because I don't want to let this be the All Vertigo PT, All The Time life. And yet right now, it consumes a lot of time and energy and attention, and it's affecting the other things on which I like to spend time and attention. Since I started the PT, I've found that I can only read for a set period of time, or only do things on the computer screen for a set period of time, before I start to get dizzy. So to sum up, it affects my cooking, eating, sleeping, reading, working, driving, going places, and doing things. I know that ideally I would treat something that has to be done three times daily for the next month or two as though it was combing my hair. I don't wake up and think, "Oh, how I wish I could take a break from combing my hair!" It's just one of the things that I always do, more than once a day. This should be like that. It's just that it'd be a lot harder if combing my hair made me feel like the world was tilting and spinning around me. I mean more than usual.

Anyway. We persevere, and in the meantime I'm working on picking reading/viewing/listening material etc. to be...not relentlessly positive, definitely not that, but not particularly dark. I switched from watching old episodes of Murder One to watching old episodes of Bab5. I am susceptible to mope right now, so I'm working to counter that susceptibility as much as I can.

In some ways I'm frustrated by how slowly I'm working on fiction in all this, but in other ways I'm giving myself a chance to chew over stuff that needs chewing over, so that's definitely a good thing.

I'm also working on saying yes when people ask if they can do something specific and concrete to help. This is, we have ever hope, a short-term situation; accepting help to get us through it is a good idea. My reflex when someone offers is to say, "Oh, you don't have to do that." And indeed they don't, and neither did I when I was the one offering to them. So it's better if I say, "Well, you don't have to do that...but it does sound very nice of you, and we'd certainly appreciate it." I have all the instincts for no. Sometimes the right answer is still yes.

Comments

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness it's not interfering with your not doing things. Then you'd really be in trouble. :-)

Hang in there.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

No, I'm afraid my basic personality is the part that's interfering with me not doing things!

[fiddledragon]

*lots of hugs*

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

And thanks for dinner; much appreciated.

[kizmet-42.livejournal.com]

I don't mind hearing about your vertigo and how you're treating it/living with it. This is your journal, write what you want and need to say.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I'm afraid the limitation is less what I think what others will want to hear and more what I want to say.

[redbird]

That feels familiar, with a side order of "do I want to read all this if I look at my own journal 3/6/24 months from now?" An under-discussed value of the cut tag.

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

i have felt that way about my LJ, too -- the last four months have been all crohn's/surgery/related depression and anxiety, ALL THE TIME. every single entry, basically.

trying to write about anything else feels kind of phony though. like, it's not what's on my mind. this health shit is on my mind.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I get frustrated, because this health shit is what's on my mind, and I am so ready to have something else on my mind. Over it. Bored now! Done now! Next thing! The universe does not seem to cooperate with this.

Sigh.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

If the exercises are making your vertigo worse, does that mean that they're really having an effect and are more likely to achieve a cure? Or does it just mean they're currently making your vertigo worse?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Well, that's the question, isn't it?

At this point, if they weren't making my vertigo worse, we'd be pretty sure that at the very least they needed to get me some different exercises; the point here is to train the brain to deal with imbalance better by supplying a great plenty of it in controlled circumstances.

However, the fact that they are making my vertigo worse is no kind of guarantee.