All about the baked goods, really. As always.

[mrissa]

It seems like there are themes that keep recurring in conversations in a given time frame, even if the topics of those conversations are incredibly different. Lately one of the things we keep circling back to around here (where I mean "around here" in virtual as well as literal terms), through a hundred and one different discussions, is that there is nothing, nothing we can do to make the lives of the children we love perfect. And if we could, we probably shouldn't.

Happily, this is one of those cases where the perfect is often the enemy of the good, so there's no reason to stop trying to make the lives of the children we love good. But I think one of the things it's most important to teach the kids in our lives--whether we're their parents or godparents or adult friends or aunts/uncles or what--is that it is okay when they have to scrap the plan they made for themselves, either because they find that they cannot do it, or because they find that they no longer want to. Nobody likes being wrong, but we're all going to be; it matters how you go on when you find that you've achieved your dreams by age 20, or when you find that you never will achieve them. The plans you make are part of the person you are, but not the sum total, and not always in their execution. Sometimes you need the outline so you can ignore the outline. Sometimes you need to stop outlining for a bit. It's okay. And even when it's not okay, it's okay.

Vertigo, for example: not okay. If I had to write out a life plan upon reaching the age of majority, I would not have written down, "2008: life eaten by vertigo. 2009: cucumber sandwiches and tisane." And if I could draw my little proofreader's mark there and move straight on to the cucumber sandwiches and tisane, I would. But as much as I sometimes wail that I miss myself, I'm still here, and part of who I am is how I do this year before we get to the little pastries with hazelnuts in. I'm finding out what I miss now, and I'm finding out what I find ways to do. I doubt that I'll be glad of this stuff, exactly, but I can do something with it. I can go somewhere from here. And I am concerned with any narrative we teach children that ends with wailing, "Doom, doooooom!" Mostly I want to whisper in their ears, "You can survive the doom. And put some dill in with the cucumbers; it helps."

markgritter helped me do the oven parts so I could make brownies today, and some of them went in a very tiny, barely perceptible way to make the life of a kid I love better. Robin will not remember, when he is 40, that Auntie mrissa sent brownies for after-school snacks for his second week of first grade. But right now he likes brownies. And right now when I couldn't think of anything incremental to do to make getting through the vertigo easier, I thought, well, I could make brownies. And I did, and then there were brownies; if it didn't fix anything else, it fixed the lack of brownies. Possibly this is a sign of my small and trivial mind. I'm okay with that. Brownies make the house smell better than grand symbols do.

Comments

[kizmet-42.livejournal.com]

How profound, and how true.

Got any left?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Just a few.

[biguglymandoll.livejournal.com]

Mris! Brownies are their own excuse, as are all baked goods (bar fruitcake). Brownies for others count toward your time off of purgatory.

Having 3 crazy children helps to remind me of all the things I haven't done, all the things I hope they do, and all the things I'll get to one of these days. I've learned that I can't and - you are correct - should not make their lives perfect. It has been hard, because some of the time I've realized that (once in a while) I have the wherewithall to *make* their lives 'perfect' in their eyes - their wants are so youthful! - and I need to remember that just because they want it, and I *can* afford to buy it, doesn't mean I should. And now that the Human Tape Recorder is in 4th grade, and nearly 10, I'm seeing that we've been right not to buy them everything they want. They're growing up to be the kind of people that respect that things aren't - and won't be - always easy.

I have to mention that my eldest *loves* cucumber sandwiches with dill. And that you have the best attitude toward Life, the Universe, and Everything that I've encountered in many a day. Fair play to you, friend! I hope it all gets easier for you, and I'm glad you have a great markgritter to fill in gaps while it's not.

Mmmmm, brownies!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I r Prot girl. This r Prot thread. (I don't have any LOLProt icons, though.) So now I'm wondering what negative years in purgatory work out to, since I don't believe in the place anyway!

[biguglymandoll.livejournal.com]

LOL - doesn't matter, even the Pope downsized purgatory a few years ago! I assume you just get extra brownies when you get to heaven. ;-)

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

"It helped that one."

[ckd]

Yes, that.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Also, Robin may not remember these particular brownies - I think quite likely he will remember that Auntie Mrissa always did nice things for him, maybe even specifically that one way Auntie Mrissa expressed love was with baking.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It's sometimes hard to predict what kids will remember later, and sometimes really easy. Within the last few months, it's become clear to me that the ursulav prints in the kitchen will be something Robin remembers as an adult: "We used to go over to my godparents' house, and they had these crazy pictures of fruit and vegetable animals in their kitchen," he will say, or else, depending on Ursula's prominence, "You remember that children's writer/artist/comic writer, Ursula Vernon? They had a bunch of her early prints in their kitchen." He might remember the baking, or he might remember summer walks with Ista, or I don't know what. We'll just have to wait and see.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Mostly, I suspect, he will remember that you love him and were fun and kind to him, in whatever specific form that is couched.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I don't know about this "mostly." I remember all sorts of specifics about the adults in my childhood and what we did at their houses.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Maybe "most importantly" would be better, though then again, maybe not.

[tournevis.livejournal.com]

*love*

[columbina.livejournal.com]

If wanting to fix the lack of brownies is the sign of a small and trivial mind, I don't wanna have a large and consequential mind.

Or, put another way: If there aren't brownies at the revolution, I'm not going.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

Or, put another way: If there aren't brownies at the revolution, I'm not going.

yah.

(nom nom nom)