Done and done.

[mrissa]

markgritter got a very curious ad in the mail last week. It said, "DON'T BUY A BOAT!" When he's out of town, I mostly recycle the ads for him. This one I put in his mail stack for him to see, and now I'm wandering around the house repeating it, "DON'T! DON'T BUY A BOAT!"

This is particularly fun in my accent, I will admit.

Now I'm wondering what other luxury goods not of interest to us we're going to be warned against anonymously by mail. "DO NOT SEND YOUR GRANDMOTHER TO TAHITI!" "THIS POSTCARD IS TO WARN YOU AGAINST ITALIAN LOAFERS!" "THE COALITION AGAINST HANDMADE COCONUT MARSHMALLOWS IS WATCHING YOUR HOUSE!"

Comments

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Is it possible actually to explain why "DON'T BUY A BOAT!" sounds particularly fun in your accent, or would I have to hear it?

Also, "NOT ALL MORTGAGE BROKERS HAVE YOUR WELLBEING AT HEART!" - I knew it was true, the moment that I read it...

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Have you ever heard a very thick Minnesota accent? Such as in the movie Fargo, for example? I do not have a Fargo-caricature Minnesota accent.

...mostly. Sort of.

But my o's may be just the teeeeeniest bit round.

Is kind of like the Canadian "out and about in a boat." Which is not, I tell you, pronounced "oot and aboot in a boot," which is why phoneticized dialect is evil, because "about" and "a boat" are two very different vowels, it's just that they're not the same very different vowels as they are further south.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

The funny thing about that, is that in Dutch that *is* almost the right spelling. (Not quite rounded enough, but an extra long long 'o'.)

[desperance.livejournal.com]

I have seen Fargo! Also, I have met Canadians! Now I understand much better. Yes.

Also, I hate phoneticised dialogue with a passion, such that I will avoid reading it when at all possible.

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

HA!

[marshallpayne1.livejournal.com]

Ha! Funny indeed. How about:

DIAMNONDS ARE FOR LOSERS!

or

DON'T BUT A PERSONAL JET. THE JET SET IS IMPLODING FROM ITS OWN VANITY AND HIGH FUEL COST.

[scott-lynch.livejournal.com]

JESUS H. CHRIST!

YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONLY ONE JOB!

WE WARNED YOU NOT TO BUY A

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Oops, sorry. Totally my fault.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

You've probably heard my dialect on TV; it's the same as Rod Serling's. (Hudson Valley Dialect.)

I'm still amused by one Minnesota vowel merger: "This is my boyfriend Erin."

Vocabulary: I went to some trouble learning to say "pop" instead of "soda," and now "soda" is becoming common in the Twin Cities.

[ken-schneyer.livejournal.com]

I would really like to meet someone from the Coalition Against Handmade Coconut Marshmellows...

[aedifica]

My circle of friends includes an Aaron and an Erin. Most of us can't tell their names apart in speech, even when said by people who can tell the names apart. So we say "boy-Aaron" and "girl-Erin," or "Erin next door" (she lives on the other side of the duplex from my brother-in-law Aaron), and so forth.

Year before last, my dance troupe at Renfest included "musician-Erin," "girl-dancer-Erin," and "boy-dancer-Aaron."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

In college we had Marty-boy and Marte-girl, as the spelling difference was not clear out loud, but this makes us look kind of psychotic in written stories in which only one Mart[y|e] appears. Marty-boy, John-boy, whatever.

In one of my research groups we had Don and Dawn, and we exaggerated the vowel difference, Dawwwwwwwn.

[dancing-crow.livejournal.com]

My daughter is Aerin (a direct result of McKinley worship) and works with Aaron at the theater. They are called together and work together, confusing the issue no end. The worst is when they run errands together. With Karen.

[aedifica]

BEWARE THE HAND-CRAFTED LEATHER GOLF BAG!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

My brain wants to add OF MARCH to this.

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

Of course, because all that wind makes it a lousy month for golf; so does the mud (from snow melt in your neighborhood, and rainityrainrain in mine) means that the ball is likely to get imbedded if it lands hard in the wrong spot. Plus if there are any thunderstorms you're toast(ed).

So yeah, BEWARE THE HAND-CRAFTED LEATHER GOLF BAG OF MARCH!

Also, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE HAND-MADE VARIETAL DARK CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Now wait a minute! As for the hand-made varietal dark chocolate truffles, I promise nothing!

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, pretty much a lost cause on that one here as well.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

You can always send them to me. I will protect you from them!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You're a true humanitarian.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

Aw, shucks, ma'am. Just doing my job.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

and shun the frumious Coach Handbag!

[aedifica]

Does it have claws that catch? That would be a problem in a handbag, yep. There it'd go, snagging on your nice silk dress, and then the dress would be ruined. Best to just shun that handbag altogether.

[zwol.livejournal.com]

Inquiring minds wish to know whether there was any rationale given for not buying a boat, or whether there was something that one should buy instead, sort of thing.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

We were to join a boat club instead. But that was less amusing than, "DON'T BUY A BOAT!"