Creative urges

[mrissa]

ellarien said something in comments a few days ago that made me want to respond in more than a comment, and then lj went down and I didn't end up doing it. Here's what she said, in response to something I said about leaving physics:

That resonates with me, in an odd way. About ten years ago, I was getting far more satisfaction out of writing than I was out of my research job, and I seriously considered giving it all up and trying to write full time. I actually spent six months doing each half-time, and then found a new research job where I was much happier. I've done less and less writing since then, and found that I can more or less pacify the creative urge by crocheting instead. It's interesting to hear from someone who took the other fork, as it were.

And what I want to say is: I don't apparently have a creative urge. I believe that some people do, that some people have the need to create something, and can pacify that need by creating a wide variety of things. I am not, however, in that category. I have a writing urge, specifically a fiction urge. Occasionally I also have a baking urge and a cooking urge. But not a generalized creative urge: if I have a fiction urge, making a pan of muffins won't help, and painting won't help, and I'm fairly convinced that other things wouldn't help, either.

I keep thinking I should learn to knit or crochet because, or so my hindbrain tells me, then I would know how to do something useful. (More likely then my hindbrain would reclassify knitting and crocheting as non-useful.) I have no intention to learn, however, because I don't want to give my brain another set of urges and another set of projects to fuss about finishing.

I'm wondering: how many of you have a need to make stuff and find it can be handled in a wide variety of ways depending on what you have readily available? And how many of you have one specific or a handful of specific things you feel the need to make? Does it feel significantly different to you to do one creative task than another, in terms of what it satisfies in your head?

Comments

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

I have a handcrafts urge--hence the needlework, knitting, and spinning. What I want to do depends on my mood (and how my eyes are; I haven't done needlework in nearly a year because of the poor lighting in my apartment, boo) and how my hands are feeling. If my hands are feeling sore, then I'm likely to prefer spinning--also if I've done a lot of knitting on the bus I'm likely to want to spin. Knitting is a better portable project than spinning is (I've spun on the bus and it's too difficult).

When I was writing, lo these many years ago, I'd occasionally get an urge to write something specific but it was often more a need to just create. At that point, I wasn't really doing many handcrafts, either, so ellarien's theory actually makes a good deal of sense for me.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I often forget to include the piano in my list of creative pursuits, and I think that's for two reasons: 1) I have a piano again for the first time in years (apartments, bleh!), so I'm not used to it yet; and 2) I don't compose much. I haven't composed in years. I realize that a good performance is a creative act -- even a poor performance is probably a poor creative act rather than an uncreative act -- and I give other people credit for that kind of thing, just not myself. Not sure why.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I think composing on the piano feels veryvery different from composing fiction to me because I am fundamentally not a composer of music. Maybe it would feel veryvery different to someone who was both, too, but...hmm. I have some friends who read a good deal and do not write fiction. They could, if there was a gun to their head, string together a story. They're smart people. It might even have a clever premise or something. But it's not fundamentally what they do, and it doesn't feel natural to them, and that's how I am with writing music. I tried it, and it wasn't me.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Makes perfect sense to me. I can paint pictures but don't naturally come up with them. I can write music but don't naturally come up with it, either. I like paintings and music. None of that makes me a painter or a musician.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

That's exactly me. Though I do get urges sometimes to write nonfiction, in some fundamental way I'm not a fiction writer. I don't think of myself as a creative person, when I make things I'm a crafter rather than an artist - I try to make nice things but they don't have to say something. If I made you a necklace, it might be a very nice necklance but it probably would not come with a story attached. I'm not sure if that's true of my nonfiction writing, but I think it is, because the writing is generally descriptive rather than imaginative: the great majority of the time I'm not presenting new ideas but an opinion or new view of existing ideas.

On the other hand, handiwork is fairly interchangeable to me; I shifted to knitting because beadwork interfered too much with reading and don't have much urge to do beadwork as a craft now, unless I want to make a specific thing with beads. Ditto cross-stitch but since I virtually never have a need for embroidered things I never get an urge to do that. I do like having something to do with my hands, though it may be more a need to fiddle and fidget than a need to make things.

[merriehaskell.livejournal.com]

I'm with you--a writing urge is a writing urge, and any other creative urge is wholly differently for me.

I occasionally have a "visual arts" urge which can be purged with either drawing or photography or painting or carving or just coloring--I'm apparently not really picky there. But while I enjoy drawing, and am actually pretty good at it (quite possibly better at it than I am at writing; I have been yelled at by a number of art teachers in the past for not using my "talent" (see, *I* don't believe it's a talent)), it just doesn't work the same..

Furthermore, the writing urge hits me every single day, and always has, since I was seven or so (possibly earlier), even when I was pretending I wasn't going to be a writer... whereas the other urges hit me more or less at random. I don't know if it's because I self-identified as a writer early on and have sublimated most other urges into that one (I mean, for practically anything I even consider doing, I factor in the "and then I'll have had the experience, if I need to write about..." element--and I bet a lot of writers do the same thing), or if it's really just different for some people...

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yah, it's hard to say where on the spectrum of "this is what I have trained myself to do" and "this is what I am inherently" the writing goes. On the one hand, I sincerely doubt that I'd be writing fiction in its currently recognizable form if I'd been born even 150 years ago. Maybe even fewer years ago, even. On the other hand, I had my mom taking dictation when I was still learning to write, so I could get my stories down; that's hard to discount.

But there are some elements of definitely having trained the writer-brain to pick things up and/or do things, because I'm better at those bits than I was when I started keeping a journal in 1997.

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

I can replace writing with other storytelling activities--role playing games, face to face storytelling, that sort of thing. Other creative stuff (cooking, playing with photoshop, etc) falls under the mental category of "fun." And it doesn't fullfil the storytelling urge.

FWIW

Also, they're talking about you over at whileaway, M'ris. *g*

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Does role-playing work for you as the GM only, as a player only, or both/either? Because role-playing falls (fell, mostly, at this point in my life) under the category of "socialization" in my head and never worked as story-telling.

Thanks for pointing me at the mention of me. I will have to think about that label, because to me a "feminist science fiction writer" is quite a different thing from a "science fiction writer who is a feminist" or a "science fiction writer who is a humanist." But hey, positive reaction, I'll take it.

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

Both. Although I find when I'm writing a lot, I lose the urge to GM, but not to play. The RPG groups I tend to play with are more like amateur improv theatre than dice-rolling groups, though, which may have something to do with it. (Not larping so much as diceless/freeform games)

And yeah, "feminist SF writer" is different than those other two things, agree.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Productivity yes. Domestic productivity, necessary and unnecessary: YES. I have some necessary domestic tasks ahead of me, but I also have some unnecessary domestic productivity stuff itching at me: the problem with doing so much baking at once for Christmas is that I have no excuse to do it steadily thereafter. Eep! Need baking! But I think I can find an excuse to make bread, muffins, and brownies this week, so there's that, finally.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Hanons. BLECH!

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

The writing urge was always separate, that is, an attempt to live a separate life.

The make-things urge was different, a way of engaging here, and I really took hard to knitting when I was a kid. If I had the time to sit in front of the boob tube now, I'd probably take up knitting again.

Drawing was also deeply satisfying, though again, time constraints (and arthritis) have made that urge dwindle.

[scottjames.livejournal.com]

I've done less and less writing since then, and found that I can more or less pacify the creative urge by crocheting instead.

My very first thought, before you said it, was "Yeah, but Marissa's don't work that way."

I can substitute almost anything visual for anything else visual. Sometimes cooking counts, but only a little bit. If I'm making something new and not following any recipe exactly. It fulfills the urge halfway, maybe.

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

The writing urge is the writing urge, for me.

It is not satisfied by making jewelry.

(eeek! Speaking of, I must figure out what Mike did with the jewelry I have to adjust for your mom...)

It was, however, satisfied pretty satisfactorily by MUSHing, a type of online roleplaying in which you generate a LOT of text. Perhaps it's just the 'words on the screen' phenomenon.

Also strangely, for me, the writing urge cannot be satisfied by sitting down with paper and pen. Must be in front of a computer.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Do you revise on computer, too? And does revision count as writing in your head or not?

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

I revise twice: the first time on paper, the second time on computer, and then the final edits on paper again.

For some reason, my brain doesn't count revising as 'real writing' unless it's a white-paper revision: sitting down with the basic idea and just doing it *again* because the first time sucked so bad.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

For some reason, my brain doesn't count revising as 'real writing' unless it's a white-paper revision: sitting down with the basic idea and just doing it *again* because the first time sucked so bad.

Me, too. That's why I asked.

I'm trying to cure my brain of it, because I need to work on revisions, and I need not to spend a full day on them and then spend all evening drafting something new.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

I have a writing/storytelling urge, which can be satisfied by writing or by gaming. But only if I'm the game master.

I also have a more generic "creative" urge that needs to be satisfied by creating something one can look at - programs, miniatures, cake, whatever.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The problem with gaming is that it features other people.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's true. That's why it only works if I'm the GM. Just being a player is not enough involvement in the creation part.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But if one is GMing well, the characters have some input into how things go.

This Is Bad. That is, good for the role-playing, bad for my nerves.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

*nod* For me, it's not as effective as writing, but also easier because it's more fun. It's a trae off.

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

The writing urge is definitely the dominant creative urge in my life, followed distantly by the music-making urge. I suppose this is an urge I've suffered from (in a good way) all of my life. Of course, life being what it is, I haven't been able to consistently scratch the itch that is writing until the last couple of years.

As a kid I wrote (badly) all the time, and I got the creative itch out by way of Role-Playing Games. During my first marriage I tried my hand at writing SF&F, but I was working in a vacuum. I lived in the boondocks and didn't know about such things as fandom for instance. I submitted a few stories, and received some very nice rejections, the kind that encouraged me to continue, but the pressures of my first marriage, and my (now ex) wife's complete and utter contempt for what I was trying to do forced me to set it aside (she didn't read, complained when I did, hated when I spent time at the typewriter, and thought RPGs were of the Devil). I scratched the creative itch by playing Bass Guitar in a rock-a-billy band and working at a theatre, doing tech and bit part acting, but it never completely satisfied. It was during this time period I convinced myself that writers were Not Like Me. No, they were a Special Golden Class of people who lived in far off places and had interesting lives. It was a defense mechanism designed to help me cope with the continually deteriorating situation that was my life.

After the divorce, I spent a lot of time working to clean up the mess that was my personal life. I started trying to write fiction again, but somehow convinced myself that I couldn't write dialogue, and stopped. I took up writing poetry seriously at this point (I had poked at it before) as a creative outlet, and lo, I managed to sell some pieces here and there. I realized that writers were people just like me. I started to poke my nose back into SF&F, just looking mind you, and saw the fringes of fandom becoming to me out there.

But I was too afraid to take the complete jump. It was too late for me, I was too old I told myself. I had too many other responsibilities I rationalized. The Midwesterner work ethic part of me said that writing wasn't real work, and I should be doing something productive. I fed the fear and lied to myself quit well.

I filled the empty creative space with Role-Playing, primarily as the GM, and created an intricate Secondary Fantasy World for my players to romp around in. I was not content to just create a world with monsters and treasure, no this world has a working economy, a large cast of NPCs of all walks of life with elaborate back stories for the players to interact with, Machiavellian politics, geo-political power plays, a mythic past and uncertain future. Yeah, you get the idea. And I was content for many years to let this be my creative outlet, designing this world and weaving stories for my players. It kept me from going bonkers, and it kept the creative juices going.

Then I was forced to withdraw from the workforce while I dealt with the re-alignment of my life. As my vision deteriorated, my desire to write fiction came back in force. This time I had a spouse (the wonderful and lovely careswen who not only supported my decision, but encouraged it and is my primary editor and first reader. It was also somewhere around this time I found fandom for real, and started making connections with other writers (who, as it turns out, are pretty much people like me. Well, not exactly like me, we're not clones after all, but you get the idea). Now I can't imagine a day when I don't write something.

I still role-play, but it's more recreational now, and I've switched back to being a player (for the first time in over 20 years) because I don't have the time or energy to GM anymore. I still play Bass Guitar recreationally (and might even try to do it professionally again someday), but writing is what I do, and a writer is how I identify myself.

I can't imagine any other endeavor scratching that itch or any career being as fulfilling.

Just Thoughts,
Michael

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how much a life situation can and can't do to change a person fundamentally.

[palinade.livejournal.com]

For me, the urge to write is separate from the urge to create something visual. Writing isn't instant gratification. Cardmaking is very instant. If I don't like the card, I can make a new one in less than 10 minutes. But if I'm dissatisfied with where the novel is going, I may not be able to rip it apart and start over in less than 10 minutes without putting myself back to square one. And that's much more difficult to do when I've reached square 356.

I also like the hands-on feeling I get with paper, beads, and foodstuffs. Writing is all in the grey matter. I touch-type and handwrite, so there's some visceral application, but I can't actually touch the world. I can touch flour and paper and clasps.

But I'm a very tactile person. If things smell, feel, taste, or sound a certain way, I'm much more attracted to it.

[seagrit.livejournal.com]

I think I do have a creative urge, and that I'm the type that can satisfy it in a variety of ways. I had never thought of it this way before, but perhaps one of the reasons I stopped writing as much after college was that I was satisfying my creative urge through work instead. I create things all the time, but now they're programs rather than poetry. Interesting.... I'll have to think about that. I know that sometimes I'll feel randomly creative, and start making paper snowflakes, or playing with photos on the computer, or taking pictures of things outside, or even writing every once in a while.

[ellarien]

Thanks for bringing this up. I've been thinking about it some more, and it's complicated. The crocheting isn't a perfect substitute for writing, but it does work to fill in the gap where my day job isn't totally fulfilling for me. I need stories in my life, but I don't necessarily have to write down the ones that turn up in my head, though it was very satisfying when I could. I need to explore and solve problems, and the job gives me plenty of that; in so far as writing consists of putting words on a screen in coherent form, I get to do that too. Lately, thanks to the wonders of PowerPoint and HTML, I even get to express myself in shape and colour in ways I never knew I could. What's left over is what I classify as the 'creative urge', and crochet does seem to help with that. I even find myself trying to design patterns in boring meetings, rather than telling myself stories. It helps that it's something I can do that doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer.

I haven't completely given up on writing fiction, but I'm so rusty now it's hard to get started again, and in the meantime I've read so much advice and discussion of process that I don't trust my own instincts any more.

Right now, I have to do some useful domestic stuff.

different urges

[dendrophilous.livejournal.com]

The fiction urge is specifically a fiction urge.

I don't have any other creative pursuits to fill it with anyway. I was never much of a musician even before my hands made me quit, and that's specifically a music urge. I do needlework and crochet, and that's specifically a 'textile arts' urge. Neither the music nor the textiles is stuff I create - I don't compose or design - and it doesn't have *story* the way a story does. Usually while I'm crocheting or cross-stitching, I'm also daydreaming my books.

[pameladean]

I have a bad relationship with the physical universe. Writing gets around this. The writing urge is like no other urge. I cook and garden, and sometimes the results are excellent and often getting an excellent result requires creativity, but the urge is completely different and much less itchy. A writer is what I am. Those other things, I just do them sometimes. All activity is prone to failure, delay, and perversity, but for me, only in writing can these difficulties be reliably overcome or compensated for.

P.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Entropy. Entropy is not our friend.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

I think my writing-urge and my make-something-urge are two seperate ones, but I really had to think about this for a while. I play several instruments (only still have the guitar, although I'll rush a piano if I see one), paint (badly), cook and bake (well), and sew (getting there) on a semi-regular basis. And they do scratch different itches, and are indicative of different moods. I have to be fairly calm and focused to sew, whereas I bake when I'm stressed or annoyed -- to calm myself down.

What I'm thinking now is that they're different urges because the writing is a head urge. Everything else is something to do with my hands, and is satisfying a tactile/engineering need rather than a conceptualizing need.

Maybe I just don't think it's worthwhile unless I'm making something. *g*

[mkille.livejournal.com]

It's hard for me to decide whether I have a creative urge. I have a making urge something fierce. But I don't know how creative I am, as in making something new. I am very good at taking bits and pieces from other things and recombining them, and if people don't get the references, they think it's new; sometimes *I* don't get all the references, and I think it's new. But it's not, and eventually I figure out how it isn't. I have a concrete and structural mind, and on occasion I make new structures (languages, geographies, etc.), but mostly existing structures are fascinating and beautiful enough to keep my attention.

(This probably has to do with why I'm drawn to orthodox Christian terminology, and resistant to new traditions, and such, too.)

The making urge is pretty generic. Just about anything can satisfy it. Sometimes I have to make something really complicated, though, which rules out some activities. Baking, for example; I'm sure there are tricky and complicated cookie recipes, but they don't call to me.

[greykev.livejournal.com]

My creative urge is pretty mild and easily distracted.

I prefer words in that they are presisely controlled, but that also excludes the potential for happy accidents. Cooking is almost never a creative activity for me, though baking usually is, probably because the art/science of baking remains a mystery to me.

I've derived a certain amount of satisfaction from thinking about & creating games (of the card and board varieties) but that isn't something I do on a regular basis. I've also done roleplaying. I enjoy the character creation, and I enjoy GMing, but it doesn't feel like a creative activity to me.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I prefer words in that they are presisely controlled, but that also excludes the potential for happy accidents.

Heeheeheeheeheehee -- oh, sorry, were you serious there?