Greeting cards and bars

[mrissa]

I finally found a birthday card that's actually appropriate for one of my aunties. It says, "You have a special way of bringing laughter to the hearts of our family." And friends. And the Sisterhood. And people we barely know. Yah.

I really hate aunt cards. They're all so saccharine. "You are the sweetest thing ever!" "You are our ray of sunshine!" My aunties are not anybody's damn ray of sunshine. My aunties kick ass. And how come the aunt cards are all "you make me want to hurl with your candied pink sweetness" and the uncle cards are all "let your emotional repression lift for one stinking day of the year, and also look at this deer, sailboat, or golf course"? I swear, if my extended family didn't put so much importance on greeting cards....

In other news, if you're going to Minicon, come to pameladean's reading and the lj party! There will be bars! I feel so much better now that there will be bars. I obviously should have thought of The Scandosotan Girl's Default Action sooner. But now they are not just any bars, they're bars for Pamela. (Which also clears up which bars they will be: accidentally vegan ones.) Which is much better than just showing up at a con hotel and smiling expectantly around: hullo, it's me with bars? Anybody care? Bars? This makes me feel much better about the fact that I was apparently planning to wear the same skirt twice this week and had not scheduled laundry, so now my wardrobe is once again flung into confusion. And I have to get dressed soon. Meep. But bars, there will be bars, I will think about the bars.

It also looks like Minicon may not be an entirely dry con for me thanks to greatestofnates, but I'm not sure on that yet. Have to talk to markgritter.

I finished Checkmate last night. Uff da mai. Now I'm reading Peter O'Donnell's Dead Man's Handle, which is walking the line between "villain annoying within the story" and "villain so annoying he makes you want to set the book down and wander off to maybe make some bars." Except I don't have the stuff for bars.

The new printer is working fine, and I've got a whole pile of stuff going in the mail this morning on the way up to porphyrin's. yhlee, wilfulcait, and sienamystic: look for mail in a bit.

Comments

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

Caits love mail more than almost anything. Except maybe bars.

Of course, when you said "con" and "bars" I immediately thought of the other kind of bars, and then couldn't figure out why there would be such a thing as an accidentally vegan bar. Maybe because there was no milk for White Russians?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Sigh. Barrrrrrrrrs.

If I'd said it aloud, there would be no confusion, because it would be the thick Minnesota accent version.

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

Maybe buy her a friend card? I'm thinking they sound like Maxine women...

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Alas, but my grandmother and her sibs are very firm about liking cards that say the relationship on them. They'd be happier with a mediocre "great-aunt" card than with a good "aunt" card. Don't ask me why.

[columbina.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm not the only person who saw "There will be bars!" and took a while to drag myself back to the right conclusion.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Non-Minnesotan.

[scottjames.livejournal.com]

Huh. Who knew I was Minnesotan?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Not Minnesotan, but certainly not un-influenced by Minnesotans in your formative years.

I know. I was there.

[ckd]

Also non-Minnesotan. In fact, of the entire state, I have only seen the inside of the airport. Will rectify this tmw.

[careswen.livejournal.com]

Though I am also non-Minnesotan, I had the right bars in mind, due to context.

Context = "mrissa is talking," that is.

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could just do the thing where you color the whole inside of the card in black crayon, and then scratch your message on the inside?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

This is my great-aunt here. So let's go with no. :)

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

rats.

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

Over the years I've established a reputation for always finding the perfect humorous card. My family has come to expect it of me. This is because I refused at an early age to every buy those gaggy Hallmark cards, or any card for a guy that mentions golf, beer, or the remote control (which is 99.9% of them.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Here are 90% of the allegedly humorous birthday cards:

1. You are old.
2. I didn't buy you anything.
3.

Oh, wait, there is no 3. 1 and 2 cover 90% of the "humorous" card market. I suppose "men are stupid" is the women's subset and "men like to have sex" is the men's subset. So finding a good humorous card is a feat indeed.

markgritter's family likes humorous cards. Mine generally does not. So I'm left trying to find something not too ornate, not too gag-worthy, and not horribly inappropriate. I really hate it when they say, "I know we don't say it very often...." Nonsense! I say it all the time! I am a cocker spaniel puppy when it comes to my loved ones!

[palinade.livejournal.com]

I have found some really funny usually sarcastic cards at non-Hallmark/big-brand name places. They're probably wholly inappropriate for your great-aunt...

Before I made cards, I stopped looking at card stores and searched for cards in neat little weird gifty places--y'know those neat little stores that sell all kinds of knick-knacks and cool things that cost a bazillion dollars, but are really unique and shiny. I usually found cool and interesting cards there... of course, they were twice as expensive as Hallmark/name brand cards.

[sraun]

You do realize we have achieved "plan"? We have a time and a place where we are both planning on being simultaneously (well, not too simultaneously - would want a big boom!), so I'll have to remember to bring a book too!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That does look eerily like a plan, indeed.

[sraun]

Oh - and I look forward to the bars!

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

Hm. Perhaps you can get Mimi Smartypants' stepmother-in-law to help. Apparently she sends very specific cards (e.g. "For My Darling Stepson And His Somewhat Acerbic Wife And Their Adopted Asian Daughter On Arbor Day (http://smartypants.diaryland.com/120304.html).")

I knew what you meant by "bars." Two and a half years of living in Minnesota taught me about the bars and the hot dish. I'll take the bars over the hot dish any day. (Now there's a sudden memory that fits completely - I remember seeing a greeting card in Minnesota that said something about a "Conspiracy to keep Minnesota Moms behind Bars." The illustration showed a smiling, kindly, gray-haired lady holding out a pan full of sweet baked goods...)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Fabulous cards, both.

[pameladean]

Oh, how I do like it when it is impossible to tell just who is doing whom a favor. I feel much better about this damn reading now that I know there will be bars. Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrs. Mmm.

I should edit my LJ.

P.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

"It also looks like Minicon may not be an entirely dry con for me"

I find myself amused at wondering which of the many classic definitions of "dry" might apply here.

K. [note that I am not asking, nor do I wish to know]

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm going to tell you anyway, because it's a very innocent explanation and not, I think, TMI. I have the alcohol tolerance of a newborn gnat, and I didn't get myself a hotel room for an entire suite of reasons. If I'm going to drive anywhere at all in an evening, I really can't drink in that evening. However, it turns out that markgritter will want the car Saturday because greatestofnates is having a Thing at his place, so he'll be my chauffeur.

I don't tend to drink to excess and don't really intend to now, but it's nice to be able to have a glass of wine with dinner or whatever.

[careswen.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I'm so glad you reminded me! There can be liquor! Not that I like to drink often or in large quantities, but as our sole driver, I now relish the rare opportunity to get liquored up. Since we have a hotel room (and I therefore have no driving worries), I think we may have to stop at the store on our way to the hotel.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'll bring the camera.