Not my lie

[mrissa]

This evening got away from me. I was going to go in for a massage at 6:45, and it turns out they forgot to tell the masseuse I was coming, so it started almost 20 minutes late. I think she extended it a bit to make up for that, and then I ran through Hallmark again (rant omitted here), and when I got home, timprov and CJ were watching "Empire Strikes Back," so I went down with The Grey Road to be sociable, or quasi-sociable at least. And now it's 11:00. Oof.

What I wanted to say before I forgot: matociquala was saying that early in her writing, she had to tell herself different lies, and one of them was, "It's just for fun." And I've heard that before, and I just wanted to say: not me. I never did.

I think the problem is that while I respect fun immensely, "just" fun is different. "Just" fun has the freedom not to be taken seriously, so I can understand why it was a needed freedom for other people early on -- but people are always more than willing not to take my writing seriously. Or at least they were. Some of them still are. Today I got an e-mail containing the line, "Your book sounds serious rather than fantasy." (This was from an older family member.) I wandered the house clutching my hair and groaning. It's still a dichotomy for her, and she was surprised about what side of that dichotomy I fell on. (Well, hell, if I agreed with her, I'd probably be surprised, too.) It is very easy for other people to act like I'm finger-painting here. Agreeing with them was never a positive thing for me. I had to fight for time to myself to write in the first place. Telling myself it wasn't serious would have been the fast track to not doing it at all.

I think I need to do more things that are "just for fun." I think I need to do things without particularly serious intent. For me, what that probably means is that I need to dig out the paints again. But I'm loath to add requirements to my days. I'm not eager to put fun on a list to be checked off: have I included whimsy in my daily schedule? Yes, for 13.7 minutes. Good. Next we'll schedule the spontaneity.

Ummmmmm. Insert coherent ending here, all right? Because I'm going to go read more of Post Captain before I crash. Being a morning person is not all it's cracked up to be.

Comments

[alecaustin.livejournal.com]

Y'see, doing things "just for fun" isn't necessarily all it's cracked up to be either.

I mean, I have lots of things I do without explicit serious intent. When I play games on my computer or RPGs with my friends, that isn't serious in the same way that working on Kythe is serious; I'm doing it because I enjoy the experience. At the same time, I need to get something more than mere enjoyment out of it: With my friends, it's spending time in their company, while with computer games, I want to see something new and interesting, or see something awesome and innovative which I never thought could be done with such a game before. This is a large part of why my roommate loves games I can't stand-- all he wants are a few neat moments, while I want the experience to nudge my imagination or my internal critic awake.

If I could get myself to be serious more often, I suspect that it wouldn't be Kythe that was grabbing me by the lapels and screaming "Write me!" in my ear, but some other book. And that would be a good thing.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm very serious about my friends. We have fun -- fun is a very good thing, and we have it a lot -- but that doesn't mean I'm not serious about them. Well -- I don't think I need to tell you that.

It sounds like you're saying the same thing, sort of: that you need some fun that's also serious without sacrificing the fun? Maybe?

[alecaustin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, more or less exactly that.

I've found that my ability to express myself clearly has gone downhill lately, especially in comments threads. It makes me sad.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That seems clear enough, if unfortunate. Hugs.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Have you read Emma Bull's "Why I Write Fantasy"? Man, I wish that essay were more widely distributed.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I haven't. Do you know where it's available?

[pameladean]

It was originally published in Pulphouse #9 and then reprinted in Double Feature, the book NESFA Press did of Will and Emma's writing when they were both Guests of Honor at Boskone. I have a copy of Double Feature.

If my Cunning Plan succeeded, this comment is redundant.

P.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

O best of all Pamelas!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The only problem is, I kept singing "Science Fiction Double Feature" from "Rocky Horror" all the way home from your house. But that is not your fault.

[pameladean]

Eee. I'm still earwormed by "Rocky Horror" by, of all things, an episode of "Cold Case." Mrrrarrr. I think that's why I recalled the location of the essay so easily.

P.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

timprov thinks we need a copy of it so that he can do this to me all the time we can watch it.

My high school gym teacher played it during class, mostly when we were running laps. So songs like "Sweet Transvestite" make me feel like I ought to be getting up and trotting dutifully in circles.

I fight the urge.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Alas, as far as I know, it was only published in two obscure hardback collections, each of which had a print run of about 1000. Pity; it deserves a wider audience.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

My mother-in-law once announced in all seriousness that she was practicing to be more spontaneous.

She's not very good at it. That day, her gesture to spontaneity was having made an appointment at a photographer (for pictures of three generations of us, arriving in two vehicles) but not bothering to get maps or directions there. We did get there, eventually and even on time, but the episode convinced me that it's important to have a good sense of which things can be spontaneous and which require planning.

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

I've come to realize that it isn't about scheduling fun so much as about leaving enough flexibility in my schedule to allow for fun when it happens along.