More from the front lines of Sampo revisions

[mrissa]

I think there is a place in the world for dialog tags like, "he said stiffly, reaching for his trousers." I just think it should be, y'know, on purpose. With an author aware of doing it.

This is what revisions are for, I suppose.

My favorite line today: "I don't think we took an oath against relativity," said Orvokki. Mainly that's just because I like Orvokki, though.

jmeadows was talking about openings today, and I don't have the opening of Sampo reworked to my satisfaction yet, but I like the beginning of Thermionic Night very much now, because it starts:
Edward Holliwell was not really a spy.

See? Like that.

Comments

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

My 6th-grade English teacher called them Nifty Swifties or Tom Swiftisms, but I've never heard anyone else call them that. That's a good one, though.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yah, they're generally called that, because the Tom Swift books were apparently rife with them.

[supergee.livejournal.com]

There are also croakers, in which the verb, instead of the adverb, carries the message. From "'I'm dying,' he croaked."

[alecaustin.livejournal.com]

That's an awesome opening line.

I didn't know that I could like the idea of Themionic Night much more, but my estimation of it has just gone up a little bit farther.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You are my favorite Alec ever. Much better than other Alecs.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

I love good book openings.