Letting go

[mrissa]

Earlier in this week, one of the people on my friendslist (locked post) asked about letting go of people if you realize that your feelings are not reciprocated. How do you do it? she asked. At the time, I said you don't so much do it as realize that you have done it sometime in the past; you live through it until you aren't thinking of it as much, and then eventually when you think of it, it doesn't hurt any more, however long that takes.

I found my lost Wilburys CD this week, and with it I had the realization that this has happened for me: not with a romantic relationship, as the locked post implied, but with a friendship. One person and I had different ideas of what trust and friendship meant, and I was very hurt to find that out. But it was years ago now, and the song on this CD that very specifically associates with this person isn't bittersweet any more. I smile at the memory, and the smile doesn't twist, and my heart doesn't twist, either. I've always been friendly with this person -- so different from being friends! -- so it's never an issue of knowing I could be civil. And I still wouldn't confide anything of any depth in this person without significant time rebuilding a friendship, if then. But when I think of him doing something fun, silly, funny, I can smile. I can value the things that made us friends to begin with, without being blinkered about the things that ended the friendship.

This is a good thing.

Comments

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

It is a post of good timing for me to read. Thanks Mris.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm glad of the timing, then. I hoped it was good timing for someone, but I didn't know who.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Having anything but positive associations with a Wilburys song seems criminal.

I think your original answer is very true. I've recently had to do this and--I'm not yet to the point where I can look fondly on the bits of it that are past. But I'm at the point where I can think of it and--not feel nothing, exactly, but examine it rationally. Which is good. There was a long while when I didn't think I could ever get even here. So we'll see.

Thank you for this post. Good thing. :)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It's "Wilbury Twist," too, so it should be pure joy. And now it is again.

Glad it was a good thing.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

"I can value the things that made us friends to begin with, without being blinkered about the things that ended the friendship."

Beautifully phrased. I have been thinking abour friendships, and romantic/sexual relationships that have ended, and realizing that in several of them, I have reached that emotional state; in others, I still need time and healing.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

And without knowing details or needing to know them, I think it's important for us to remember that that's okay, too. Sometimes we're not through things yet, and sometimes other people aren't, and that's okay.

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

Those are helpful also and true. I was thinking earlier about what you wrote that I was happy to be able to enjoy the thought of the good things at the same time I knew that some space and time were appropriate now.

Regarding not knowing who? Seredipity, and down stream from you a post by redbird where a mention of spring larkspur led to a google and another piece of writing that led to thinking posting and thinking. It all sort of came in together in a nice ripply way. But it is funny how that can happen.

I am off now to tuck in the new roses (otherwise known as play in the mud.) It is late enough in the day, that the sun is glowing under the clouds. Too much temptation for me, even though I know it is really cold and that dancing light a bit deceptive.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The internet is full of ripples. I love it.

[deannahoak.livejournal.com]

I can relate to this in such a bittersweet way. :-)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry it's bittersweet, but I do understand.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

She made me a mix tape, at one point. (Well, two mix CDs.) Some of the songs, I can listen to with a fond smile; some of the songs, I still can't.

It's a process.

(This was a friendship, not a romance, although it was almost a romance.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Mix CDs and tapes are dangerous stuff. John Cusack didn't get into that part of it.