Not nearly 100

[mrissa]

pegkerr did a 100-question meme on the 4th. I choose to treat it as a buffet and answer -- and ask -- what interests me. It turned out to be just exactly ten, which is much more manageable than 100, especially when one is asking questions in return and when one can't just give one word answers and leave be. This is why I'm not doing that grid meme that's all over my friendslist: brevity is not my middle name.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
The knuckle on my right ring finger -- the one where the finger joins the hand, not one of the further-up ones--has a slight shiny pink indentation from where my cousin Mary, who was in the midst of a growth spurt, tried to squeeze past me to wash her hands while I was taking our pizza out of the oven. She accidentally pushed my hand into the heating element of the oven. Poor dear, she felt worse than I did. (I can't say it felt great to me, either, though.) That was my quarter of swimming instruction in high school, so I had to go put that hand in chlorinated water five days a week for two months thereafter. Suboptimal.

And you?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
Nobody has ever given me a gift of the opposite sex. The first gift someone of the opposite sex gave me was probably something my dad picked out for me -- a stuffed animal or a onesie or something, I don't know. But the first gift someone of the opposite sex gave me with sappy intent was a little glass and metal dolphin sculpture Jim Buchanan gave to me when we were just turned 11 and I was moving to Kansas. It was partly love-token and partly good-bye and partly by way of apology: he had found a National Geographic in the school library with a picture of a whole beach full of slaughtered dolphins in it, and he thought it'd be funny to see my reaction if he showed it to me. And I looked from the bloodbath on the page to his grinning face and backhanded him one. It was not a considered action. I was not attempting to show him anything. The impulse went straight from my eyeballs to my arm, leaving finger marks on his cheek on the way. He was too stunned to react. I, on the other hand, ran to the bathroom and burst into tears -- in that order, and didn't come out again until I had composed myself.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
I just wanted to go on the record as saying that there is no one right way of answering this question. It depends on the two people involved, very, very specifically. There are people for whom a bouquet of flowers would be trite, shallow, and obvious, and others for whom the same bouquet would be extremely meaningful and special. People vary.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Intelligence and energy are probably tied here. Which latter point made the last year, uh, interesting. Yah, let's go with interesting. (For those of you who are new here, I am just now back to something like normal after a prolonged bout of fatigue and weird symptoms.)

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
That seems to depend on which other person I would be....

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Depends on which others. Sometimes I trust people so thoroughly upon first meeting them that parts of my brain find it a little scary and try to edge away, but the rest of the brain is having none of it. It's a bizarre sensation. It feels like I'm about 4 and have wandered up and taken the hand of some random adult with no inkling of why on earth that might be a bad idea. I don't think there's anything to be done about this. I suspect it's pheromonal. I can continue behaving as though I don't know someone well enough to trust them, but it's not a very functional reaction: having your guard actually up means that you notice things that you wouldn't usually notice, and telling yourself, "Okay, now, be observant!" is not a substitute for that, not really.

69. WHO IS YOUR CRUSH?
I'm not answering this, I'm asking a related question: how would you feel about finding out someone had a crush on you by reading a livejournal entry? Reading along your friendslist, "Oh, X went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean," Y is tearing her hair out over her novel, Z thinks I'm the bee's knees, and Q is experimenting with hair care products. So okay then." I think most of these memes are designed for a friendslist that's younger, on the average, than mine is, but on the other hand, I'm not sure my reaction would have changed all that much over the years. Sort of along the lines of, "Oh, really? How flattering. Wait, what does this mean they want of me? But still how flattering. But what am I supposed to do about hearing this? But still it's kinda warm and fuzzy. But...."

Some of you have posted those memes that invite people to confess to romantic interest or sexual attraction in a set of screened comments. That strikes me as slightly different but a related phenomenon: different in that you're saying, "Okay, I'm ready to hear anything anybody has to say to me in this regard," rather than just reading a few entries with your morning coffee, but not different in that, well, random lj moment of rather warmer and fuzzier feelings than one expects of the average friendslist.

So what do you think here? How would you react? Alarm, amusement, ennui, some synonym for happiness that's roughly assonant with the first three words in this sentence? Would your answer vary if the entry was filtered, or not so much?

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
I don't have an all-time favorite for all occasions -- I like ice cream too much to have one true favorite -- but I just want to point out once again that boysenberry sorbet with dark chocolate chips is really quite fabulous, and also edible for vegans, the lactose intolerant, and many other groups who might otherwise have difficulty with ice cream. And it's not a pallid substitute. It's very vividly itself.

Edited to add: Minneapolitans: beware of the new gelato case at Fat Lorenzo's. When we were there, they were using artificial fruit flavoring rather than actual fruit, and it was not a good thing.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Blue, and blue, and blue, and that other blue, and also green.

I told people green for years, and I didn't notice that it had changed so that I was choosing blue things whenever I had the chance of a good blue thing.

Is there anything simple and silly you've been telling people about yourself for years and have just now noticed is not true?

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I am perpetually amazed that not only do some people not notice smell first, the way our society seems to work is that commenting on it is weird and uncomfortable, so I have often answered questions like this by trying to readjust to visual modes. But those are not natural to me as first impressions. It's all smell. People who are not much for smell sometimes express pity that man-smell is impinging on my life. Ohhhh, you silly people, this is not a bad thing. Even when it's not an attractive thing, it's not a bad thing. The smell of little boy, for example: not sexually attractive but very, very good.

Comments

[redbird]

With regard to "who is your crush?" I suspect that the expected answer is a celebrity of some sort, not someone who'd actually see the answer.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That did not occur to me. And in fact I had a moment of cognitive dissonance reading it, thinking, but half the celebrities are on lj anyway! And then I remembered that favored SF writer != celebrity, and now we've got the idea down, I think, mostly. Sort of.

[brooksmoses]

<html tag for the sound of a paradigm shifting without a clutch and spinning wildly around until it lands somewhere completely different>

Oh. Right. Yeah, that had completely not occurred to me either. It makes rather a lot more sense that way.

mrissa's question is still an interesting ponder, though. The answer, to me, would depend very heavily on exactly who posted it -- to the point where if I were to give much more than very vague generalities, I'd probably be effectively posting "I have a crush on you" to the relevant people -- it would amount to something like: "There's a person with whom our negotiation about mutual crushes is in state X, and if they were to say that they had a crush on me, I'd have this happy poingy response because my feelings about them are thus-and-so," for a very small number of people approximately the same size as the number of states X I would be describing. Also, friends whom I don't have crushes on but think are pretty neat, and would not mind being the object of a crush from, so long as they were happy to leave it unrequited and didn't feel uncomfortable about it.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I would hope that I would be a "safe" person for most of my friends, that no one would fear that a crush meant inexorable or awkward intention. But I know I haven't always had that reaction to friends' crushes, historically. In high school, in fact, I reacted with absolute terror to one friend's crush, and was probably less graceful about it than I could have been. (The problem is, I'm still not sure how I could have been more graceful and still managed to convey the essential lack of reciprocity. High school is hard.)

[athenais.livejournal.com]

More people should have a crush on me, that's all I'm saying. I never, ever hear about any until years afterwards when it's mostly too late.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Everyone who gets crushes on women should read this as explicit permission to confess a crush on athenais here and now if they so desire. Or I suppose in any other location: well-attended panels at cons, that sort of thing.

Don't know if anybody relevant will read the comments section, but, y'know. One does what one can. When my friendslist people were posting the "Tell me if you have a crush on me" memes, I wanted to reply, "Nothing personal, really! I'm sure if I liked girls I would think you were mighty fine!" Because it was overwhelmingly the women on my friendslist so posting.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

Oh hey, thanks. *waits for deluge of crushes*

Yeah, I know. I felt bad that I couldn't make someone's day by saying I had a crush on them, but I never do feel that way about females.

I will say the one time I admitted to having a crush on someone here on LJ it worked out surpassingly well.

[redbird]

I suspect that some of your female friends are hesitant because they know you never feel that way about women.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

True; I never feel that way about women, as you say. I don't mean to encourage any crushes in a serious way from anyone, though. I think people should enjoy their crushes as a secret happiness, not really worrying about whether anything can come of it. That's how I treat most of mine.

And then occasionally I think my heart will break if X doesn't realize I luuuuuuurve them.

[redbird]

It's easier for me to enjoy a crush that way if I don't tell the crushee about it: if I do say something to the person, it's hard for her or him not to feel that I expect some sort of response. I'm not sure if that's trickier if they do reciprocate, or if they don't: especially since, real life and its complexity being what they are, it's entirely likely to come up as "yes, it's mutual, and no, we shouldn't act on this." (If I actually fall in love, which is rarer, I'm more likely to say something; even then, I may decide not to if I'm sure it won't be reciprocated.)

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I used to have nonsexual crushes on people all the time. I tried not to say anything about them, though, because it would be deeply weird to admit, "I have a nonsexual crush on you, I want to be your best friend, I want us have a meaningful and mutually fulfilling friendship, and really I'm not a stalker but I know a lot about you because I care so much..." But in fact, I've felt this way many times. Sometimes on women, sometimes on men.

I enjoy a good crush that has overtones of sexual attraction but upon which I don't wish to act. Because these usually occur with friends, and I'd so very much hate to lose the friendship. And yeah, what with the feeling some kind of response or reciprocity is required, eh. Best to keep it private.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I have found that I have to be more careful with the word "crush" with some people. I told a friend that I had "a writer-crush" on [redacted], and she gave me this wide-eyed appalled look, and I had to hasten to explain that it just meant that his books were soooooo good and made me kind of wide-eyed and moony and that I would like to have mine shelved next to them. Not that I found the person in question attractive in a physical sense. But it's a very similar warm feeling in some ways.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I think people should enjoy their crushes as a secret happiness, not really worrying about whether anything can come of it. That's how I treat most of mine.

Yes, crushes are not always the same thing as romantic intention. Sometimes they're just, to quote Cromedome from "The Tick" out of context, varm fuzzy nice-nice.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

I get crushes on people easily. (Having them stick, on the other hand, is a different matter entirely and rather more rare). So I hereby publicly declare my crush on you, because you have "art nouveau" and "wien" listed as interests on your lj profile, and that combination to me says Klimt, who is my favorite artist evah, and even if Viennese art nouveau is completely the wrong classification for him, you could probably correct me on that, and superior knowledge in areas that I'm interested in is teh sexy.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

Excellent! I love to talk about Wien and about Art Nouveau, though I'm no expert, so your kilometres may vary on teh sexy. I do love Klimt (he is definitely Art Nouveau) and most of the Secessionists (I'm a bit meh on Schiele), but what I love best is the architecture of the period. Vienna is positively orgasmic if you like Art Nouveau buildings.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

I don't know about Schiele and Secessionists, at least not by name, so that makes you already more expert than me!

I did like the architecture in Vienna very much, which is good, because I spent my entire time there (just one day) wandering around outside.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

"Surpassingly" is a really high grade of well. Perhaps I am underestimating this system of crush-notification.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I assure you, it was and is worthy of the superlative.

[greykev.livejournal.com]

Hey, do they have eggnog gelato? I'm guessing not given their fake flavors.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

They did not when we were there. It may be seasonal.

I think of you whenever I think of eggnog gelato, but really, how often is that, and who else would I think of?

[one-undone.livejournal.com]

Regarding #70, wouldn't the dark chocolate chips actually make the sorbet inedible for both vegans and the lactose intolerant? Because if it wouldn't, I would really love to tell my friend about it, as he has been pining for ice-cream-like delights for a while, and Tofutti is not quite cutting it for him, and he is lactose intolerant. (I don't think he's vegan now, but I'm CERTAIN of the lactose intolerance.) That boysenberry chocolate chip stuff sounds pretty good, so even if *he* isn't able to eat it, it sounds like it needs to be in my freezer at some point in the future. What company makes it/where can I find it?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Dark chocolate has no milk in it. You can examine the bag of chocolate chips you're buying to make sure you have the right kind -- it'll list milk fats in the ingredients if you have a milk or a partial-milk chocolate. But "cocoa butter" is not butter at all, so that part is fine. I mix mine at home -- boysenberry sorbet, plus separate chocolate chips dumped on top. My boysenberry sorbet of choice is Edy's Whole Fruit.

[one-undone.livejournal.com]

I did not know that! Will is going to be THRILLED to find out this info, and I will pass along your easy "recipe" for raspberry sorbet with dark chocolate chips and the recommendation for Edy's. I'm sure he'll be eager to give it a try, especially after eating Tofutti for a while, which he never really liked anyway. Thanks! :)

And I'm sure I'll try it too, because now I have the feeling that, from about late July onward, Jason's going to keep a constant supply of dark chocolate chips and boysenberry sorbet in the house regardless of anything I may have to say on the matter.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Sometimes one must simply bow to the inevitable, when one is married. There's a give and take in every relationship, and if enduring boysenberry sorbet and dark chocolate chips in your home is what it takes to maintain a healthy partnership, well, we all make sacrifices.

[one-undone.livejournal.com]

I suppose it would be senseless to try to prevent him from having this snack, so I may as well not try to stop Jason if he's determined to destroy himself with boysenberries and dark chocolate. Yes, that's the best course of action. Some things are best left alone indeed.

Jason, you win! :P

[landofnowhere]

I'd also like to thank you for the suggestion; I also have a dairy intolerance, and that sounds quite delicious!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Glad to be of service! I am actually on call for meeting people's frozen dessert needs...not really 24/7, but often. Definitely often.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

My friendslist is pretty small. There's nobody on it I would be distressed to discover had a crush on me. My probable reaction would be "really? REALLY? yay!" That's for filtered. Unfiltered, I would be disconcerted. Still pleased, but disconcerted.

Most likely I wouldn't think to worry about what they might expect of me, since I've never knowingly had someone crush on me more than I already was crushing on them.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

My favorite color is orange. I always told people my favorite color was dark green, or possibly dark blue, and it was true enough then. However, now everything I want is orange, red, goldenrod, Carolina blue...hey, what do northerners call that color?...and not really ever hunter green, midnight blue, burgundy, etc.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I could tell you what color we call "Carolina blue" if I knew what color Carolina blue was.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

The blue on Carolina Blue (http://northcarolina.rivals.com/) is a good representation, but it covers a range from more pastel to more electric.

[(Anonymous)]

My high school colors were red and "Columbia blue," and the Columbia blue was a not-dissimilar shade.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That was me. Stupid lj random logouts.

[mkille.livejournal.com]

Columbia blue...hmmm...yeah, that's not too far off.

Your high school colors were the same as Louisiana Tech? How interesting.

(UNC joke/saying: If God's not a Tarheel, why did he make the sky Carolina blue?)

[aet.livejournal.com]

The short story is that bit of skin from my arm was added to straighten out a finger. The skin from arm has hair growing on it.

The long story is I proved to be too stupid ever to become an engineer by cooking the meat off my right palm by dismantling an electrical switch and grabbing hold of the live wire. My palm healed, but I had bent a finger inside the cast and the new skin had grown to fit the hooked finger.

That is how it looks 40 years after the sewing work:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/50797989@N00/185394496/

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Is the functionality still good? My mom doesn't have much of a scar from where she cut her hand open, but the hospital sewed it back together incompetently (this was when she was just a kid), so her fingers don't bend as separately as they ought.

[aet.livejournal.com]

I would say for me functionality is 100%, even if the finger does not straighten up completely - they were afraid to play too close to bending parts (also, I was a toddler, so my hand has done lots of growing after the operation), so the skin does not fit entirely right and I have a bit of skin connecting the fingers. It could, I guess, be a problem if I would need nimble fingers for piano playing or something.

I am tune deaf and quite clumsy, so I cannot recall any occasion when my scar has hindered me. In fact it is part of me that I quite like.

Ramble on, please pardon

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

i don't have a crush on you per se (so no alarm!) but i DO have a healthy admiration for the writing processes of both you and athenais (you can blame her comments sections for leading me to your LJ). The funny thing about this is that whenever i comment in your LJ, which may have been twice, but probably once, it comes out all awkward (and "Good-Grief-why-did-you-say-that-dummy" to myself) and just plain dumb, LIKE the way i might talk to someone i had a crush on, but more likely someone i didn't know too well but was impressed by.

This one, of course, is no more coherent.

Briefly:

1. Stepped on glass when i was 8 or 9, it cut into the bottom of my foot, and it healed up but the skin went steroidal over it and now it's a huge, huge callous.

42. My writing (don't laugh!) and my taste in clothes.

54. Heavens yes but i would say "she's nice, but she's so ... sensitive sometimes."

59. It's pretty much drawn along gender lines. Weird, but true. No trauma relating to men leading to distrust in my past or anything. i just trust women a lot more easily in general.

69. i have a crush on one of the characters i write, and i have a crush on pippinmctaggart (she knows) and i have a perpetual crush on my partner. i still act like we've just met, which is slightly annoying to him.

72. Camel and dark brown.

79. Whether or not they are a jerkwad. Tis true, tis sad, tis sad, tis true. The good thing is, some aren't.

Re: Ramble on, please pardon

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Heavens, I am the very last person in the world who could complain about rambling in lj posts or comments!

It's funny: I trust men a lot more easily. It's not that I've never had unpleasant experiences with men, either. It's just that...I just do, I guess. Happily, I can come up with a few counterexamples in the list of "people I trusted immediately for no reason" -- eileenlufkin, for example, is definitely female, and I reacted that way to her. But mostly it's men.