Elise Update

[mrissa]

As Jen The World's Best Lab Partner used to say, I am beat-down, dog-tahrd, and half-daid. I was full of energy until I got in the door to my house, and now it's all gone. But I think some of you are probably worrying about elisem tonight, and so I wanted to post this before I fall over: I went up to help Elise with some stuff tonight, and I watched her eat nutritious food (we went and got a roasted chicken on the way back from errands), and I watched her drink significant water, and I watched her take necessary meds. She is pale and she is tired and she is grieving her dear one. But she is also laughing at "Mike stories" as they come to her, and enjoying telling them; and she is crying when she needs to; and she is asking for hugs and help when she needs those, too.

More than once, she expressed appreciation -- nearly awe -- for how many people have e-mailed her with sympathy already. It sounds like she has good support from good people in a lot of ways. (Yes, I'm being vague. But a lot of the details weren't any of my business.)

We arranged for me to bring food Wednesday. I'll see if anything needs doing then. She said that she'd want more from people around then, she thought, so it'd be a good time for helpful locals to check in, maybe.

Maybe I shouldn't be saying this on a public post, and I hope nobody takes it amiss; I just know that I've been worried about her all day, and I don't want those of you who were in the same boat to, uh, stay in that...boat.....right. To bed with the Mris. As I was leaving, elisem instructed me to hug my dear ones. You do the same.

Comments

[ckd]

Thank you. Thank you for the update, and thank you for being there physically. (If all of us who wish we could be there and have it be helpful showed up, I think Minnesota would sink down appreciably.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I remember what it was like when my friend Andrew lost his wonderful sweetie Chris, and I was in California and could do nothing but ship food from Trader Joe's. It was an immense relief when I knew that his roommate and his SCA buddies and so on were stepping up. So.

[pameladean]

Thank you. I've been awaiting instructions, but am not able to do some things because of the lack of providable transportation.

P.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I consider the unification of obelisks a totally Mrissable task. If you and elisem decide that what's needed is for you to be there with her and other transportation is not available, I will come pick you up and drop you off and come back to take you home when you tell me to.

[pameladean]

Thank you. It is a quite bussable route; I meant more that it's harder for me to go pick up a roast chicken and run errands for or with her than for people who can drive. But if transportation becomes fraught, I will remember. Thank you again.

P.

[brooksmoses]

I come from a culture where one cares for grieving friends by bringing them casseroles. It's a good thing to hear that someone's doing that, and someone who will understand if I say "thank you" for it. Thank you.

I'm glad to hear she's okay.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Hotdish culture is our friend.

I say this a lot: I don't understand death, but I've got hotdish down pretty good.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[retrobabble.livejournal.com]

That was kind of you and I'm glad you updated. I didn't know John, but I've met Elise on more than one occasion - the stories and the sincere regret I've seen all day on LJ makes me sad that I never did.

[batwrangler.livejournal.com]

Thank you: I certainly don't expect Elise to have the heart or the energy to post or reply to emails, but I appreciate knowing she is as well as can be expected under the circumstances. I feel at a loss being so far away that the sort of practical every-day helps aren't something I can offer. I hope I do not sound presumptuous when I say it is good to know that there are people close at hand watching out for her.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Well, even if you shouldn't be saying it, I'm glad you did. Because I've been wondering, and it's not like I can do anything appreciable in Boston. So I'm glad you're bringing the food. (Casserole, roast chicken, whatever.)

So, thank you.

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being there for our friend.

And if I'm hugging my dear ones, dear one, I have to hug you. *hug*

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

*SQUEEZE*

[stillnotbored.livejournal.com]

You are the very best Mris there is. I didn't know John, but I do know Elise. I'm glad she has good people to help take care of her.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this, our hearts have been going out to her.

[jenett]

Thank you very much - both for the helping, and for letting us know.

(Like Pamela, expecting to be around doing things in the near future.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I knew you would, yes. You drive, right? I seem to remember that you drive. Anyway, if I'm wrong, same deal as pameladean: if you need transportation to be with her, let me know.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the update, and being there with and for her. (I was lucky, having taken yesterday off for other reasons, and spent the day and night hugging Soren.)

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reassurance. I wish I could do something to help, to make things better.

[magentamn.livejournal.com]

If you see Elise, and she thinks brownies would help, let me know. I can bake them and have them over there as needed. Brownies are one of my comfort foods. I don't do hotdish all that well, not being a native Minnesnowdan.

Also, the Strib did not have an obit of Mike yet, at least not the online version. Has anyone called them? He is, damn, was, enough of a local celebrity that they may have an obit file, or someone could provide one - i.e. his death is news. This needs to be done by someone who is not grieving as much as Elise, but knew Mike well enough to provide all the necessary info.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I haven't spoken to Elise since I posted last night, so please don't take this as conveying her wishes; it's just my opinion. But:

I would just make and take the brownies, if it was me. Probably tomorrow or Thursday.

The newspapers don't generally run obits until they're sure that the next of kin has been contacted etc., so I didn't expect to see it in today's paper. But yah, I have no idea if anyone has called them or what's been done in that regard for later in the week.

[brooksmoses]

I'd second mrissa's suggestion of just making the brownies and bringing them over.

One of the things about hotdish culture is that the food isn't just for the bereaved, so it doesn't always matter if it's something they like or not. Ritual and food matter, and one of the rituals is that when someone visits, you offer them food to give thanks and welcome. When you're dealing with something like this, there are lots of people coming over and doing tremendous things for you, and you usually have no time to even think about cooking anything. Having things to feed them can be an anchor of one small thing that can be right with the world.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Plus it keeps them from having to think about whether to say, "Oh, no, I couldn't trouble you," and you from having to wonder whether they mean it.

But yes: lots of people who aren't Jewish do something that looks a lot like sitting shiva and comfort food is comforting for both the food itself and the thought that comes with it.

[orbitalmechanic.livejournal.com]

One of my Orthodox friends says that she is fond of the tradition that you don't ask any questions of the bereaved, because it avoids exactly that conversation. Moves you straight into "I brought brownies, in case anyone wants any" territory.

[genevra.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking care of our Elise! And for letting us know how she's doing.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I'm not close enough to Elise in either geographic or friendship terms to be the one doing more than offering words of comfort, but it makes the world a little better knowing others are takeing care of her, so I'll add on my thanks.

[lynnal.livejournal.com]

Mris,

Thank you ever so much for helping out Elise last night. I was there helping with the sorting and searching before she called you. She needed to go do things, and I was running out of brain. When DDB said you were available I felt I could go home and crash out with less worries. (and I saw the light go on in the kitchen when you got back with the food). I really appreciate everything you did.

Lynn

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I was glad to do it, and will be again if the need arises. The plan is that I'll go over there tomorrow afternoon and (weather permitting) we'll get out to stretch our legs a bit.

[hilarymoonmurph.livejournal.com]

Thank you for all that you have done here, Mris. I was very worried about Elise, and am glad to hear that people are helping out.

Hmm

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Glad to do it. I was up there this afternoon, and she was still doing healthy things like eating and sleeping and getting things done.