Mildly odd morning

[mrissa]

The whole morning was a little weird here. I went to get my back fixed, and the massage lady was really good but spent an unusual amount of time on what she called the "far lower back." Uh-huh. It amuses me endlessly to hear the euphemisms massage therapists come up with for the butt. Some of them are vastly inaccurate -- one of them asked if I wanted her to work on my "upper hips," and I said, in some confusion, "Sure, if there are knots there." (That time led to me coming home, pointing at my butt, and demanding of markgritter, "What is this?" He feared it was a trick question, but he can, in fact, tell my ass from first base.) (Please omit snarky comments about relative albedo. Thanks so much.)

I also lost all sense of space and time for a few minutes, so I had no idea what time it was or what I would be doing next, which is always a little weird to come out of, especially when what brings you back to yourself is an elbow in a spot on your left shoulder that makes your entire body twitch at once. Ahh, neuromuscular system. Strange stuff.

Then I went to buy birthday cards for my cousin, my uncle, and my great-aunt and incidentally picked up a silly thing for my sister-in-law and a different thing for another great-aunt, plus address book refill pages. So they gave me a free "VIP gift bag." Err...okay. And in the VIP gift bag was a decapitated snowman mug. I'm not kidding. It's a snowman's body. There is even a hat in case your mug needs a lid. (???) But there is no head. They also had decapitated Santa mugs, which also disturbed me, but I didn't get one of those for free. Which is just as well: I really don't know what to do with the snowman. I don't want a decapitated snowman, but I don't want to give someone else one, either. Maybe there will be some charitable organization in search of mugs.

Yah, I doubt it, too.

Byerly's was distinctly normal, at least, except that I kept being inspired by things markgritter wouldn't want, so I stocked up for next week when he's in California. Squash! Brussels sprouts and chestnuts! Etc.! Also there will be comparative truffle-tasting this Christmas. We will discover whether my friends and relations have low tastes. If so, we will indulge them. If not, we will still indulge them. That's what friends and relations are for.

I keep thinking I should ship something to somebody, but I have no idea what or whom. If I was supposed to send you green mittens or world peace in a bag, now's the time to speak up.

Back to the book. Only not the one I meant.

Comments

[redbird]

I suspect there's someone you know who wants a decapitated snowman mug.

Furthermore, they will probably comment to this post.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Killing two birds with one stone, then!

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

Decapitated snowman! Cool!

Yes, I'm demented. That sounds awesome to me.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

at time led to me coming home, pointing at my butt, and demanding of markgritter, "What is this?" He feared it was a trick question,

At least he didn't say "It's your elbow, silly" or words to that effect.

[ckd]

I won't make any snarky comments about relative albedo; I will say that my first reaction was "wow, the definition of 'first base' sure has changed since I was in high school" though.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Kids These Days. Probably it has something to do with lipstick at parties.

Seriously, though, is, "he doesn't know his ass from first base" not in use as an expression of stupidity/ignorance where you're from? How about, "she doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground"? "He couldn't find his ass with a torch and a native guide"?

I don't know why so many expressions of ignorance and stupidity are butt-related.

[aszanoni.livejournal.com]

Maybe because there's always a someone whose head would go astray if not attached... yet butts are not so easily detached. :>


Had a decapitated chess set once.

'Twas stone, and not pretty. Only some of the pieces had suffered. The Salvation Army attendant didn't know what it was, which bemused me. However, *someone* had placed the complete set in the glass display case.

Later, after I'd bought it, and pondered how to reattach the heads, I wondered what possessed me. Eventually someone rescued it from me. :D

I don't NEED the snowman, but its very existence delights me. Heh.

- Chica

[sam-t.livejournal.com]

'Couldn't find their arse with both hands and a map' (or the arse/elbow one) is the usual expression round here. I'm afraid I wouldn't know first base if it jumped up and bit me - I have a vague idea that it's associated with either baseball or teenagers or probably both, but that's about it.

[redbird]

"from his elbow" or "from a hole in the ground" are in use where I'm from; I'd not heard "from first base" before this.

[ckd]

Same here, though from context I'd figured that the intended meaning was cluelessness rather than dating habits.

[netmouse.livejournal.com]

I think it's much easier to speak of that area if you're British. "The Bum" said with the pursed british U sounds almost distinguished. When I studied Mime and we did massage on each other as part of warm-ups, they emphasized these were some of the most important muscles to massage, as they work very hard. And all my instructors used "the bum" to describe said area...

[sam-t.livejournal.com]

Distinguished? It's quite a childish/informal word here, so I'm rather tickled by the idea of a studio full of people solemnly saying 'bum' to each other.

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

Save it for a white elephant party! It will get laughs.

When you have a baby, the nurses keep coming in afterwards to check your "bottom."

Why a nurse can't utter the word "vagina" is beyond me.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

On the flip side, my friend Emily who is an obstetrics nurse knows more euphemisms patients have said or shouted at her about their vagina than anyone really wants to hear. The list starts funny and gradually grows more and more appalling. She got on this topic because I had read someone on the internet talking about her "hoohoo," and I said that I did not believe I had been issued one of those. And that was enough that on went Em, and on, and on.

She used to work gynecological emergency care in Texas. The stories from that are good for birth control for years.