Rule #1.

[mrissa]

Okay, people, what is the first rule of living in Minnesota?

No, it's not "do not make the women angry at you, for they may be smaller than the men, but they're meaner."

No, it's not "if you can't get it at Byerly's or Target, you may not need it."

No, it's not "indirection is the best rhetorical/interpersonal device ever."

No, it's not "respect the designated weirdos."

If you guessed, "DO NOT RUN OUT IN FRONT OF CARS IN AN ICE STORM, YOU STUPID, STUPID PERSON," you win the prize!

Thirty-eighth had some pretty treacherous spots. Lots of ice, when I was driving on it. I did not kill anyone driving home tonight, but that is entirely my doing and none of hers.

I am just now calming down.

I'm a little amused at myself that when I was pumping the brakes, steering into the skid, and trying not to hit this person, I didn't honk because I was afraid someone that dumb was dumb enough to stop in surprise. Instead I shrieked, "Wa! wa! wa! wa!" at her. Apparently in moments of crisis I become Charlie Brown's mom/teacher/etc. Then when the car had stopped and she was not dead, maimed, or in any other way in contact with my motor vehicle, I shouted, "Dumb stupid stupidhead!" at her. (She could not hear me, having continued trotting along the sidewalk.) There was no one to impress with the cleanliness of my language; heaven knows I've called people worse. But apparently I am Robin's age in the privacy of my own head.

Comments

I hope you're okay

[barondave.livejournal.com]

She was an idiot, and you were rattled. Not permanently, I hope. *appropriate hugs*

Re: I hope you're okay

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Not at all permanently. Thanks.

Re: I hope you're okay

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

I suspect Mrissa is no longer rattled but I am pretty sure the other woman will be an idiot for a long, long time.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you're all right.

On the plus side, you've made me laugh harder than I have in days, so thank you!

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

It's not "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line?"

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Ooh! I think it is now!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

No, no. That's Omaha. Plenty of Sicilians there. Here, only a few.

[todfox.livejournal.com]

Once I got so mad at someone I called them an "elephant trumpet." I am not sure where these things come from in times of stress.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

Now, that's a mellifluous insult if ever there was one. I may try to use that one in an argument sometime soon.

[orbitalmechanic.livejournal.com]

In my house we are trying to cut down on the swearing because "fuck" is only funny the first time it comes out of a one-year-old's mouth. My roommate is working hard to move himself over to "monkey trumpets." Maybe you guys could have an animal band!

Yesterday he came up to me and said: "Oh! The replacement for 'Jesus Christ' is 'Judas Priest.' Why did it take me so long to figure that out?" Uh, okay.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

See also "cheese and rice."

"Fudge ripple" seems to work for people who have started and don't want to go the way they began.

We are very good at old-fashioned fake-swears here. My friend Marte has all of them, "oh, for the love of Pete!" and that sort of thing. With a very thick Minnesota accent. It's wonderful.

[mormor1.livejournal.com]

Oh jumpin'! I mean-- cats!!

You do come by the euphemisms honestly. I'm just sayin'. And I suspect that of all the people here who are grateful you were "only" shaken and not more seriously harmed, I believe I am truly the "gratefullest."

(Don't go messing up what we made. Daddy and I do good work.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I even use Grandma Elaine's "Fee!" sometimes. Don't know if you ever heard it come out of my mouth, but it does.

[brooksmoses]

suzimoses's mom has been known to use "sugar honey iced tea" on occasion. (Hint: it's a reverse-acronym.)

For a few months when I was quite young, I thought that "Joe Schetz" was an expletive. It's not, though; it's the name of one of my dad's colleagues.

[eposia.livejournal.com]

I dunno, "Dumb stupid stupidhead!" has a nice rhythm to it.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

That's what I was thinking, too!

[allochthon.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're ok.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're OK and I'm glad she's OK even if she's stupid, because it shouldn't be a death penalty and you don't deserve the trauma.

[redbird]

Indeed so.

With any luck, the person who didn't think will know better next time (or be more awake and alert).

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

oi.

glad everyone lived.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

See, now, those other rules amuse me muchly.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

"do not make the women angry at you, for they may be smaller than the men, but they're meaner."

This is true everywhere. :)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

But much scarier here. At least much scarier here than in California.

[songwind.livejournal.com]

I can buy that. Plus, MN now has ladysea.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

She does tend to have an effect on an average, yah.

[sethb.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're OK. She should manage to kill herself without traumatizing anybody else.

I like shouting "Darwin" at people that stupid.