True Meaning Contest

[mrissa]

Okay, brain, I know you're throwing out ideas, but --

Why did the phrase "hockey tarot" just pop into my head and lodge there? What are you doing up there?

Also, I have decided that "He's an [x]. She's a [y]. They play hockey fight crime!" is clearly not suitable for children's books. Why? Because children's books must include A Clearly Identifiable Valuable Lesson, or else they are pointless escapist trash and must be roundly condemned by all right-thinking people. Children, you see, are not actually people, who might like to read a book for its own sake, who might even pick out books on their own, who might read books regardless of category if they were voracious enough little readers. No. Children are not like that. They do exactly what we want! They learn exactly what we say! All opportunities must be taken to teach them A Clearly Identifiable Valuable Lesson! So. Examples of good Valuable Lessons immediately popped into my head: "They learn the true meaning of Christmas," and "They learn the true meaning of friendship." The Simpsons had a good series of these when they were indicating the passage of time: "And then we learned the true meaning of Flag Day." etc.

Of course, what popped into my head was, "She's a peewee hockey player who was born to save her father from being the Queen of Air and Darkness's tithe to hell. He's a kid inventor who's just discovering his true powers. They play hockey, fight crime, and discover the true meaning of NP Completeness." This is frightening me a little, and if I wasn't so hungry, I think I'd have to go have a lie-down over it.

(Also, if someone would write a piece of music for strings called, "Air for Queen and Darkness," that would be awesome. It's what I originally typed above.)

But anyway. Now I'm having a contest! What you win is a really cool postcard and the accolades of the other readers of this journal! You should come up with the best "true meaning of" for a children's novel. Bonus points for a good "She's an x/he's a y" to go with it, but what we're really going for is, "They discover the true meaning of flax harvesting!" "They discover the true meaning of Charlie Chaplin's birthday!" sort of thing. Go! Give me true meanings that will be Deeply Powerful Lessons for Today's Youth!

(Anyone who uses the phrase "today's youth" and is not joking bears watching closely. I'm just sayin'.)

Comments

[timprov.livejournal.com]

They discover the true meaning of nihilism.

/thread.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

plbtplbt

[timprov.livejournal.com]

He's a Belgian surrealist painter. She's a hooker with a heart of gold. They discover the true meaning of une pipe.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That's not how I remember us writing that story at all!

[pixelfish.livejournal.com]

Hockey TAROT!!!!! The awesomeness of this idea must not die. Obviously we can make the Cups cards easily....sticks for swords, probably, although wikipedia disgorges the information that POLO STICKS were once used on the cards. Pucks for coins. Maybe we can work the blades or goalie equipment in for the fourth suit.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Sure, nets or skates or something! It's the Major Arcana for which I will have to make thinky faces.

Except for Death. Death is just Death! Yay, Death!

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i think the fool is a goalie. that's what i think.

see, i immediately started picturing the major arcana, and was having issues with the minor. although the female face cards are all obviously my friend hobbitbabe and her daughter, both of whom play hockey, and hobbitbabe either coaches or has coached.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

See, in my hockey Tam Lin stories, Janet Laird plays hockey. She wore gold in her hair when she played for the Gophers' women's team with their golden helmets. She just barely missed making the Olympic team because she was recovering from pneumonia. Janet has a wicked slapshot and will take you to the boards soon as look at you, if you get all elbowy in her space. Holding fast to Tam Lin is not as much of a problem as remembering not to try to spin him in a circle and pull his sweater over his head, except the sweater transforms with him when he's a lion and a fire and an asp and all those things.

I love my Janet.

[aszanoni.livejournal.com]

-adoration-

M'ris, did I mention lately that you are one of the very coolest people around?

I need someone to buy all your TL stories, put them in a book, and sell it to me. Because it's hard to whap someone gently with a Good Book that is not a book as such.

Also, did I mention that I want to own them all?

- Chica

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thanks. I'd be perfectly happy to write the rest of the episodic novel for The Continuing Adventures of Carter Hall, though I suspect we'd better write The True Tale of Carter Hall before that.

You're welcome...

[aszanoni.livejournal.com]

I'll wait.

-checks clock-

Um. I'll wait as your muse dictates, especially the one with the hockey stick. :D I'll play Carter Hall: The Video Game until then.

I want seasonal goblins and a hockey stick...

-hugs-

- Chica

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

I'd sticks for wands and blades for swords, if possible.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You're not supposed to try to cut people with them!

...still and all....

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Science fiction: "She'a spunky, spiristed daughter of the female captain of a scientific exploratory vessel, and he's a dreamy, seemingly lazy rich boy. Together, they are lost on an asteroid, where they explore, discover five new minserals, two new elements for the periodic table, and proof of an ancient civilization!"

Fantasy: "She was the shaman's daughter, her totem animal a predator (bird or mammal), he was the outcast's son. Together they are shunned due to the evil village matriarch's evil son, and wander to another village of one-legged, er, outcasts from various villages, where they start their own village where Everybody Can Be Themselves!"

Horror: "She's a ghoul, he's a lich: together they explore the science of body parts."

Real Life: "She's a handicapped mixed-race lesbian with lieukemia whose dream is to either play professional football or to lead medical research teams, and he's a schizophrenic traumatized-by-molestation blind tri-racial boy whose dream is to design doll clothes for chihuahuas. Together they experience loss, sorrow, angst, disapproval, scorn, discouragement, and several terrible diseases. They grit their teach until the tragic last page."

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

teeth, not teach. No caffeine yet today.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I was enjoying it the other way, but I did know what you meant.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Golly, Sherwood, why don't you write mainstream YAs? You've got the formula down cold! *grin*

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I am, however, looking for "learn the true meaning of" answers. In the SF one, for example, they could discover the true meaning of vanadium.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Ah yes....no doubt this causes some fierce internal debate, between the True Meaning people of the old school (the ones who L, M. Montgomery said in her diary about 1890 just always had to see to it that there was a spoonful of castor oil inserted into every story for young readers) and the more modern ones who want to assure young readers that there is actually no meaning to anything, but you should be green, equal opportunity, and earnest anyway.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

Horror: "She's a ghoul, he's a lich: together they explore the science of body parts."

if someone would pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease write this, i would so totally buy this for my future kid. perhaps more in the cuddly ghoul and lich sort of way, but still. what a great idea.

[magentamn.livejournal.com]

She's a repressed little girl, from a repressed era, who fell into his wild world. He's a furry. Together they learn the true meaning of drugs.

[rosefox]

Together they learn the true meaning of true meanings!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Of course I don't mind -- I asked for it!

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

...they learn the true meaning of submission.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Probably it is just my writerly suspiciousness, but I suspect all too many slush readers of muttering that under their breaths occasionally.

Togetherness

[barondave.livejournal.com]

He's a lonely werewolf, she's the sassy waitress in an all-night diner. Together they discover the meaning of third shift.

He's a hockey player on the trading block, she's an itinerant fortune teller. Thrown by fate on the island, they grow apart as all around them the seas roil. Together, they discover the true meaning of Ikea.

She's from a strict Shinto background. She's on her third sex change. Together they discover the true meaning of habeas corpus.

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

...they learn the true meaning of parallel parking.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

(Also, if someone would write a piece of music for strings called, "Air for Queen and Darkness," that would be awesome. It's what I originally typed above.)

I wouldn't want that for strings, I'd want it for Justin Hawkins, Brian May, Roger Taylor, and Frankie Poullain.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

At least one suspects they might play nicely together.

[barondave.livejournal.com]

She's a dentist with dreams of so much more. He's her pygmy elephant with the same rare blood type as the Vice President. They're the multinational defense contractors desperately seeking a no-bit contract. He's the lawyer for a deposed Nigerian monarch searching the internet for a place to deposit his millions. Together they discover the true meaning of International Women's Day.

(sorry, sometimes it's hard to stop)

[upasaka.livejournal.com]

Hi! mnfiddledragon thought We should "meet" so here I am. Ciao.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Nice to "meet" you!

[barondave.livejournal.com]

She was a Sinti who was trying to trace her people's wandering. He was an entomologist who was studying pheromones. Together they discover the true meaning of Rom ants.

[ckd]

He's a philosopher! She's an etymologist! Together they discover the true meaning of "true meaning".

Huzzah!

[aszanoni.livejournal.com]

-laughter-

Ohhh. So many winners. This one - oy!

Now if I could craft a sentence properly along these lines, I'd add that specialist [that John Barnes is], because that seems very apropos.

- Chica

[markgritter.livejournal.com]

He's a horticulturist in Napa Valley. She's a mathematician at Stanford University. Together they learn the true meaning of Abelian grapes.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I love you so much. Best markgritter Evar.

[scottjames.livejournal.com]

Oof.

[scottjames.livejournal.com]

She's a no-nonsense Rastafarian music journalist. He's a milquetoast high school history teacher with a dark secret. Together they discover the true meaning of "Louie, Louie."

[miketo.livejournal.com]

She's an ex-alcoholic beat cop. He's the Pope. Together they discover the true meaning of Christmas!