MN again

[mrissa]

We are home safely.

Yesterday going into the church for the memorial service, I suddenly thought of Robin's bear hunt book and turned to markgritter and said, "Can't go over it. Can't go around it. Got to go through it."

The bear hunt book people: they are wise.

In any case, we have gone through it, both the memorial and the drive back. Last time I was riding in the car back from Omaha, Grandpa was doing so much better, and we had such high hopes of getting him home from the hospital soon.

A couple of people have expressed that they feel that talking to me about other things right now would be inappropriate or insensitive. Not at all. It is extremely appropriate and sensitive, as long as you don't brush past me talking about Grandpa to do so.

Comments

[pieslut.livejournal.com]

Driving can be difficult at these times, even if one is a passenger. Planes usually leave me feeling so filled with rage that the sadness is monetarily blunted, and trains make me so happy that everything feels a little better. But long drives are not good for me. I hope you get through yours all right.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

We did get through it all right, or at least as all right as can be expected with the vertigo.

[stillnotbored.livejournal.com]

The bear hunt book is wise. Life is full of things you have to go through.

I'm glad you made it home safely. I thought about you all day yesterday.

[lydy.livejournal.com]

How did Ista respond to all her people being upset?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Finally, a "How is ____ doing with this?" question I can answer in very concrete terms! And I will do so.

Ista has been clingy and unsettled since our first trip to Omaha over this in February. Something was Wrong--one of her favorite monkeys was missing, and she sniffed my hair carefully every time I came back from the hospital. She did not like it.

On Monday when Grandpa died, she and Mom were out for a walk, and so she was having a perfectly pleasant walk with her Mormor, rounded the last corner to go home, and saw me hanging onto the iron gates nearly doubled over sobbing. Mom ran, which is supposed to be good dogly fun but did not work out that way for her somehow, and then things just got worse from a dogly perspective. Monkeys were extremely upset and left her alone in the house right away.

When we got back from the hospital, she wanted to go sit with Grandma in Grandpa's chair. She has been very clingy and somewhat barkier than usual all week. Also she kept going in and scruffing on Grandpa's side of the bed and sometimes crooning thereafter. Part of me wished she would stop and part of me wished she would do it always when we visit there.

Some of the mourners met with Extreme Dogly Approval. Grandpa's best friend Milt and my godfather Dave were among the monkeys so favored, which goes to show you that my dog has excellent taste, or else that for whatever reason I am partial to people who give good scritches. But she is much more given to sitting on me where she is usually a next to me kind of dog, and last night she gave us quite a little speech when Mom, Dad, Grandma, Mark, Tim, and I were sitting around Grandma's living room.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

Part of me wished she would stop and part of me wished she would do it always when we visit there.

Oh, that's always the way, isn't it? We want to heal but that sadness feels *right* too, like a memorial.

Hugs and cups of tea to you.

And scritches to Miss Ista. Good dog.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I should add one more thing:

When we were gone at the memorial service, we had one of the neighbors stay at the house, because there have been reports of break-ins during funerals/memorials. Said neighbor is about 20. His mom came up to me at the luncheon and said, "Your dog must be distraught. My son says she's dragged your clothes out on the living room floor." I said, "I think 'clothes' is a euphemism here, isn't it?" She agreed: Ista was hauling my skivvies out on the living room floor to comfort herself.

Sigh.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

some days, even lucky rocketship underwear (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_and_the_Terrible,_Horrible,_No_Good,_Very_Bad_Day) doesn't help.

ista is a good ista for sitting on you. my pups do that when i am upset as well.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

The noise she made when my cousin Mary and I were talking and crying together on Friday and she (er, Ista, not Mar) came to sit on me was kind of funny. It was a, "There, at least I've done that," noise.

[one-undone.livejournal.com]

It's difficult to know what to say or do for a friend in these situations. I can't cuddle you or protect you from what happened, I can't pet you and give you your stuffed koala to hug, and sing you to sleep, or wrap you in a silky blanket and rock you, but those are the things I am used to doing when there are such sad circumstances. Please accept my offer of good thoughts and virtual comforting, knowing that none of these methods will fix it, but that I still care and wish they could.

*hugs*

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It is far more comforting to hear good thoughts and wishes that are, as they all must be, imperfect, than to have people seem to be ignoring me because they can't think of the perfect thing to say.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

*hug*

There is no perfect thing to say, one just hopes to avoid saying stupid things, it's the best achievable under the circumstances.

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

Dogs are so amazing that way (reads above story). Charley thinks he can fix everything or hope to fix everything by being as close to the suffering person as possible. Also, is Ista a lick-all-the-tears dog? Charley is and in most situations except the direst, it actually works.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

She only licks tears when there are lots and lots of them, but then she wants to take care of the whole face.

[scottjames.livejournal.com]

Oh, such a sweet little dog.

So, so sorry.