Two weeks and two days.

[mrissa]

I have just had an e-mail exchange with a friend wherein I mentioned my impending birthdayness, he said he/they would have to remember to get me something*, I said I didn't mean to be hinty, and he said he'd prefer that I hint than that he forget.

People. You cannot forget my birthday. I don't mean you will remember. Noooo, I mean I will remind you.** Because I love my birthday. It is my favorite holiday ever except Christmas Eve and perhaps Lucia Day. I think everybody should get something nice on my birthday, ice cream or something. I have taken to responding to, "Happy birthday!" with, "Happy my birthday to you!" I am like the queen in this regard if few others.

I am still trying to work out the details of my birthday party. I'm having one, but I'm afraid it's going to be a much smaller one this year. This means many of the people who have enlivened past birthday parties will not be invited to this one. It's not because I don't like you any more, dear hearts. It's that I am pretty drastically short of energy. Last year it was extremely important to me that I have a big birthday party in the face of the vertigo. I don't have that much energy for grand gestures of defiance this year. I just...don't.

As I go backwards in my lj tagging past entries, I am struck by how much more mental and emotional energy I had for howling at the moon then. I thought 2008 was awful, but 2009 has taken the fight right out of me. I'm not giving up on the PT, and we're still seeing slow progress. I can do things I couldn't do this time last year. But also I admit that I am more resigned in some small areas. When I bruise myself, when I break things, when I can only enjoy part of something. I am frustrated when I have to say no to things that would be fun because I physically can't do them, and I'm particularly frustrated when I'm afraid that the friends I'm saying no to are getting the message that I don't want to instead of the message that I just plain can't. But the frustration is the small sigh, not the shower of tears.

I don't think this means I'm doing better with it. I also don't think this means I'm doing dangerously badly, since I'm still doing the PT etc., all the concrete stuff that will continue to make things better in measurable, concrete ways, and since the lack of emotional energy is comparatively limited. I'm still finding the energy and the focus to write, or rather I'm finding those things again after the early days of PT. And there's been a lot going on in my family lately, some of it really good but all of it pretty intense. I'm just...not long on cope right now, and it feels like vertigo-related outbursts will harm more than they help.

I thought about not mentioning the birthday party thing, but I've had so many years of "bring your neighbor's best friend's cousin if you like" sorts of birthday parties that I was afraid some of you would feel you'd personally offended me if there wasn't some kind of late-July/early-August invitation coming your way. And realio trulio you haven't, and I hope I haven't offended you, either, by bringing it up. I know it's not good manners to bring up parties people aren't invited to. But I am tired all the way through my bones, and I need to make my birthday party a little lower-key this year so as not to exacerbate that. I hope that's not hurtful to anyone.

*He is wrong. Remembering to get me something is strictly optional. I am extravagantly pleased with presents but not the least bit perturbed by their absence.
**July 26. Now you are reminded.

Comments

[bradipo.livejournal.com]

My dad and I share a birthday, so I learned from a young age that the correct response to "Happy birthday!" was "Happy birthday!" I am persistent in following this early programming, even when people sometimes look at me oddly.

[redbird]

Are there non-obvious things, or categories of things, that people shouldn't get you? By non-obvious I mean that since we are basically sensible adults, I know you don't want need duplicate copies of books, nor yet copies of books you've told me you disliked; nor would I get someone a puppy without careful consultation; and I know you have better ice cream locally than I could likely get shipped.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Hmm. The only thing I can imagine people thinking, "I'll bet Mris might like this!" and being wrong as a category would be scents: soap, lotion, perfume, incense (especially incense--not a fan), potpourri, etc. I know that some people would guess, "Mris has a very sensitive nose, so she will want to pick out her own stuff," and others would guess, "Mris has a very sensitive nose, so scent stuff will be interesting to her. The people who guessed picking my own stuff would be correct.

Otherwise I like books and chocolate and DVDs and shinies and pens and hats and lots of other things like that.

Even when I turn out not to like the specific incarnations of those things, I often like getting the chance to find out.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

If I lived near you, I wouldn't be upset about not being invited. I might inquire if you had heard of the custom of Extended Birthdays, in which your birthday isn't over until everybody has given you their present/taken you to supper. (One of my birthdays lasted two weeks that way.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Heard of it! We practically invented it!

The five-day minimum is the rule for ordinary birthdays. "Big"/special birthdays get a ten-day minimum.

And yes, I am up for invitations to other activities around my birthday, as long as people don't take it personally if the answer is, "I'm so sorry, I'm afraid I can't."

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

My friend's family apparently calls this tradition (which my family also does) a "jubilee." I love it.

I also love what you said here: "I am extravagantly pleased with presents but not the least bit perturbed by their absence."

Me too! I've never figured out how to express it, but there, you've said it.

[ckd]

At least for now I am declaring my birthday not over until Readercon is over, because it's technically over already in this timezone (which is also my birth timezone). Next year may be different.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I would imagine that Readercon could either be wonderful or drastically suboptimal for actual birthday celebration. You're allowed to wait until it's over to judge which and act accordingly.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

Do-overs for birthdays! See, this is why I like you.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

One's birthday is fun and birthdayish.

Ergo if a day is not fun and birthdayish, it is not one's birthday.

[applewoman.livejournal.com]

Well, look at that -- we have the same birthday. So if you said "Happy my birthday to you," it really would be.

(Happy birthday to us!)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Soon!

[timprov.livejournal.com]

You don't have it set so other people can tag your entries, so I'm left to suggest you add "fifth all time in strikeouts."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Is that what your California math tells you?

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

*trying hard to figure this out*

They don't share a birthday ...

Circle me, Mris!

?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Bert always has a tally of how many days until his birthday. Always. This comes up quite frequently on the air. "Only three hundred eleven days until my birthday!"

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

I like to celebrate your birthday by buying myself books! Much like I celebrate another's birthday by buying shoes.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

That's a very good holiday observance. And buying shoes would really not be the best thing for my birthday. Not that I dislike getting shoes for my birthday, because then I don't have to shop for shoes, but if you're only doing one thing for my birthday, it should probably not be shoe-related.

[aedifica]

Regarding your last paragraph: I thought it was a very good thing, not hurtful at all. I think this is an excellent exception to the general rule of not mentioning parties people won't be invited to: letting people who will suspect anyway that there was a party happening know why they weren't invited is a good thing (or can be, depending on what the reason is). So I will expect to not be invited, and I'll just happily send you good-birthday wishes.

Your birthday is two months after mine, to the day. I don't remember realizing that before. And yes, birthdays are excellent holidays. I don't really understand people who stop celebrating their birthday after becoming an adult--you don't get any other days in a year, usually, where it can be a special day just for you. I usually at least take the day off work, now that I have a job where I can afford to do that.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Ah! Then you are the person who fills that gap! We have birthdays May 24, 25, 27, and 28 on my calendar. Multiple birthdays for some of those days.

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

I have taken to responding to, "Happy birthday!" with, "Happy my birthday to you!" I am like the queen in this regard if few others.

It is my birthday tomorrow, and there is to be A Picnic. I am appropriating this reply with great satisfaction. For years I cringed and hoped people wouldn't make a fuss, and now I'm at a point where I view it as an opportunity to actually see people. We need to celebrate ourselves more, says I.

Happy early my birthday to you!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Ourselves, our interests, trees, famous people of history we're fond of...frankly I'm just more in favor of celebration when possible.

But then, we already have plans for Teddy Roosevelt's birthday next year, as the result of a funny story some people in my family told.

Happy birthday!

[prettymuchpeggy.livejournal.com]

Taking care of you is the most important thing. So do what you have to do and I'll look forward to seeing your smiling face when you're able. Oh, and of course, Happy Birthday! (a wee bit early)

[laurel]

It's totally appropriate and even good to note it if you can't invite everyone for a particular reason.

Blackburn pitched a complete game on my birthday; Joe-Ma singled and Justin hit a homerun right after that. And the Twins won. So that was cool.

I'm still kinda celebrating my bday. I've been beset by really bad indecisiveness about how I want to celebrate, so this may take a while.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

timprov hasn't decided how to celebrate his, either, and his is in February.