Things I did not get you or anyone else for Christmas

[mrissa]

Or for a wedding gift, Hanukkah, Solstice, or any other event, either. A partial list:

A print of breakdancing cartoon tapirs
A vintage copy of Rose in Bloom rebound with lots and lots of plastic
A giant yellow glass head (about half again as large as timprov's actual head, for reference)
A candleholder that looked like the illegitimate offspring of a horse and a dachshund
A giant handmade ceramic sculpture of a bulb of garlic (this one only the size of my head)
Something I could not figure out but which was labeled "recycled geckos." I suspect my family and friends are not so sure they/you want the geckos the first time around. Recycled is right out.
A cactus made out of Coke cans
A shirt or sweater with the bust covered with ruffles
A candleholder in the shape of a man slapping his own ass while balancing a candle on his head
A candleholder where you have to put a candle inside Jesus' glass head
A candleholder of the Buddha where his candle and its flame would be...even less fortunately placed
An angel with turkey wings
A garden sculpture of a one-eyed chimp
A leather magazine rack called "Inca Mailman"
Anything that can be described as a "laundry tool"
Pangolin earrings. Although I did think about it, because they're kind of awesome.
"Build-your-own vehicular fishmonster kit." But only because I already have Rob's present, because seriously, who doesn't want to build their own vehicular fishmonster? I know, I know, we'd all prefer to do it from scratch, but these days everyone is busy, and a fishmonster from a kit is probably better than no fishmonster at all.

ETA: I am seriously rethinking this stance as regards the vehicular fishmonster. I keep going back to it.

Comments

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Where, I wish to ask, have you been browsing?

Pangolin earrings, maybe. Recycled geckos, perhaps just to figure out what you'd use them for. Angels with turkey wings, however, are Right Out.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Lots upon lots of places. But the pangolin earrings and the vehicular fishmonster are at Xylocopa (http://www.xylocopa.com).

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

I wonder if La Jeune Hatbox would like a fishmonster kit. I keep going back to it too.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

Fishmonster!

This Rob person must have a birthday, right? Act now, before all the vehicular fishmonsters return to the ocean and it is too late.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Gosh, they have heart-gear pendants, too.

[ashnistrike.livejournal.com]

Oh, they're the mad scientist building blocks people! But the fishmonster is cheaper, and just as nifty.

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Now, if they were Regency dancing cartoon tapirs...

I used to have a pair of manatee earrings. Sadly, I lost one in San Francisco.

Initially read that last as "vehicular fishmonger". Fishmonster is much better.

[aedifica]

The second one would actually have been kinda cool if it weren't for a) the lots of plastic and b) the fact that I already have a copy. It's one of my lower-tier comfort books.

(Disclaimer: On re-reading, I see that this comment could be taken in such a way as to imply I think you'd get me a holiday present. I do not mean to imply any such thing.)

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Wow. Cool, gorgeous stuff there.

[nolly.livejournal.com]

I'd rather like to see a picture of the "Inca Mailman". Perhaps google will help me today...

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

You have just solved one of my Christmas gift issues. Thank you, thank you, thank you. (The octopus necklace is PERFECT. Not as perfect as the squid earrings, but the recipient doesn't wear earrings, so.)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Yay octopus necklace!

I'm not saying I bought somebody the octopus necklace, but I'm also not saying I didn't.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

You are not a good influence.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Heart. Manatee earring. Well, they're about the same, right?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Oh, and: this Rob person is my godson Robin but with his NEW BIG GREAT BIG NAME BECAUSE HE IS BIG.

And this picture is really, really old.

Sigh.

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

It is a lovely necklace. After some consultation with another party, it was also decided that the vehicular fishmonster kit would also make a lovely Christmas gift.

Being able to find the perfect gift for hard-to-buy-for loved ones is yet another reason to love the internets.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Oh, I in no way object to Rose In Bloom or even vintage copies of same. It's the plastic that makes it intolerable.

I mean, Rose marries the [spoiler] in the end. One has a taste for that sort of thing.

[aedifica]

Yes. Though I was startled to find that I was mixing up Rose in Bloom with An Old-Fashioned Girl, which I hadn't realized til I read your comment. Oh well, I like both books.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I am much less keen on An Old-Fashioned Girl because of its emphasis on culturally conditioned shame as a true indicator of morality. And what that probably means is that I didn't read it nearly as often when I was little, so it didn't get in past the filters.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

*googlegooglegoogle*
*etsyetsyetsy*

Meh, the tapirs are sold out anyway. I wonder if the seller would make a print of Regency dancing tapirs if asked.

Her print with the octopus doing a tentacle puppet show is cuter than the tapirs anyway.

I wonder if she does pictures of aardvarks...

*etsyetsyetsy*

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

I would honestly hold out for someone who draws better tapirs. Personally, I mean. Heck, I may yet try my hand at doing my own regency-dancing tapirs. Strictly for my own personal use, of course. And I will wash my hands, afterwards.

[talimena.livejournal.com]

Oooh, pretty. Thanks for this, not least because I was trying to picture some sort of kit that made your own vehicle (car, truck, what have you) into a fishmonster. The kit is a much better idea.

[swords-and-pens.livejournal.com]

I kept reading "fishmonster" as "fishMONGER" -- you know, a person who sells fish. And let me tell you, a "build-you-own vehicular fishMONGER kit" creates an entirely different set of mental images. Shades of Frankenstein melded with Girl Genius melded with the Gorton's Fisherman. Not good.

[skwirly.livejournal.com]

Bizarrely, this list is identical to the List of Things We Found In Our Attic. ;)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Next year: build your own costermonger! For the upscale gift-giver: build your own haberdasher! from all natural parts!

Um.

[dancing-crow.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the pointer to the fishmonster - it is perfect for one of my peeps, and I would never (Never.) have found it without you! And what lovely other stuff they make too!

[hbevert.livejournal.com]

Uffda. Great list of Most Hideous Items One Could Imagine as Gifts. Except the fishmonster thing. That could possibly be cool for the right person.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I confess to having found the right person to unite with this gift. And there was much rejoicing.

[aedifica]

What with the eyes as big as saucers, and all? That doesn't stand out nearly so much for me, which probably means I did read it that much when I was young.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

No, no I am not. But I am really good at rationalizations. I once considered trying to turn it into a 1-900 business.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I have a short story in the works that's sort of the inverse of that business. Hard to explain. But relevant in my own beady little brain at least.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Well, that Polly's embarrassment at the ballet dancers' outfits was thoroughly supported as natural and right-thinking and a sign that she was a good girl. Not just that she reacted that way but that the wise elders in the book encouraged her to think it was a sign of great moral wisdom.

[hbevert.livejournal.com]

Yay.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

Cool! When it is published let me know where to find it, so I can see if I can see the connection?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I will try to remember. It's not finished yet, even.