Things You Don't Want People To Say When You Read at a Friend's Wedding

(Upon continuing the preliminary search for dresses online)

1. "Oh, are they having a Brownie troop meeting here? How sweet!"

2. "They got talking cleavage to do a reading? That's kind of weird. Oh...no...wait...I think I can see a person back there. Maybe."

3. "There are lighthouses printed on her dress. Light...houses. Printed. On her dress. Um. Why?"

4. "Do you know when she's due?"

5. "That's definitely a dress. Or a shirt. One or the other, I'm almost sure."

6. "That's definitely a dress. Or some curtains. One or the other, I'm almost sure."

7. "Is she still alive? She sounds alive, but...."

8. "Is that hole a design element, or did she have a near-fatal run-in with a knight on horseback on the way to the wedding?"

9. "I don't know how many thousands of chiffonlets died to make that, but it was too many."

10. "I don't know how many thousands of chiffonlets died to make that, but it was not enough."

There is, however, a possibility. *song from choirs of angels*